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Eagle5

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  1. The Manly Tiger Prophecies Manly Tiger’s Return to the Swamp Prophesy (Vol. I, 2019, Auburn vs. Florida, The Swamp, 5 October, 2019) And Lo, it came to pass, in the Age of Pearl, in the Year of Our Lord, Two Thousand and Nineteen, that the Gods of the Hardwood didst smile upon sweet Auburn, and the brotherhood of Bruce. Verily, hath the virile heat of Sir Pearl infused our verdant land as if a baptismal rain, exorcising demons of gloom, and summoning all to behold the Pennant of Only Four in the House of Bruce. The sign of vengeance hath been marked upon the breast of the double dribble conspirators, whose days doth number one hundred twenty and five. The Sword of Bruce is forged, and the head of the dark zebra readied for the block. Why doth ye rustle as if a fallen leaf from the ancient Toomer’s Oak? And why doth thy shrill cries pierce my palatial lair, disrupt my swilling of sweet conqueror’s grog in the company of fair maidens, begging of the foretelling of battles to come, and of Twelve and Oh? Didst thy fairest maiden not deliver from her loins a worthy prophet from this godly land, nor a sorcerer who brings sight to the blind, nor proud warriors who silence the slobbering soothsayers who hath pledged allegiance unto the dye-haired Dwarf Lord? Why this plaintive cry of my people, who stir in the safety of mother’s cellar in their bunkerly lairs? Enough! By the Blessed Abundant Maiden of the Jumbotron, whose fair countenance graces the Field of Dye, shall I herewith prophesy. Gather thy minions, young and old, and surround the great Oaks of Toomer, eight hours henceforth. Bring not thy young who wouldst mutter, ‘Father, this Prophesy is too long’, or ‘Father, I did not read’. By the Book of Darwin shall thy twittering young be banished from our land, for we are a learned race, lustful of written word, a people of godly omniscience, bred for strength in mind, body, and spirit. Then, didst night fall upon the Square of Toomer at the appointed hour, and didst the good and righteous People of the Plains gathereth forth in breathless quiet, arms locked in solidarity, awaiting the hour of Prophecy. “Lo, good People of the Plains, twenty and five years thenceforth,” bellowed the bearded Manly Tiger, “didst our proud warriors from the Pipeline of Dillard, and skilled marksman Nix invade the Land of the Jort, amid the arrogant foretelling of our doom in the sweltering reptilian Swamp. And there, was a chapter in the Book of Epic Southern Battle Lore written, as Nix didst drive the sword of death into the reptile’s neck at battle’s end.” “Arise, warriors of Steele, fasten armor and take up spear, sword and shield and release the Eagle of War! We ride this day unto the Reptile’s Lair, where the People of the Jort doth harbor the War Criminal of the Cowbell, Lord Quasimodo, who didst conspire to banish our righteous warrior, Camzilla, from the southern battlefields, nine years thenceforth. Verily, in cowardice didst Quasimodo sendeth forth his gangly maiden, Megan, to spew untruths unto the complicit scribes and red elephant henchmen.” “For Lo, is the hour of urgency is upon us, this Golden Age ours to seize, and unto the strong and unrivaled People of the Plains doth the signs of southern conquest appear daily. Amen, I say unto ye, an uprising stirs in the Swamp, and Lord Quasimodo, southern traitor, hath laid a trap unworthy of the southern battlefield.” “Hear ye, man, woman and child who long have awaited the lifting of the Voodoo of Red Stick spell cast upon Gustav the Great, which didst render him but a child in mind, and didst rack his brow with fear in battle, bringing shame and defeat to our nation. Thy weeping and mourning shall endeth today, and the not unrighteous uprising for twenty six million gold coins be ceased. For Sir Pearl hath calmed the troubled spirit of Gustav, expelled the Demons of Derp, and mighty is the stallion which Gustav hath mounted to lead battle for the Brand.” “Lo, of the lineage of Patrick hath a Child been born to us, a lethal marksman sent unto us, and he shall be worthy of the name of Bo, for the princely powers of pigskin potency rest upon his shoulders. And he shall he command battle’s hurried surge of furious flame in The Swamp, armor emblazoned with the 1 and 0, and shall his powers strike fear into the heart of our foes, and in the Toothless Nation of Crimson Kneck Elephantiasis.” “Amen I say, shall the People of Nineteen Hundred and Eighty, the Hunkering Pugnosers, cower in fear of the inevitable, Sixteen November, forty and three days thenceforth, on the Field of Marshall and Louis.” “And Lo, in the Battle of the Swamp, 5 October, Twenty and Nineteen Hundred, shall the gangly Trask gator breathe his last in the crushing vise of Three and Five.” “There shall the victorious Gustav stride amid battle’s bloody carnage, with Tiger conquest sure, draw sword, and lop off the head of Lord Quasimodo. And shall our warriors plunder and pillage, claiming the spoils of war, but spare woman, child, and Evil Genius.” “Yeah, I say unto ye raging Tiger minions, with Swamp fully drained and the Sword of Bo driven into the heart of the reptilian beast, shall our proud warriors return victorious to our land, where long into the Auburn eve shall a storm of tissue unfurl, cheer wenches cheer, and dance maidens dance. And shall the finest victory grog be swilled long into the October night. And shall our proud warriors rest undefeated, readying for the invasion of Fayette ‘Nam.” Amen. Manly Tiger Auburn Tigers 34 Florida Gators 17
  2. I remain unconvinced that Jimbo is an “elite” head football coach. Very good recruiter, but more like a Chizik lightning in bottle in 2013 with lobster thief. And left FSU in utter shambles two years ago, fleeing the very mess he created. $75M, guaranteed. Down 21-3 at one point, at home, against a TrFR QB and our hot seat coach. I’d imagine some tummies are rumbling in College Station with the realization that it’s not as simple to “buy a championship” as it appears. Gus has no shortage of detractors in the Auburn family, but for one game at least, Gus and our staff outcoached the hell out of Jimbo & Co. Especially our first series, set Mike Elko up like a house of cards. Disoriented their defense starting Worm, when they studied film for Boobee. Nix run up the middle added to creating conflict on the defense. Then when we finally give them the Boobee eye candy, BOOM!, Oh, God, Flash. Buh-Bye. Some of the best scripting you’ll see. And then saving Boobee’s legs for 2nd half was gutty brilliance that set up the 12-play soul crushing drive down their throat. https://twitter.com/chron_mattyoung/status/1175795201362845698?s=21 Kevin Sumlin tweets eyeball emojis after the Aggies’ loss, Texas A&M recruiting analyst threatens Sumlin’s career. (Screenshot edited by me, because it’s the Lord’s day).
  3. Aye, Cap’n!! @JMR is the more outgoing type you know, so he posts and generates high reply-count threads, whereas I’m super shy and LURK more! Seriously, quite the AU community you’ve created here! Bravo! E5
  4. It's been fashionable this week by some pundits, and a few Vegas wise guys, to pick the Green Wave plus the 17.5 points. But here's the thing . . . it won't happen. Here is why IMHO: The slow, unprepared, and mistake-riddled start last Saturday night - arguably the MOST on the Auburn defensive side of the ball, particularly considering their experience and depth overall - set the table for our staff to hammer the point that we're NOT a finished product. We BETTER improve in all areas, and especially in punt and kick coverage, or the epic Oregon win will soon be tainted by being a 6-3 or even 5-4 team going into Amen Corner against UGA. It's that simple with our schedule. Secondly, look at two key offensive positions going into the Tulane test tomorrow night - QB (Nix) and RB (Boobee, but the urgent need for a 2-3 feature back committee). Given the comfort of strolling down Donahue for Tiger Walk as a last 20 seconds hero, Bo Nix will be stoked to go serve up for fans what he brings to the table. This is his lifelong dream, and that adrenalin will amount to focus, not anxiety tonight, as his TrFR fear of the unknown jitters were left in Jerry-World six days ago. And at running back, if Coach Malzahn does not understand the need to use these next two imminently winnable games to establish the "committee" of feature RB's, he should be "counseled" about it. Maybe by Kerryon Johnson. So use tonight to get D. J. Williams baptized (he's going to be a STUD), "Flash" (Shaun Shivers) into the flow, putting defensive personnel "in conflict" as to what to give up, and maybe even Harold Joiner and a limited dose of read option, etc. from Joey Gatewood to add that dimension to our offensive artillery. So look for Auburn to get a test early from Tulane, but our depth, talent, and confidence as the 10th ranked team in America, coming out of the win over # 11 Oregon to explode in the 2nd quarter. Auburn Tigers 47 Tulane Green Wave 13
  5. So very kind of you, RunInRed! Coach and I have a ball producing this opinion, AU content, and hilarity during the 'ball season! Greatly appreciate the exposure here for thy minions! E5 / Doug
  6. I'm no Gustav apologist these days, but that "anonymous take" sounds almost verbatim what Danny "The Vampire" Sheridan is pushing this summer about Gus. Not that there aren't kernels of truth to the criticism, but I'm not buying that a credible SEC head coach dropped those lines. Maybe that bitter Stoops at Kentucky LOL.
  7. Iggy is gonna be special in the secondary IMO.
  8. For decades, it was the Bahr, bammer's runner-up best head coach, ducking and dodging playing the leghumpers year in, year out so that he could feast on Vandy. Now, due to the SEC office's obstinence at not properly realigning the divisions with AU in the East, or going to 9 conference games, the dodging of these two border state "flagshippers" continues, to the detriment of the SEC brand. But alas, for years to come, football fans will be left to argue, imagine, or play TechmoBowl bammer vs UGA games to decide the fictitious outcome, since conference Bowl game tie-ins for New Year's Day Outback and Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl. al. won't allow a bammer vs UGA secondary Bowl matchup. On the positive side, since both UGA and bammer will have but one loss, I suppose there is an open window to lay claim to one of the many mythical national titles, to which I would have no objection. E5
  9. Thanks, my friend! I greatly enjoyed facilitating the banter with Coach Ray and Coach Adams! E5
  10. Many thanks to RunInRed and the AU Family board for publishing my article, You Don't Know Takeo last week! The book signing at J&M Bookstore on A-Day was UN. REAL. A long line formed with AU fans who bought books to get signed at 9:45, with the book signing running from 10:00 a.m. to Noon. The line kept forming the entire time, usually about 15 deep, and Takeo was just really warm, gracious and friendly to all the AU Family. One of the more hilarious moments (I tweeted it if you follow me on Twitter @Deaneagle5 ) was this dude had a small dog he paints orange and blue to look like Tiger stripes. Takeo took the dog, held him up for the fans / camera, and says, "ONLY in Auburn! This is is a Tiger, baby! War Eagle!" If Takeo didn't sell out the 500 books stocked for the signing, it was just a few shy, and that was only because J&M owner Trey Johnston had to get on the bullhorn and stop the waiting lines as Takeo ran over to about 12:15 p.m. signing books. None better than the AU fan base!
  11. Books will be available for purchase in J&M tomorrow morning. I'm not positive as to supply, working on that, so to be safe I'd try to arrive early and buy a copy.
  12. AU Family friends, Thanks for the incredible number of views / reads on my article about Takeo's post-NFL life and work! I know, I know, "TL / DR". I talked to Takeo last night (dude has been enjoying Sydney, Australia; tough life), and he looks forward to meeting scores of AU fans this A-Day Saturday! His book signing for Behind the Mask will be at J&M bookstore on College at Toomer's Corner from 10:00 a.m. to Noon before the game. You'll love this hardback stunner, and the stories from NFL LB greats (including both Kevin Greene and Takeo) as to how they overcame, and achieved their dreams, is so unique I think because they spoke so openly to a fellow warrior, Takeo. Some of their stories will surprise you, all their stories will inspire you, not to mention Takeo's photography in the book. I'll be hanging out at the book signing too, and look forward to meeting y'all! Many thanks to J&M owner Trey Johnston for hosting the book signing! Eagle5 aka Doug Dean