Reflections from a Bama fan

[BustemBigBlue 175]

somebody forwarded this to my e-mail and I found it amusing.

REFLECTIONS

Greetings Bama Fans,

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue

To call the current quarterback situation bad is roughly the equivalent of

coming

back from a weekend in Thailand with syphilis and categorizing it as

"unfortunate."

The complete and total inability to move the ball actually caused the

following

question to be murmured at roughly 8:27 p.m. Saturday night: "Does John

David

Philips have any eligibility left?"

Do you know how bad things have to be when you ask a question like that?

It's on the

same level as 'Tell me the truth doctor, they can be reattached can't they?'

or

'What do you mean she's a man?'

There has never, in the history of modern football, been a more glaring

example of a

single reason a team is losing. At one point in the second half I was

actually

begging for a halfback pass. Could it possibly have ended any worse? The

only way I

can figure that it might have is that, by throwing that ball, the running

back would

have been out of position to make the touchdown saving tackle like he did on

every

other pass.

Isn't this how heroin addictions start?

Let me throw this stat out there at ya: Alabama finished the ballgame with

67 yards

passing. Now for the kicker. That was 24 yards MORE than South Carolina had

through

the air.

Hold on. I just threw up in my mouth.

South Carolina came to Tuscaloosa with the exact same offensive game plan

that Bama

took to Fayetteville last week, executed it more poorly than the Tide did,

and WON

BY 17!

I've openly questioned the formations that Defensive Coordinator Joe Kines

has

called for in certain situations over the past year (most noticeably the

infamous

4th and 19 against Tennessee last year), but I have to give someone major

credit for

being able to get the defensive guys to even put their helmets on and head

back out

on the field at this point. The only guy that may deserve more credit is

Offensive

Coordinator Dave Rader who pulled off the acting job of the century by

appearing on

talk radio reassuring everyone of the talent of the backup quarterbacks two

Mondays

ago, when, in actuality, he must have been in his office just hours earlier,

with a

loaded shotgun and a bottle of sleeping pills.

Editor's Note: While impressive, Coach Rader's performance actually fell

just short

of performance of the century when the critics unanimously agreed that the

FLOP by

the South Carolina punt returner Saturday night was the most brilliant job

of acting

ever. SEC officials were the only ones who actually considered the

performance real.

Probably the same guys that consider Michael Moore's work to be documentary.

Which brings me to yet another stat: In the last two games, Bama's

opposition has

been flagged a total of ONCE.

Just threw up again.

The only thing that keeps me going at this point is the fact that our

schedule

contains the three Mississippi schools. I'm looking for a way at the last

moment to

replace Auburn and LSU with Itawamba Community College and the Mississippi

Band of

Choctaw Indians.

Now, all that said, I wouldn't be the most clinically delusional fan on

earth if I

didn't throw this out. I expect Bama to win Saturday and I expect

quarterback play

to be a big part of that.

You got that?

Repeat it back to me.

I'll be over here popping prozac like tic tacs.

Bama beats Kentucky 27-10.

On a serious note - Here's hoping Keith Brown is up and around soon.

Until next week, when I present a detailed analysis of the positive aspects

of

implementing the wishbone..

ROLL DAMN TIDE!

[hccobb 0]

[irnimrod 0]

[AU4Ever 0]

A perfect picture of me smiling as I read this. Just have to add it couldn't happen to a better bunch of mullets

[rolltoomer 0]

That is some clever writing and some great imagery.

However, as disheartened as that guy/gal is, things are not as bleak as he/she made it sound. UAT has a fair chance of going to a bowl this year. They may even sneak up on somebody and get a win besides KY and USM, assuming that they get those.

I do not believe that UAT is headed for greatness with the current staff, even 2-3 years down the road. CMS is going to have to surround himself with more talent than seems is the case now.

They had a pretty good year in recruiting last year--not as good as their supporters touted, but they scored some good talent. Another couple of years like that and they will no longer be a doormat, but I doubt if they dominate with their current set-up. Compete, yes. Dominate, no.

I keep searching for the reason for the CMS hire. When you compare the resumes of Shula against the track records of Franchione and, yes, Mike Price, he seems awfully green. Green.

No doubt they needed a Mr. Squeaky Clean. That, they got.

I have heard some arguments that he was brought in to be a sacrificial lamb for the really down years that were to be faced. Dunno' about that.

Despite the assertions by the UAT faithful that "we're better than last year" (even before Croyle's injury), I'm not sure that Bama has reached bottom.

To wit, they played some pretty good ball last year, while losing:

1. They gave Oklahoma all the Sooners wanted. OU pulled the fake punt; luckily it worked.

2. They had Arkansas bashed, then let 'em off the hook.

3. Had UT beat--and should have won even in OT.

4. They played Auburn a closer game than they really should have (dammit).

I know, I know. They lost to No. Ill., plus Ole Miss and LSU pasted them, but they were a more decent team than 4-9 would indicate.

Their schedule this year is the main thing they have going for them. Catching SEC foes Ole Miss, KY and MsSt at absolute bottom is exactly what Bryant used to call "schedule luck".

Next year will be interesting. If Croyle makes a healthy comeback, they may be better than this year, but then again they may not. There is no assurance that last year was their nadir, nor is it certain that it's this year. Probably is, but not certain.

I want to repeat for emphsis my opinion that as things stand now, in 2-3 years they will probably compete in the SEC, but they will not dominate.

[cadillacattack 0]

Now THAT'S good writing