this is the most recent post from my second ex on facebook

[aubiefifty 16,706]

i thought i would give you guys a small window into her world. she is going through so much. her best buddy kim is helping her and i cannot reach out to talk when she is hurting. i am just asking for prayers for both of us. there is nothing worse than seeing a loved one hurt and not being able to do anything about it. i might have it wrong but i got it in my mind when female patients go through the looking like they are pregnant look it is the end of the line.

Brenda Luna is feeling pained.

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5 hours in chemo today. This new stuff is giving me terrible headaches, muscle and joint pain, and the usual fatigue. Still have my hair, but at this point vanity is out the window and I could care less if it all fell out. But in fact my hair is the best it’s ever been in my life. I have days where I have very little appetite though I do make myself eat small light snacks. Grapes are the best when I’m not hungry. No nausea, but then they’re so prepared for severe nausea that an anti nausea is infused as well as a horrible painful shot they give me before infusion. It goes in my arm. The other option is in the stomach. Oh hell no! This shot seriously hurts! It leaves a large knot and bruise. The knot takes a month to go away, and it hurts for the whole month. It hurts so much going in that they have to numb the area before injecting. I’m assuming it would feel 10X worse without it. My massive hernia is causing lower back muscle spasms that can be severe. I’m assuming because my back is supporting what my core should be. I’m told I may just have to live with it because it’s so large and too close to my colostomy. Whatever! It’s impossible to find a hernia binder for ostomy patients. So between the hernia and ostomy I look like I’m in the beginning of the second trimester of pregnancy. And yes, I find maternity pants are quite comfortable with added light support. So if you see a 67 year old pregnant woman, it’s probably me. Like I said, vanity is out the window.

As much as this post is a bitch fest, I should mention that I’m happy. My beautiful friend Kym and I see each other every other weekend. We do fun things together, we laugh a lot, we eat really good food. I have nice neighbors, I still enjoy cooking, I love to take walks as long as it’s not storming outside, my brother, sisters and extended family and friends love me, and I have my crusty old bird Yoshi to keep me company, or irritate me. Not to mention my last chemo infusion is July 20th!

Every cancer patient has their own story. They’re all different. I’ve seen a lot of suffering. I don’t really feel like I’m suffering, just painfully uncomfortable at times but I refuse to let it overshadow all the good I’ve experienced. I’ve seen a lot of people stroll through treatment unfazed. That was pretty much me until the meds were changed. But this treatment will be over soon. I’ve met a few people that have gone through hell, repeatedly for years, but their positive attitudes, their spirit is intact. They’re my inspiration! The one thing I’m really grateful for is that cancer struck me in my later years instead of my youth. I’ve met so many young women, and men, in their thirties and forties, with young children and promising futures. The fear of the unknown is heartbreaking. As we age we learn to accept the inevitable. That’s not to say that I’m ready to go. Oh hell no! There’s a lot more life in me. A lot worth fighting for. Nobody is promised old age and that’s never more apparent to us as we grow older. At least I know in advance what will take me, years from now of course.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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