'When one is enough'

[TitanTiger 20,471]

This is why we need the right to choose? Because we'd have to give up the life we're accustomed to, move to Staten Island and buy big jars of mayonaise from Costco? I think I'm going to be sick.

When One Is Enough

By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT

Published: July 18, 2004

I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?

Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.

I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''

My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?

I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.

Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.

The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.

When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.

Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?

I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/18/magazine/18LIVES.html

This just disgusts me. I just cannot believe there are people who think like this. Three heartbeats...can we just make two go away? I only want one. Let me see, who gets to live, who gets a needle in the heart and dies?

[Ranger12 46]

What is really ironic is that the pro-choice people base their most of their reasons for abortion is for unwanted pregancies or when the mother's life is in danger. This person got pregnant on purpose, but since it was not going to be the number she planned on, she treats it as an inconvience. So, now pro-choice means aborting wanted pregnacies I guess. That means you make the choice to have a child and then you turn around and make the choice to kill it.

[BamaGrad03 146]

That has to be the most selfish person who has ever walked the planet.

I cant believe the people who lobby for this particular freedom in america are the same who lobby to protect the LIFE and Freedom of convicted killers.

[BamaGrad03 146]

Here's what makes this act even more selfish...she didnt have to be incovenienced her whole life...just long enough to carry the babies to full term

Then she could give them to someone who isnt fortunate enough to have babies...but would die to get one.

thats why the waitlist for adopting infants is years long. people keep killing em before they get a chance to be adopted.

[Jenny AU-92 0]

Oh I wish I had not read that. I am in shambles now. I had so many sonograms with Katie, and the most precious part of them was seeing that heartbeat. I cannot imagine any rational, thinking person being able to sit there and knowingly watch someone stop two of those heartbeats just so she won't be F****ng inconvenienced, ESPECIALLY after they made the choice to come off the pill because THAT was an inconvenience!! I am shattered. I will admit to being semi-pro choice before being pregnant myself, but now I cannot imagine anything other than a tramautic medical reason being a justification for ending a pregnancy. And I did not have a good time of it. I hated being pregnant. I hated the inconvenience, the sickness, the misery, the aches and pains, the stiches, the stretch marks that I still have and will probably always have. But no way in this world could I have aborted my precious child after seeing that sonogram and seeing that little heart working just as hard as it could to make her grow.

What a selfish bitch. WHAT A SELFISH, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE DISGUSTING BITCH. And what a LOSER boyfriend for letting her go through with it. She should be spayed like the dog she is and prevented from any further inconvenience in her life. God bless the child she does have, because he will probably never know what it is like to be anything other than a symbol. God help him if HE ever inconveniences her hip, urban lifestyle. I wonder if she has told him she killed his siblings?

I cannot believe this. I knew I should not have even clicked on this thread.

[TitanTiger 20,471]

It is absolutely sickening and heartbreaking that people who call themselves "human" would make life and death decisions on this kind of basis. My wife and I tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant. We have a couple in our church that just got pregnant for the first time after trying for almost 4 years. We know another couple that has been trying for over 7 years, including multiple in vitro treatments and other options.

Having children is such a privilege and a blessing. Then you look at someone like this who completely takes this blessing for granted. In fact, in many ways, she doesn't even see the blessing, only the inconvenience and "hardship". It just makes me so mad that she would play God like this so as not to cramp her lifestyle.

People like this just don't even deserve kids. They are beneath such an honor.

[WarTim 3,456]

I agree with all of the above. (Especially Jenny ! ! )

I would dearly love to read the arguement of anyone that could be stupid enough to try and defend the actions of this "person".

I wonder just how long God will continue to BLESS America with this kind of

MURDER taking place EVERY DAY ! ! ! !

[Jenny AU-92 0]

I just emailed a paraphrased version of my post to the editor of the NY Times. I encourage you all to do the same:

letters@nytimes.com

[CarolinaTiger 0]

we are so fortunate to live in such an advanced, enlightened age...