I've been in the NICU the past few years and relatively routinely have this sort of conversation with families. A lot of them can phrase things this way and it's a lot of gentle redirection for what they're saying, but it's super common that they take this "we're either trying to save him or we're giving up on him" despite hours of conversations trying to fill in the gaps of "grey" between what seems like black and white sometimes.
There's a lot of trauma, the medical info is overwhelming and families are being hit with 9,000 things all at once, usually with both mom and baby's health on the line. And so a lot of it is the same coping mechanisms you'd see after car wrecks, deaths, military things, etc.
Survival today is ~50/50 for 23 weekers so, back 20 years ago it was more 25/75 chance of survival, so most died. Along with that, making it out (both then and now) without problems with your brain, eyes, lungs, intestines, etc can be even tougher, and at least half of the 23 weekers go home with relatively significant problems they have to deal with long term. There's a calculator we often use to ballpark (https://www.nichd.nih.gov/research/supported/EPBO/use) for anyone who wants to play around with it.
The chance of death and major morbidities is high enough that we usually have discussions with family and offer them options of all the life saving heroic measures, vs comfort care and letting baby pass away in their arms and not putting them/family through the invasiveness of attempting to keep the littles ones alive if the situation is particularly grim. For the ones who want to pursue everything, we usually do up until the point that it looks like things are so severe there's no way to recover, which I assume is roughly the convo they had with mom. "We'll try everything as long as we can as long as he's responding to it, but if his body is failing with everything we have then we'll move to letting you hold him as he moves on from this life."
The NICU journey and beyond is a wild one, and so with you and everyone on all of this. He and his mom are both absolute warriors. I had no idea he was a premie until recently, and so it's so fantastic to see him doing so well. All glory to God, weagle weagle