Reason for Heat Wave Finally Discovered

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SOUTHERN WEATHER REPORT

FOX NEWS SPORTS & WEATHER

According to a study to be published on Friday, two of the world's leading climatologists have gone on record saying that the extreme heat in the Southeast is not a result of global warming. The two Swedish experts have identified the source of the heat as being centralized in the great state of Alabama.

According to their findings, it is a localized phenomenon that has occurred 9 times in the last 25 years. Apparently, every time the Universityof Alabama hires a new football coach the collective hot air espoused from the "Bama Nation" about National and Conference championships and premature recruiting "commitments" actually causes a significant increase in air temperatures in the Southern US.

The study went on to confirm that the natural progression of the following events will cause the heat wave to subside rather rapidly after the first of September. Among other things, the scientists note that: UA quarterback Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson will spend so much time on his back during the month of September that law enforcement will arrest him on suspicion of engaging in prostitution; the assistant coaching staff at UA that couldn't get arrested selling Gravy Train at a Michael Vick barbecue will be exposed for the inexperienced group that they are; and, finally, Coach Nick LepreSaban will be seen firmly clutching his pot of gold while mumbling about unrealistic fan expectations to the media.

The study has confirmed that by the end of September more seasonable weather should reappear.

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