Late night

[Tigermike 2,605]

“This weekend, Bill Clinton said Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. Yeah, when asked why, Bill said, ‘Because then she’d come home’.”— Conan O’Brien

David Letterman: From the “Top Ten Contest” on “Top Ten Dumb Guy Ways to Boost the Economy”: Rummage through rich folks’ trash to see if they’ve tossed any cash—Fresno, CA; Release that “Titanic” movie again—East Greenbush, NY; Each person collects $200 when they pass “Go”—Arcola, IL; Reduce America’s oil dependency by inventing nacho cheese-powered car—Orlando, FL; Two words: bake sale—Chatsworth, CA; Just turn the graphs upside down—Pound Ridge, NY; Give tax refunds in Cheetos (I’m not sure how that would help the economy, but boy am I hungry for some Cheetos)—Hoover, AL; Put Chuck Norris in charge of collecting money from deadbeat taxpayers—Meridien, CT

Jay Leno: Here’s kind of a philosophical question: If a sniper fires a gun in the woods and nobody’s around, does Hillary Clinton still hear it? ... Hey, have you heard Hillary Clinton’s new campaign slogan? “Incoming!” ... As you know, Hillary Clinton now blaming her embellishment of her Bosnia trip on lack of sleep. See, that’s the difference between Hillary and Bill right there. After a night of no sleep, Bill never had a problem coming up with a believable story. ... Actually, new revelations about Hillary’s trip to Bosnia. You know that whole thing? It turns out it was a misunderstanding. Now she says she went there looking to hire a sniper.... It looks like there’s a little more fudging of Hillary’s records. Remember when she said she was deeply involved in the Irish Peace Process? Turns out, she just saw “Lord of the Dance.” ... It’s getting nasty. Hillary and Barack really going at it. They’re insulting each other, trading barbs, attacking each other’s credibility. In fact, the only break they take from attacking each other is when they promise the American people, if elected, they can unite the country.