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McCain Comes Under Fire For “Bitter� Comments


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McCain Comes Under Fire For “Bitter” Comments

Traveling in Pennsylvania today, Republican presidential candidate John McCain told a small town gathering that liberals gravitate to certain causes out of bitterness fomented by their failure to succeed despite impressive SAT scores, domination of the world of academia, and intellectually incurious opponents.

“You go into these big cities in California, and, like a lot of big cities along both coasts of this great nation, you’ve got a multitude of Starbucks baristas with Ph.D’s in philosophy who can’t understand why the world doesn’t conform to their utopian vision,” said McCain. “So it’s not surprising that at a time when their country is the world’s sole superpower, using its military to fight a just war against Islamic terrorism, and its citizenry is renewing their faith in Christianity, they get bitter and cling to hopeless causes like partial-birth abortion, multi-culturalism, and the rehabilitation of serial killers.”

McCain campaign chairman Phil Gramm tried to head-off controversy as the senator’s comments made the rounds.

“Some will say that John McCain is stereotyping liberals,” said Gramm. “Still others will suggest that he’s out of touch with big-city values. So let me be clear: neither of these accusations approach the true depth of Senator McCain’s disdain for self-loathing leftist whiners who apparently spent a tad too long suckling at the grimy teat of their bohemian, unemployed mom.”

Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama was quick to respond.

“This is yet another example of how low Republicans are willing to stoop in order to get elected. I was particularly offended at Senator McCain’s insistence on quoting actual statements from Democrats to support his allegation, thus making it nearly impossible for me to redirect the debate to the vagaries of hope. I expected more from a man his age.”

The Nose on Your Face

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