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"I am Bammer"

AuburnGrad78

By AuburnGrad78
in Rivals Football

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AuburnGrad78 Mentor

AuburnGrad78 0

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I'm sure many of you have read the excellent "I am Auburn."

I am concerned that such an essay does not exist for our friends on the edge of reality.

Therefore, I would challenge this eminently qualified message board to prepare such an essay.

Who knows?  It might end up being printed on a poster or T-shirt and sold at Wal-Mart!

Please suggest your statements.  I will start with a couple.

"I am Bammer.  I am the unemployed lawn guy who rubs his team's slightest success in the face of everyone around me, so that I am hated by all."

"I am the attorney who considers rule breaking part of a winning program, then complains that the NCAA hates my school when it is penalized."

"I am the inebriated woman who got a DUI within minutes of assaulting my team's new coach upon his arrival."

(Your additions?)

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Connecticut Tiger Proficient

Connecticut Tiger 0

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...If my working TV sits on top of my Non-working TV....then "I AM BAMMER".

...Because I have had to move my transmission before I took a bath..."I AM BAMMER".

....If I can't remember 2002 to 2007 (which for some Bammers was 8th grade)..."I AM BAMMER"

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Weegle777 Founding Father

Weegle777 63

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I have two giant tractor tires buried halfway on both sides of my dirt driveway, with an old piece of PVC drain pipe as a mailbox, I am a bammer.

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ausoldiergrad Mentor

ausoldiergrad 57

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If the night after the '92 championship game, you woke up next to your sister were still to happy to care, you might be a bammer...

If your 18 year old nephew/son drank up all ur dadgum gameday bur and it aint even kickoff yet, you might be a bammer...

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AuburnGrad78 Mentor

AuburnGrad78 0

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OK, now, these are great, but we are getting away from the "I am Auburn" applied to Turds and riffing Jeff Foxworthy.  That's certainly appropriate, but let's keep not insult rednecks by saying they are all like Bammers.

All Bammers might be rednecks, but not all rednecks are Bammers.

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ausoldiergrad Mentor

ausoldiergrad 57

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OK, now, these are great, but we are getting away from the "I am Auburn" applied to Turds and riffing Jeff Foxworthy.  That's certainly appropriate, but let's keep not insult rednecks by saying they are all like Bammers.

All Bammers might be rednecks, but not all rednecks are Bammers.

Yeah, that's true.  I am a little redneck from time to time, but I won't ever be confused with a bammer.  

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GenTso Community Regular

GenTso 0

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I count all mythical national championships awarded to bammer teams that went on to lose their bowl game as a whole national title with absolutely no credit going to the team that won their bowl game AND the title, but count Auburn's shared 1957 title (and anyone else not named bammer) as only 1/2 a mnc. I AM BAMMER.

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genebeliever Enthusiast

genebeliever 0

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I asked my probation officer if my anklet range included Tuscaloser on game day. I am Bammer.

I had my Mullet fluffed and had my jorts starched. I am Bammer.

I sold my son's laptop to get one row closer to Saban. I am Bammer.

I asked my boss if I could get off early to watch the Tide. He told me that I would have to finish cleaning the Slurpee machine first. I am Bammer.

I told my wife that the Tide had better cover or the '74 Pinto would have to be pawned (again). I am Bammer.

I just had Saban's face tattooed next to my Bear leaning against the goalpost. I am Bammer.

I named my child Krimson (true in Homewood). I am Bammer.

I think that Shane from Centerpoint is an expert on football. I am Bammer.

I brushed my tooth and had my wife wax her "red zone" in case I go for two at the half. I am Bammer!

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AU Cav Mentor

AU Cav 0

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I beat my wife if we lose and myself if we win, I am Bammer.

Because I don't realize that the 'University of Alabama' and 'Bama' are the same thing, I am Bammer.

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kevon67 Founding Father

kevon67 2,368

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I beat my wife if we lose and myself if we win, I am Bammer.

Because I don't realize that the 'University of Alabama' and 'Bama' are the same thing, I am Bammer.

Spit Diet Dew all over my shirt  :laugh:

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WarEagle10 Founding Father

WarEagle10 77

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True story that I think sums up a "bammer".

Last summer me and a buddy went to Wal-Mart to pick up some fishing lures. My buddy is UGA all the way and hates the turds also. We pull into a spot right as another car is pulling in. The hood color doesn't match the door color which doesn't match the rust color of the trunk. I wait for them to get out and this female that weighs more than a tad to much gets out. She is wearing a tank top that is about 4 sizes to small and it has an elephant head on it. Her husband/boyfriend/brother, whatever he was get's out. He is pencil thin with a bama hat from probably the '80's and as fine a mullet as you have ever seen. I tell my buddy to "check out this pair" as we are sitting in the truck and we both snicker. He says "typical". They are walking in front of us and we can tell they are arguing. They both stop to continue their argument and as we walk by mullet says to female "Don't get all uppity just 'cause we are at the Wal-Mart". Me and my buddy both had to bite our lips to keep from losing it. IMO this is a classic description of the vast majority of that fanbase, not all mind you, but the majority.

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AU Counsel Veteran

AU Counsel 64

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I'm having dinner earlier this week with two Bama fans. One notices a man with a mullet enterting the restaulant and tells us to look.  The other can't see him and says "please tell me he isn't wearing an Alabama shirt."  But yes, he was....

My hair tells my story...business in the front, party in the back.  I am Bammer.

My wife and I are cousins on both sides of the family.  I am Bammer.

The spaces between the teeth I have left make flossing unnecessary.  I am Bammer.

Hold my beer, I'm about to propose to my girlfriend here at the stadium.  I am Bammer.

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toomexy Collaborator

toomexy 0

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Here is my version of "I am Auburn" for a bammer guy...

I am Bama.  I live vicariously through my team.  I use words like "we" when describing my team.  Like We will destroy that team in West Georgia.  Like I'm actually on the team, even though, I never went to college.  I am bama.  I proudly wear my 13th national championship t shirt, and my kids name are brodie, sarah jessica parker wilson, and bryant.  I believe in the "process" even if it means cutting a kid who had dreamed of playing at bama for his entire life.  Well, he can take a medical hardship.  I am bama.  I believe Bama could beat an NFL team.  I believe houndstooth never goes out of style.  I listen to Paul Finebaum.  My trailer is painted crimson and white.  I have a mullet and wear jean shorts because I didn't know it went out of style.  I AM BAMA!  I drove for 2 hours to see the NC trophy in a wal-mart.  Oh and while I was there I bought a cheap case of beer and a bama t shirt.  I am loser and didn't even know it.  I'm BAMA. RMFTR! 

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