saniflush 0 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 LINK Chaste Chad could not think of an article lead-in “Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.†– Edward de Bono Auburn entered the 2003 football season with enormous expectations. Preseason magazines hailed the Tigers as a top five team, and the Sporting News went as far as predicting the Plainsmen would win the national title. But like my senior prom date, Auburn did not put out. Unlike my prom date, Auburn never told the entire school that I was a bad dancer and my breath smelt like eggs. Failing to meet expectations is a problem that has plagued Auburn in recent years. This has led many Tiger fans to believe that their team is better off when no one is paying attention. They figure Auburn can sneak up the polls unnoticed, like in 2004, when they locked arms, sang spirituals, and snuck all the way up to third, but forgot to sneak any further. Needless to say, when the A.P. released its preseason rankings this year, revealing that Auburn was fourth in the nation, those fans stuck their collective fingers in their ears and said, “We’re not listening, la la la la la la la.†I must confess, these premature accolades scare me too, but why? Forgettable football seasons aside, think of all the bad things that have not happened when Auburn entered the season highly ranked… 1. The Earth has not been destroyed by an asteroid 2. Paris Hilton has not recorded an album 3. Citizens of the second most obese state in the union have not tried to squeeze into Under Armor apparel So when I look at it that way, the preseason ranking is nothing to fear, but even so, I pray that just once Auburn can live up to the hype, so when I die, my obituary will read… Chaste Chad, 102, of Glencoe, Alabama died while having sex in his Malibu home on Tuesday morning. A famed author and philanthropists, he once saw his beloved Auburn Tigers live up to pre-season expectations. You have to admit, this season feels different than the others, so maybe the Tigers will actually play to their potential. Think about it, every other time that Auburn began the season highly ranked, there were nine planets, Lance Bass was straight, and ice cream was not a suitable punishment for possession of marijuana and carrying a pistol without a license. The times are changing folks, this could be our year. If Auburn does plan on living up to the hype, they have to start by beating Washington State on Saturday night. And as you know, out of conference games against BSC schools have not been kind to the Tigers of late. After last season’s opener, Tiger fans wondered if perhaps Georgia Tech was a top five team, but when they turned out to be a ramblin' wreck of crap, it became obvious that Auburn is just cursed. Fortunately, nothing helps cure a curse like a mediocre PAC-10 team. Founded in 1890, Washington State University (Motto: Yes we still play football) is located in Pullman, Washington. The state’s land-grant research university, WSU has an enrollment of 23,000 students, and boasts well-respected engineering, agriculture, and veterinary programs. In fact, Washington State is exactly what Auburn would be like, if it were located in the Pacific Northwest, and the football team were co-ed. Saturday, the Tigers and Cougars will meet for the first time in the history of the Earth. This will not be a home-and-home series though, because quite frankly, no one knows how to get to Pullman. In fact, when Washington State plays a road game, there are no assurances the team will ever find their way back. And as much as I want to go on making fun of Washington State, I can’t, because these are the same people who sent that boobie-loving geriatric to coach Alabama, and for that I remain forever grateful. So safe travels for those going to Auburn on Saturday. And if you can’t be there, the game will be shown live on ESPN2 at 6:45, much to the chagrin of poker players and the world’s strongest man. Click clack http://www.daybeardied.com/daybeardied.mp3 bw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeagleDMS 0 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You have to admit, this season feels different than the others, so maybe the Tigers will actually play to their potential. Think about it, every other time that Auburn began the season highly ranked, there were nine planets, Lance Bass was straight, and ice cream was not a suitable punishment for possession of marijuana and carrying a pistol without a license. The times are changing folks, this could be our year. QUOTE OF THE YEAR. It all makes sense now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarTim 3,456 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You have to admit, this season feels different than the others, so maybe the Tigers will actually play to their potential. Think about it, every other time that Auburn began the season highly ranked, there were nine planets, Lance Bass was straight, and ice cream was not a suitable punishment for possession of marijuana and carrying a pistol without a license. The times are changing folks, this could be our year. QUOTE OF THE YEAR. It all makes sense now. BTW...Did flipper ever disclose what "flavor" of Ice Cream he would be serving a certain player as punishment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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