Al Qaeda issued multiple statements

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July 5, 2007

Britain Lowers Terror Threat To “Amusing” Following Glasgow High-Jinx

Britain announced today that it had lowered its nation-wide terror alert level from “critical” to “amusing” as details emerged of the three failed car bomb attempts over the weekend.

“I haven’t laughed this hard since Ken Livingstone was elected Mayor of London,” said one key counter-terrorism officer. ”Honestly, it’s hard to do my job. I keep trying to get focused, and then I look at the picture of that crispy fat doctor getting scraped off the pavement after he got owned by a cabby, and well, the laughter gets uncontrollable. Can’t you picture the guy saying, ‘I’ll murderize ya?’”

After gaining his composure, the officer continued.

“We still need to be vigilant. Who knows what might come next….perhaps… a rash of…. vicious nose tweaks.”

Al Qaeda issued multiple statements saying they had no idea who the men were.

Filed under Conservative satire by R. H. Potfry .

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