The Auburner's Take

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http://theauburner.com/ryan_alabamathoughts.html

Alabama Thoughts

11-19-07

by: Ryan

My Conspiracy Theory regarding Alabama winning because the refs help them out has been thoroughly debunked. What would have made my theory completely bulletproof would be if Bama had lost these past two games because their underdog opponents didn’t have the refs helping Bama out. But that’s not the case. In the previous two upsets against Bama, the penalties have been as lopsided as they have been all season.

Observe:

Bama vs. MSU

Bama Penalties: 5 yards (season average: 35.81 yards/game)

MSU penalties: 75 yards (season average: 50.27 yards/game)

Bama vs. ULM

Bama Penalties: 16 yards

ULM penalties: 65 yards (season average: 69.35 yards/game)

So in defense of my theory, ULM has an unreasonably high average anyways, and therefore you could assume that the refs had no pull in this game, which would be why Bama lost. What shoots a hole in my theory is that Bama lost even though the refs helped them against MSU. Therefore, Bama did not lose these games because they can’t win without the refs - they lost because they suck. My apologies to all Bama fans.

The only thing that could have made this weekend better would be if Vanderbilt had hit that last second field goal to beat Tennessee. But I have no right to complain with the early Christmas present Bama gave to us. I don’t know how they did it, but they found a way to lose to ULM. I still can’t believe it. I feel guilty, because nothing so deliciously amazing and gratifying comes free like this. I think I might skip dinner or something to make myself feel better… who am I kidding, this calls for some steak and lobster (I don’t even like lobster, but the occasion calls for it). I’m Tivo-ing the replay on CSS, and then I’m going to burn it to DVD and then I’m going to mail a copy of it to Mal Moore every Christmas… and probably mail an extra copy to myself for kicks.

Now I usually let my emotions die down before I write something like this, because I’m a bit too optimistic about the whole thing at this point. Let’s take a breather, and go through the pros and cons of the worst loss in recent Bama history:

Pro: The obvious, Bama lost to a lower tier Sun Belt team. If the Sun Belt is the septic tank of the NCAA, then Louisiana Monroe is the crap inside. There is nothing more entertaining than watching Alabama try to claw their way out of mediocrity, only to be sucked back in with what has to be the second biggest upset of the year (App. State over Michigan was a bit worse, and Stanford over USC was pretty huge but they play each other every year, it was eventually going to happen)

Con: It was bad enough having CBS drop the Iron Bowl because the matchup wouldn’t draw any ratings with both Bama and Auburn playing dead the previous week (I don’t need to remind you of how Bama getting Croomed by MSU (we feel ya) or Auburn having the score run up on them by Georgia). Now Alabama has fallen off the face of the Earth, and now the nation’s most intense rivalry has absolutely no national significance.

Pro: This was Nick Saban’s fault. There’s no way around it. Whether it was looking forward to Auburn for the Iron Bowl, dealing with player suspensions, or coping with the loss to Mississippi State, there is no reason why a team like Alabama should ever lose to a team like Louisiana Monroe. And it is most DEFINITELY NOT the players’ fault. According to scout.com, Alabama was ranked 22, 18, 16, and 19 and ULM was ranked 116, 108, 110, and 112 in the nation in recruiting classes in the past four years. When there is that much of a gap in talent, the only place where you can place blame is on the coach.

Con: This secures the SEC East’s overall dominance over the West this year. If I were to rank the SEC (realistically for once) I’d make it 1) Georgia 2) LSU 3) Tennessee 4) Auburn 5) Florida 6) Kentucky 7) South Carolina 8) Alabama 9) Arkansas 10) Mississippi State 11) Vanderbilt 12) Ole Miss

The thing about this season is that every team has been incredibly bipolar: Alabama spanked Tennessee, who spanked Georgia, who spanked Auburn, who beat Florida, who beat… so you can scramble my 3-6 picks and the argument for each position would be just as valid. The point is that no matter how you scramble it, the East dominates the top half of the list while the West dominates the lower half.

Pro: The chance of Bammer hopelessness. I don’t think it’s likely, but a loss to a team like Louisiana-Monroe might be enough to finally break the spirits of Alabama. Alabama might come into the Iron Bowl believing they’ve already lost…

Con: A desperate Bama team approaches. Much like the previous years, Bama has a lot more riding on this game than Auburn. Saban, unless he is completely content with screwing Bama over, desperately needs to end the season over .500. Otherwise, I would deem this season a step backward from last year where Shula lead the Tide to a 6-7 season, ending with a 4-game losing streak. It would only be a step backward due to the number of embarrassing losses and the money spent to experience them. Alabama invested $32 million just to win this game, while Auburn merely has a lot of old jokes they’d like to keep using invested in this game. Look out.

Here’s an interesting thought, if you disperse the right SEC team to each conference, each team could win the championship of their new conference. For instance, if you were to transfer Florida to the Pac-10, they’d win the conference no sweat. Tell me if you don’t think these teams could win the championship in their assigned conference this year:

Florida to the Pac-10 (Pac-10 explosiveness on offense, only with an SEC defense)

LSU to the Big Ten (They could drop one to Ohio State or Michigan and sweep the rest)

Tennessee to the Big East (They’re allowed to be bipolar with these defenses)

Georgia to the Big XII (Assuming they wear black all year)

Auburn to the ACC (An easy assignment for the Tigers)

Kentucky to the CUSA (They’d be ranked #1 right now if they were)

South Carolina to the MAC (Every game would be a blowout)

Alabama to the WAC (No one would ever find out how overpaid Saban is)

Arkansas to the Sun Belt (Just don’t pass the ball)

Mississippi State to the Mountain West (I think they’d win it)

Vanderbilt and Ole Miss are Independents (maybe next year kids.)

So the way I think of it, is that the SEC is just the culmination of what would be champions of all the other conferences. This is easily the most SEC elitist statement I have ever made, but I believe it’s true. But if you thought the SEC was cut-throat this year, its only going to get worse next year. The only team that will likely get worse next year is LSU (and maybe Georgia), while Florida, Auburn, Alabama, South Carolina, and Mississippi State are all on their way up. I think we should just divide and conquer next year.

War Eagle!

Also, they have this

http://theauburner.com/mark_paygap.html

Salary Gap

11-17-07

by: Mark

For the first time in college football history, the highest paid coach in D1 was beaten by the lowest paid coach in D1. See chart for illustration of hilarity. (source)