Tiger1992 999 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Apologies to the Bama fans whose feelings may be hurt. This was sent to me and I thought I'd post it here (with whatever typos and/or grammatical errors are already there). A few are a little mean-spirited, but most are pretty funny (if you're an Auburn fan). War Eagle! What is Alabama football? It is getting serenaded with "Rocky Top" by the Minnesota band after losing a 3rd-tier bowl game. It is worshipping an old dead drunk. It is losing cases in courtrooms from Memphis to Tuscaloosa and still thinking you were innocent. It is losing 3 in a row and 4 of 5 to your arch-rival and still maintaining an air of superiority. It's rolling baby, it's rolling. (I love Destiny references) It is never beating your archrival in your home stadium, named after the dead drunk, and claiming your archrival has an inferiority complex. It is claiming 12 national titles when no one else with half a brain recognizes you with more than 6. It is claiming a national championship after losing to Mississippi State and Vandy. It is claiming national championships retroactively. It is claiming national championships after losing your bowl game. It is all about the Benjamins. It is 5 coaches in 5 years. It is 2 probations for cheating in less than 10 years. It is a worse record and winning percentage than AU in the last 20 years. It is going to Hawaii to get beat and calling it a "Bowl" game. It is moral victory after moral victory. It is having a coach with less career wins than Tuberville got in one year. It is knowing that your biggest tradition is buying and bidding on players. It is being a national laughingstock and not even realizing it. It is delusion, delusion, delusion.. It is "knowing" you are the best team even when you lose. It is knowing that the refs are against you. It is knowing that the NCAA is against you. It is knowing that UT owns you. It is getting turned down by USF's coach. It is trying to make yourself believe that you're superior to Auburn. It is going through 4 coaches in 2 years. It is having head coaches leave for places like Duke, Kentucky, UTEP, Texas A&M, Millsaps College, and Luverne High School. It is having your 5th choice for HC turn you down. It is asking if "Got Twelve?" refers to the number of players in your history that weren't bought and paid for. It is watching Tommy Tuberville AND Phil Fulmer having as many SEC wins at your home stadium as your own Head Coach. It is dreaming of a day when you could beat Tennessee 3 times in 15 months. It is hoping that Northern Illinois doesn't show up again to ruin Homecoming. It is reminiscing of Shula's Greatest Game - a win over Southern Miss. It is offering Ole Miss walk-ons Football Scholarships. It is sharing a home field with the Blazers. It is being proudly named the "Crimson Tide" after merely tying Auburn in a football game - and broadcasting that fact to the world on your website. It is fans proudly displaying toilet paper rolls and empty detergent boxes when the whole world can see that you don't know how to use either. It is a Million Dollar Band and a Two Million Dollar Defensive Line. It is decades of ignorantly mocking your arch rival for being named the Tigers and yelling "War Eagle" when you're called the Crimson Tide and have an Elephant walk the sidelines. It is having your head football coach make less than the head basketball coach. It is Phyllis of Mulga being the prettiest face in the Bama crowd. It is giving your head coach a contract extension after going 4-9 and 6-6. It is giving your head coach a contract where he can earn a bonus for winning 7 games - and the bonus remaining unpaid. It is throwing bricks through your coach's window after a 10 win season. It is knowing that Notre Dame takes pride in saying "well, at least we're not as bad as Alabama". It is bragging about playing your arch rival close but losing with your third string QB, third string FB, and third string RB when just 2 years prior your arch rival beat you with their second string QB, fourth string FB, and fourth string RB on your own field. It is running off the last coach that won you a National Championship. It is recognizing that the closest your Head Coach and Quarterback will be to a ring is when they shake their fa ther's hand. It is threatening to leave the SEC and having no one notice. It is pulling for Memphis because they're actually winning and they have your 150k D-lineman. It is proclaiming your QB to be the best thing since sliced bread after he shreds Utah State, Mississippi, and Western Carolina before he gets hurt....again. It is having a head coach realize that the ugliest stripper in Pensacola was prettier than the Alabama coaching job. It is running off your backup QB by playing him with a concussion. It is having a losing record since January 1st 2000. It is tarnishing the legend of your greatest coach by playing an incoherent drunken sound-clip at the beginning of each football game. It is knowing what used to be and then realizing what is. It is being the fourth best football team in your state. It is scoring 20 whole points in 3 centuries against your arch-rival on campus. It is forfeiting games for playing an ineligible player for an entire season. It is getting caught cheating while still on probation. It is having the AD with the most experience hiring head coaches in the nation, yet worst track record. It is trying to convince your 15 year old son that Bama is a powerhouse because he can't remember those days. It is having your senior quarterback declare that his team has as much talent as Auburn, despite being 0-3 vs. Auburn and watching Auburn win 5 more games against mutual opponents over the past 3 years. ! It is having Vandy or Kentucky on your schedule for 50 consecutive years, until 2005's SEC rotation finally kicks them both off. It is running up the score....against Western Carolina....and limping off the field. It is declaring that your D is "back" despite watching it give up 20 or more points to Arkansas, South Carolina, LSU, Auburn, and Minnesota - all in losing efforts. It is breathing a sigh of relief, because Troy lost to Northern Illinois too! It is bringing an offensive coordinator out of a 4 year retirement...from Tulsa...after he posted 1 winning record in 12 seasons. It is bragging that as an OC, Shula's NFL O was ranked #29, and then realizing that the NFL only has 32 teams. It is preselling season DVDs because no one will want to buy them after the season. It is having a radio announcer that will remind you of a victory 20 years ago every five minutes. It is paying more to settle sexual harassment lawsuits against your coaches than you paid to build your chimes named after an all-night diner. It is having a flea market outside your stadium on game day and calling it "atmosphere". It is knowing that your coach scored more on his secretary than he did against Auburn in your home stadium. It is having Auburn's head coach given The "Bahr Bryant" coaching award. It is the memory of your greatest coach losi! ng his last Iron Bowl. It is that horrid pregame shrill you call an elephant that more accurately resembles the sound of the Bear rolling over in his grave. It is having a local Mercedes plant but advertising that Kia is the official import car of your football team. It is having a losing record to Phil Fulmer who bears a remarkable resemblance to the Pillsbury Dough Boy. It is hiring your head coach away from being a Maitre D' at a steak-house. It is paying 900k a year to go 10-15. It's having a 2-3 record versus Louisiana Tech. It is being turned in by the Dough Boy, then blaming him because you were cheating. It is coming to the gross realization that you may never be a great team again because the NCAA has finally figured you out. This is Alabama Football. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaGrad03 0 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Guess itd be funny if it hadnt already been posted here like a million times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proud Tiger 4,261 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 This was posted here on August 3. Look on page 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tgr4lfe 220 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Guess itd be funny if it hadnt already been posted here like a million times. 172577[/snapback] Guess not! It is funny no matter how many times it is posted, don't be so sore that you elephnats are in such a big hole they can't climb out of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdpal 0 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Guess itd be funny if it hadnt already been posted here like a million times. 172577[/snapback] For once in my life.................BG if your standing please sit for this..................I totally agree with BG!! There I feel better now. It was hilarious the first time, funny the 2nd time, and even humorous the third and fourth time I read it. As BG meant though it is getting kind of stale. Nice try though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger1992 999 Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 Excuse the hell out of me. I haven't been online much lately and didn't do a search to see if it had already been posted. Sorry to waste anyone's time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texan4Auburn 1,626 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Guess itd be funny if it hadnt already been posted here like a million times. 172577[/snapback] Now come on man, its a Auburn board what do you expect. I'm sure you get a laugh out of the cow jokes on Bama boards, and thats the only joke you people know and have used since well, hell since I was born. Million cow jokes a day. I just checked, yup cow and farm references are there, guess it would be funny if you didn't use a billion times a day for 50 years. Like your program, your jokes are living off the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iluvorangeandblue 0 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 geez, give the guy a break! I have read it before also, but a skim through it always gets a smile out of me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUesquire 1 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Be more careful next time 92, okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarEagle_57 0 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 It hasn't been posted as many times as that stupid one about Auburn. And that's on AUBURN boards. I don't even want to know how many times that thing was posted on their own boards. The thead over on ITAT with them coming up with all these was great. Thanks for sharing the compiled list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarTim 3,457 Posted August 5, 2005 Share Posted August 5, 2005 Not only is it humorous, it is truthful and informative as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKCAUB 0 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Excuse the hell out of me. I haven't been online much lately and didn't do a search to see if it had already been posted. Sorry to waste anyone's time. 172610[/snapback] ...and you didn't provide a link!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarTiger 3,919 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 this is hilarious, and also EXTREMELY ACCURATE....Truth hurts doesn't it BG..LOL.... Please post this as often as you like.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingfish 73 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Excuse the hell out of me. I haven't been online much lately and didn't do a search to see if it had already been posted. Sorry to waste anyone's time. 172610[/snapback] Tiger, keep the posts coming ... this would be funny after a thousand times. The reason its so funny is because there are so many truths in it. WAR EAGLE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autigger 0 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 I am glad he posted it b/c i hadnt read it yet! And ill admit i thought it was funny as hell......l Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgreatau 0 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Well, I wasn't here two months ago and this is the first time that I have ever read it. Thanks for making the post. I cannot stop laughing. It's all so true. Alex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proud Tiger 4,261 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Well, I wasn't here two months ago and this is the first time that I have ever read it. Thanks for making the post. I cannot stop laughing. It's all so true. Alex 172810[/snapback] But you were here August 3rd weren't you? He can post it everyday if he likes. I just noted it was just down the board a bit when he posted it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingfish 73 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Well, I wasn't here two months ago and this is the first time that I have ever read it. Thanks for making the post. I cannot stop laughing. It's all so true. Alex 172810[/snapback] I hadn't see it either. This should be on the required reading list for all incoming freshman. WAR EAGLE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgreatau 0 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 My apologies, I was skimming this post and thought that I saw someone mention that this is a two month old post. Whenenver it was posted, I had yet to see it until now. Alex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
japantiger 4,051 Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 Post it every day if you like. I hate Alabama and I want you to hate them too........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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