Difference Between College Football

[AWK 0]

The Difference Between Football in the North and in the South

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Cheerleaders:

NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 16 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is and waves to the Northern idiots

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer or wine, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Captain Morgan/Crown.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captain Morgan/Crown.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: @mmit,youslowsumbitch-tacklehimandbreakhislegs.

Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH:D@mmit, youslowsumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; plann ing begins for next week's game

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of football in the South!!

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect it’s successful outcome.â€Â

[CCTAU 3,656]

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is and waves to the Northern idiots

OK. This one got a chuckle. And man can we wave.

[AUBURNTIGERFAN 0]

I posted this about 3 weeks ago