MDM4AU 332 Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissy fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll." Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way. To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South but I got here as fast as I could." Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLAG-91 1,483 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 **HERETIC ALERT** OK, there has got to be someone else in here besides me that was born and raised in the South, yet has never heard anyone make a reference to "sweet milk." Milk is, well, milk, be it whole, skim or something in between. Buttermilk is a completely different critter altogether. While I'm at it, I might as well keep going...it's been said that confession is good for the soul, so here goes: * I do not like sweet tea...unsweetened with lemon, but always iced, even if it's 10 degrees outside. * I do not like grits or gravy of any sort. * Someone please explain the lure of NASCAR and fishing shows because I just don't get it. * I have never eaten a Krystal burger while sober...to quote a comedian I heard once upon a time, "what animal does gray meat come from?" * I prefer IHOP over Waffle House and wheat over white. * I cannot ever remember voluntarily watching an episode of Hee Haw...it was either that or nothing at my grandparent's house back in the mid '70s. * My favorite beer isn't actually a beer (Newcastle Brown Ale). * I don't really like country music much. I guess I should surrender my Certificate of Southernicity now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarolinaTiger 0 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 turn in your credentials, slag... i've heard sweet milk all my life, dude... it's like i don't even know who you are anymore. you must be from the huntsville area.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger Al 0 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 **HERETIC ALERT** OK, there has got to be someone else in here besides me that was born and raised in the South, yet has never heard anyone make a reference to "sweet milk." Milk is, well, milk, be it whole, skim or something in between. Buttermilk is a completely different critter altogether. While I'm at it, I might as well keep going...it's been said that confession is good for the soul, so here goes: * I do not like sweet tea...unsweetened with lemon, but always iced, even if it's 10 degrees outside. * I do not like grits or gravy of any sort. * Someone please explain the lure of NASCAR and fishing shows because I just don't get it. * I have never eaten a Krystal burger while sober...to quote a comedian I heard once upon a time, "what animal does gray meat come from?" * I prefer IHOP over Waffle House and wheat over white. * I cannot ever remember voluntarily watching an episode of Hee Haw...it was either that or nothing at my grandparent's house back in the mid '70s. * My favorite beer isn't actually a beer (Newcastle Brown Ale). * I don't really like country music much. I guess I should surrender my Certificate of Southernicity now... Remember the last time we did this you and I found that we had many of the same dislikes. I'm with you on everything except the gravy, beer, Krystal and Waffle House. The type of bread is determined by what's between the slices. I've also heard white bread referred to as "light bread." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLAG-91 1,483 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 CT, the ironic part is that I have lived my entire life south of I-20 and the only time I've lived north of I-10 is when I was in Bryan/College Station. My mom is from Kentucky and I think most of them would drink red-eye gravy out of a glass if they could, so it's not that. I don't know how she managed it, but my sister doesn't even have a discernible accent. She's lived in the South all her life...people hear her talk and they are absolutely shocked that she grew up in Alabama. God love 'em, it's not like people didn't try with some of it...I was forcefed grits early and often cooked a variety of ways...I just wasn't having it. Same with broccoli and I haven't touched that since I was about 12, either. Where does Vienna sausage, deviled ham and Spam fall into the "southern" continuum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger Al 0 Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 I don't know how she managed it, but my sister doesn't even have a discernible accent. She's lived in the South all her life...people hear her talk and they are absolutely shocked that she grew up in Alabama. That's the same with me. When I first joined the Army people used to ask me where in the south I was from. Within a couple of years, people refused to believe I was from Alabama! Same now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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