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#BamaHateWeek (Bama Jokes)


caleb1633
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Spell-check much?

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Kindergarten

Billy Bob and his family moved from Alabama to Maine to so his Paw could find better work picking potatoes. The next day Billy Bob started his first day of kindergarten. When he got home he rushed to tell his Paw, "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today en Ah wuz the onliest one that could!"

His Paw replied "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

The next day he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to count as high as we could en Ah counted the highest!"

His Paw replied, "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

The next day, he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, today, when we wuz all in a line, Ah noticed Ah wuz the biggest of all! Ah bet that's cuz Ah'm from Bama, huh Paw?"

His Paw replied, "No son, that's cuz yer 17 years old."

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Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
 

Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.

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Shug's House

After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Auburn flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Auburn banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Shug gets a mansion with Auburn banners and AU flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not Shug's house. That's mine."

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Quarters!

An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Auburn fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Bama fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.

The Auburn fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"

To which the Bama fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"

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Stupid Rednecks!

A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."

The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds.

Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"

Edited by ToraGirl
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Bammer pick-up lines:

Did you fart? ‘Cause you just blew me away.

Maybe you ain’t the most beautiful girl around but hey, true love’s just a light switch away.

You look so familiar... are we related?

Would you like to increase my family’s genepool?

Edited by Auburn Kev
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Just heard this at the tailgate and apologize if it’s already been posted.

When using milf around a bammer make sure they know it’s someone other than their mother.

😂😂😂

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