Eagle5 46 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 The Manly Tiger Prophecies Manly Tiger’s Return to the Swamp Prophesy (Vol. I, 2019, Auburn vs. Florida, The Swamp, 5 October, 2019) And Lo, it came to pass, in the Age of Pearl, in the Year of Our Lord, Two Thousand and Nineteen, that the Gods of the Hardwood didst smile upon sweet Auburn, and the brotherhood of Bruce. Verily, hath the virile heat of Sir Pearl infused our verdant land as if a baptismal rain, exorcising demons of gloom, and summoning all to behold the Pennant of Only Four in the House of Bruce. The sign of vengeance hath been marked upon the breast of the double dribble conspirators, whose days doth number one hundred twenty and five. The Sword of Bruce is forged, and the head of the dark zebra readied for the block. Why doth ye rustle as if a fallen leaf from the ancient Toomer’s Oak? And why doth thy shrill cries pierce my palatial lair, disrupt my swilling of sweet conqueror’s grog in the company of fair maidens, begging of the foretelling of battles to come, and of Twelve and Oh? Didst thy fairest maiden not deliver from her loins a worthy prophet from this godly land, nor a sorcerer who brings sight to the blind, nor proud warriors who silence the slobbering soothsayers who hath pledged allegiance unto the dye-haired Dwarf Lord? Why this plaintive cry of my people, who stir in the safety of mother’s cellar in their bunkerly lairs? Enough! By the Blessed Abundant Maiden of the Jumbotron, whose fair countenance graces the Field of Dye, shall I herewith prophesy. Gather thy minions, young and old, and surround the great Oaks of Toomer, eight hours henceforth. Bring not thy young who wouldst mutter, ‘Father, this Prophesy is too long’, or ‘Father, I did not read’. By the Book of Darwin shall thy twittering young be banished from our land, for we are a learned race, lustful of written word, a people of godly omniscience, bred for strength in mind, body, and spirit. Then, didst night fall upon the Square of Toomer at the appointed hour, and didst the good and righteous People of the Plains gathereth forth in breathless quiet, arms locked in solidarity, awaiting the hour of Prophecy. “Lo, good People of the Plains, twenty and five years thenceforth,” bellowed the bearded Manly Tiger, “didst our proud warriors from the Pipeline of Dillard, and skilled marksman Nix invade the Land of the Jort, amid the arrogant foretelling of our doom in the sweltering reptilian Swamp. And there, was a chapter in the Book of Epic Southern Battle Lore written, as Nix didst drive the sword of death into the reptile’s neck at battle’s end.” “Arise, warriors of Steele, fasten armor and take up spear, sword and shield and release the Eagle of War! We ride this day unto the Reptile’s Lair, where the People of the Jort doth harbor the War Criminal of the Cowbell, Lord Quasimodo, who didst conspire to banish our righteous warrior, Camzilla, from the southern battlefields, nine years thenceforth. Verily, in cowardice didst Quasimodo sendeth forth his gangly maiden, Megan, to spew untruths unto the complicit scribes and red elephant henchmen.” “For Lo, is the hour of urgency is upon us, this Golden Age ours to seize, and unto the strong and unrivaled People of the Plains doth the signs of southern conquest appear daily. Amen, I say unto ye, an uprising stirs in the Swamp, and Lord Quasimodo, southern traitor, hath laid a trap unworthy of the southern battlefield.” “Hear ye, man, woman and child who long have awaited the lifting of the Voodoo of Red Stick spell cast upon Gustav the Great, which didst render him but a child in mind, and didst rack his brow with fear in battle, bringing shame and defeat to our nation. Thy weeping and mourning shall endeth today, and the not unrighteous uprising for twenty six million gold coins be ceased. For Sir Pearl hath calmed the troubled spirit of Gustav, expelled the Demons of Derp, and mighty is the stallion which Gustav hath mounted to lead battle for the Brand.” “Lo, of the lineage of Patrick hath a Child been born to us, a lethal marksman sent unto us, and he shall be worthy of the name of Bo, for the princely powers of pigskin potency rest upon his shoulders. And he shall he command battle’s hurried surge of furious flame in The Swamp, armor emblazoned with the 1 and 0, and shall his powers strike fear into the heart of our foes, and in the Toothless Nation of Crimson Kneck Elephantiasis.” “Amen I say, shall the People of Nineteen Hundred and Eighty, the Hunkering Pugnosers, cower in fear of the inevitable, Sixteen November, forty and three days thenceforth, on the Field of Marshall and Louis.” “And Lo, in the Battle of the Swamp, 5 October, Twenty and Nineteen Hundred, shall the gangly Trask gator breathe his last in the crushing vise of Three and Five.” “There shall the victorious Gustav stride amid battle’s bloody carnage, with Tiger conquest sure, draw sword, and lop off the head of Lord Quasimodo. And shall our warriors plunder and pillage, claiming the spoils of war, but spare woman, child, and Evil Genius.” “Yeah, I say unto ye raging Tiger minions, with Swamp fully drained and the Sword of Bo driven into the heart of the reptilian beast, shall our proud warriors return victorious to our land, where long into the Auburn eve shall a storm of tissue unfurl, cheer wenches cheer, and dance maidens dance. And shall the finest victory grog be swilled long into the October night. And shall our proud warriors rest undefeated, readying for the invasion of Fayette ‘Nam.” Amen. Manly Tiger Auburn Tigers 34 Florida Gators 17 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoALtiger 3,873 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Whoa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1auburn1 1,120 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Dats out da' box!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUsince72 11,084 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 @Eagle5 Somebody is obviously a writer. 😉 Good stuff sir & War Eagle!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aubiefifty 16,924 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 1 hour ago, NoALtiger said: Whoa he got the good stuff.............lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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