Tell your most humorous football tale here...

[Swamp Eagle 5,134]

Here's one I heard from the early 60's:

A small school in my neck of the woods wasn't very good back then (they've since won multiple state championships). One afternoon during a mid-season practice, the head coach told everybody to "get a knee."  The coach paced in and out between the row of players and said, "Fellas, we got a pretty good line; we got some tough running backs; we got folks that'll hit ya in the mouth...we even got a pretty good l'il QB. What we ain't got is any wins!" He stopped and looked around and said, "Can anybody tell me why!!"

Dead silence. Then, slowly, a hand raised among the kneeling players. "OK, Glen...tell us all why?"  "Well," answered Glen, "everybody 'round town says it's bad coachin'!"

[WDavE 332]

I coached youth football all the way to 14 year olds....

I had a quiet little boy that really didn't want to play football but his dad was making him do so. I use to play him at safety  just to get him in the game when I could and at practice when ever I could.

The first game I actually played him the other team scored on a long end around and when he came off the field I asked him what happened to him. He said "Coach the offensive guys are blocking me in the back on every play." I didn't think anything about it until I started watching the game film two nights later. He was certainly telling the truth about being blocked in the back. As soon as someone came to block him. He would turn and run the other way and the blocker would run him down.

 

Another was a little cornerback at practice one day. Here comes a sweep and the cornerback is out of position so I asked him "Son' what are you supposed to do on this play?" He said " I don't know coach Dave." My response was " This is our second week of practice and you don't know what your suppose to do?" "Your mom over by the fence knows what your suppose to do!" "Go ask her?" The little boy went running over to his mom crying.  I walked over a few minutes later to talk to his mom. "I said Ma'am that was not my intent to make him cry." She said  "I know it wasn't Dave!" "By the way he was suppose to keep outside leverage! "

I busted out laughing.....

[AUatHeart 624]

My HS coach had a bit of a speech impediment.  When he would get mad and yell at me it sounded like he was just yelling sh*t.  We were playing Hartselle one night and I completely wiffed on sealing the end.  Of course the DE made the tackle for loss and coach was just screaming at me, but since it sounded like he was cussing I just turned and went back to the huddle.

[McLoofus 35,182]

Team prayer in the locker room before the game. Water boy accidentally knocks over the Gatorade just outside. "Aw, SH**!" Prayer resumes after about 2 solid minutes of laughter. 

[boisnumber1 2,818]

If this post offends anyone, Im sorry, but to this day it cracks me up. My son when he was 5, played QB on his little league football team. One day after a game, I asked him what was his favorite play that they ran. He said very quickly "foe back doe". I had him repeat it a few times. Still sounded like "foe back doe". I was clueless what he was saying. I finally asked what the play was, he said he faked to the RB, then he turned and ran around the other end. Turns out the play was "Forrest (his name) back door". He had no idea other than "foe back doe". Priceless. I still kid him about it 20 years later. ?

[JoeinPF 94]

 So right after we were married, my late wife worked in the Desn of Women’s office as an assistant to Evelyn Jordan.  As my wife was from Baton Rouge, Evelyn gave her tickets to the Alabama/LSU game to be played in Tiger Stadium on year.

That year Alabama was led by star running back Johnny Musso and LSU was led by a great defense of back named Tommy Casanova.  The week before the game Casanova had guaranteed that Musso would not gain 100 yards against the Tigers. The first play from scrimmage Musso took the ball on a sweep right, was knocked out of bounds after a 15 yard gain, and Cazenovia speared him out of bounds.

 What was funny was the old woman - mayby in her 70’s sitting back behind us.  Although she had arrived at the game wearing a mink stole and wearing enough gold jewelry to pay for my current house and cars, she could have easly passed for a nice little old grandmother. While the referees were walking off the 15 yard personal foul penalty she was standing up screaming; “ that’s right, that’s right break his f#*$ing neck!”

[AUsince72 11,084]

We were living near Atlanta but when preparing for our wedding in 1996, my (now) wife wanted it in Knoxville since she has so much family there.  Plus there were florists, bakers, preachers etc so ... lots of help too ?

I agreed and after a particular trip, leaving me home to work, she comes back all excited with a date set, with church, country club, etc.  I ask when and she says Sept 21st.  It's amazing but that was the only open date in that time frame.

So I grab the Lindy's magazine and show her why that date was miraculously open. ..... See Peyton Manning (Sr year) vs Danny Weurfel in Neyland Stadium....on Sept 21st, 1996.  .....sigh....

Several family members begrudgingly sold their tickets (made good $$$ at least) and we have wedding photos of people in the background with little TV's and head phones.

Yes, I was roasted for not saying "no" but at least the Vols lost, so that removed some sting.