TrueBlue72 0 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49, 09 minutes west longitude." She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger Al 0 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Thanks, TrueBlue!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKW 86 7,447 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 If I could only use that as a signature... TrueBlue that was perfect. You should have added that the balloonist really wanted was for the boat man to take where she wanted to go. Stay with her during the meeting and maintain her balloon operational as well. He should perform all this for her for free. Along the way she would have complained that he should give her a boat like his for free. That he should have supplied her with a meal, toilet facilities, etc. That he should do all this for free. She would also protest with him about messing up the environment even though she was also enjoying the boat ride as well. That if he fished he was surely causing damage to the welfare of the fish and must be endangering the existence of some rare endangered species of fishthat no one ever heard of or cared about. He would have to be regulated by a new agency with fish licenses and taxes on the value of the boat and anything he caught would also have to be taxed. The woman would recieve kickbacks from those that worked in the new agency. She would also demand an environmental impact study be done on the use of his boat. The study would have to be done by her lawyer friend that would overcharge everyone involved, be performed by some clueless professor that would also have to be overpaid. She would then recieve kickbacks for all their work. Labor considerations would also have to be made. There would have to be regulations concerning the licensing and safe operation of the boat. The design of the boat would have to be government mandated and there would also have to be congressional hearings to establish the best boat design. The price of the man's boat would triple to quadruple in price due to new safety features such as an airbag, bumpers front and rear, polution controls would also have to be written by some lawyers and academicians that would also have to be overpaid. They too will provide kickbacks to the woman. The man would then be forced hire more workers and they would be forced to join a union. They would be charged great sums of money to get slightly better wages and slightly better health insurance and have to pay for the staff who negotiates contracts with operators and actually do work for 6 months every three years. They would have to give money to the unions who then pay kickbacks to the woman. New safety standards for laborers on the boat would then be next. There would have to be work safety standards meetings. New guidelines and rules drawn up by the same lawyers and academicians involved, overpaid, and kicking back to the woman as usual. Then there would have to be new inspectors and a new agancy and the workers there would have to be overpaid as well and they would then kickback to the woman as well. The price of the fish and boat rides will triple and all will complain and have to pay the taxes for the fish and the boatrides. These will continuously increase till no one can afford to use the fish or the boat. Etc. etc. etc. A new fisherman will come from a foreign country. He will do the work for half price and run the man out of business. The workers will lose their jobs. The new man will give kickbacks to the woman and she will be happy, but will give speech after speech on how it was the original boat owners fault. Everyone else will be a victim of the original boat owner. Finally the guys gives up goes home and refuses to bust his butt anymore. The woman then decides it is time for everyone else to pay taxes to support the man that she ran out of business. The woman would now be quite wealthy and hasnt produced a single thing in her life other than grief for everyone else. She will then write a book about how great life was when she had a balloon and it will sell a few hundred thousand copies. She will get a huge advance from the publisher who has just been bought by the foreign boat owner. And there you have the Democratic version of Nirvana. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger Al 0 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Blah, blah, blah, blah and...blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger in Spain 0 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 A man bellies up to a bar muttering,"***hole democrats". A guy next to him says, "Hey I take offense to that". The man says, "Why, are you a democrat". "No", the guy says. "I'm an ***hole". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigermike 3,058 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 A man bellies up to a bar muttering,"***hole democrats".A guy next to him says, "Hey I take offense to that". The man says, "Why, are you a democrat". "No", the guy says. "I'm an ***hole". That one works for bammers as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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