Man, I feel like a woman

[GalensGhost 0]

Kirby vacuum salesmen invaded the home yesterday while I was out of town. They arrived about 3 p.m. and after a relentless three hours had the wife and kids broken down and convinced we could not live without this machine.

I got home and started telling them to get out at $1500 and 8 p.m. At 9:30 the thing was still sitting in my floor and my wife was asking for a private conference with me to explain why she thought she needed it. Jeez, it's a vacuum. My seven year old was explaining dust mites and why she would no longer sleep in her bed unless there was a Kirby nearby.

I ended up giving these guys $800 at nearly 10 p.m. partially to make them leave and partially because I gave in to the terroristic threats that had my family on edge. MITES! FILTH! ALLERGIES! I woke up this morning awash in shame. Two questions:

1) Anybody else have one of these things and are they truly worth a crap or did I get completely bamboozled?

2) Why do I feel like I just did an extended scene on the great HBO series Oz?

[WinCrimson 61]

The next thing you're going to disclose....

"Here's the kicker, I don't even have carpet on my floors."

[GalensGhost 0]

The next thing you're going to disclose....

"Here's the kicker, I don't even have carpet on my floors."

And I reply in shame.... I don't have all that much.

But they amazed my wife with a display of buffing and waxing the hardwood floors with this thing. She claims that alone will save us $2000 (which is, in fact, the last estimate I got for doing the floors, but I have no illusion that this vacuum will do an acceptable job).

[saniflush 0]

here is another example of the primary difference between (hear me Jenny) most men and women. Most men will find great pleasure in treating these kind of folks like red headed step children. Most women feel sorry for these in your face sales tactics.

Could I interest you and your wife in a free trip that will have a short program concerning all the benefits of time shares?

[Guest Tigrinum Major]

Can I come to your house and give you a Quixtar presentation?

[Jenny AU-92 0]

Most women feel sorry for these in your face sales tactics.

Maybe some women, but there is a Culligan man somewhere in Houston that still has the sound of my incredulous, mocking laughter ringing in his ears after he WOULD NOT TAKE THE FREAKING HINT TO LEAVE BECAUSE I WAS NOT PAYING $4000 FOR A WATER SOFTENING SYSTEM AND I DON'T CARE IF OUR HARD WATER PLUGS UP EVERY PIPE IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We really do have hard water - really bad, like gravel in the filters bad - but we already knew this and all we wanted was a price. He made us sit thru HIS ENTIRE 2.5 HOUR PITCH before he gave us the price, even tho I kept saying "LOOK, just cut to the chase!!" He did every stupid demo you can imagine to show how bad our water was... well, no ****, Sherlock, we knew it was bad or else we would not have called you!!!

So he got mocked and kicked out of my house without even so much as a "We'll think about it..." He never even called us to follow up.

[GalensGhost 0]

Can I come to your house and give you a Quixtar presentation?

Nobody else is allowed in my house. Nobody. I don't want your time shares, I don't want your Pixar. If the girl scouts come selling cookies I'm hitting them with the water hose.

I was about as rude as I know how to be to these guys at the beginning. But they were smarter than me. They initially attacked while I was not home and won over the wife and kids. They knew that if they could just wait me out and keep showing features the family would do their job for them. My seven-year old drew one of them a picture before they left. They talked Grey's Anatomy with my 16-year old. By the time I arrived on the scene, I was rendered virtually powerless. It wasn't "if" we buy it, it was really just a matter of how tired I got of negotiating price.

I am going shopping for a dress today.

[Jenny AU-92 0]

I am going shopping for a dress today.

Better get some big girl panties to go with it.

[TitanTiger 21,665]

Just to twist the knife a little more...

Consumer Reports had the Kirby as it's 6th best model out of the 20+ they tested. A $300 Kenmore was the top rated model. That was on upright models. If Kirby makes a canister vac, it didn't make the list.

The vacuum we bought a couple of years ago, a Eureka Boss with a HEPA filter was 4th on the list. Cost: $150.

[saniflush 0]

You can still call the bank and cancel the check. They love when people do that!

[GalensGhost 0]

Just to twist the knife a little more...

Consumer Reports had the Kirby as it's 6th best model out of the 20+ they tested. A $300 Kenmore was the top rated model. That was on upright models. If Kirby makes a canister vac, it didn't make the list.

Well piss. I had a Kenmore and it was a box of chode. I bought a Dyson two years ago for a couple hundred and have been okay pleased with it.

I honestly woke up this morning suffused with shame. I can't believe I actually did this.

You know, for $800 this thing ought to suck more than dirt..... hmmmmm.......

You can stioll call the back and cancel the check. They love when people do that!

Oh, no, she whipped out the credit card to pay for it.

[saniflush 0]

Oh, no, she whipped out the credit card to pay for it.

Damn.....Wait a minute. Is there a contract that went with it? If I am not mistaken isn't there some 72 hour return law that involve contracts? Some of the ambulance chasers wanna chime in on this?

[otterinbham 0]

My wife inherited her grandmother's Kirby. Her entire family had bought into the mythology that Kirby Vacuum Cleaners represented an exponential leap in technology, blah blah blah....so we shelved the old Kenmore I had had since before we were married.

The piece of crap never could pick up dirt. I finally gave it away to Hannah Home and got my good old Kenmore back out of the basement. It still works like a charm.

If I were you, I'd reclaim your manhood. Cancel the order, and stop payment on the check. You have legal recourse to do so.

Kirby. The Global Warming of Vacuum Cleaners.

[Guest Tigrinum Major]

Don't credit cards have some type of fradulent charge protection?

You were clearly temporarily insane last night.

I can't believe that you allowed your lovelly bride to talk you into this.

[GalensGhost 0]

Oh, no, she whipped out the credit card to pay for it.

Damn.....Wait a minute. Is there a contract that went with it? If I am not mistaken isn't there some 72 hour return law that involve contracts? Some of the ambulance chasers wanna chime in on this?

I did some research this morning. I have three days to return it for a full refund. But I can bet it's going to be a brawl to get it.

It's a fight worth taking.

[Guest Tigrinum Major]

Please keep us informed of the outcome. This just might get me through the next four days of the offseason.

[saniflush 0]

Yea me thinks this has the potential for forum entertainment for at least the middle of next week.

[GalensGhost 0]

Please keep us informed of the outcome. This just might get me through the next four days of the offseason.

Oh, I know you guys don't really care about my personal life. I was just hoping there was another patsy on here who might confess to having done something similarly pathetic. Then at least I'd know I wasn't alone.

I called my wife at work and told her I was boxing this piece of crap up and getting them to come back and get it and she was apparently still enthralled with their pitch. So now if I DO send it back she's going to be pissed. A pissed off wife is no way to go through life. I've tried that and it doesn't work. If I keep it, it will stand here as a gleaming silver monument to my shame and loss of dignity.

[SupperClub 0]

Is a pissed off wife worth more or less than $800? I know my answer to that one, and it would be in the box going back to the Kirby folks.

Then again, my wife tends to let most things go easily, especially if I bring her chocolates or some similar bribe to get her mind off of whatever it is I'm trying to get out of.

[saniflush 0]

Then again, my wife tends to let most things go easily, especially if I bring her chocolates or some similar bribe to get her mind off of whatever it is I'm trying to get out of.

Ahha. The switcheroo on the boxes to get the box. Smeagol likes.

[AUChizad 0]

I had a Kenmore and it was a box of chode.

That would go well with a bag of d***s.

[otterinbham 0]

It's the principle of the cotton picking thing.

About ten years ago, we needed new bedroom furniture. We both knew it. At the same time, we didn't have the scratch to get anything of quality.

So we go shopping anyway, because the furniture store was on the way. We look, and Maria says, "Oh, that's beautiful. That's what I would want." I agree.

Two days later, I get a call from her. "Go to Blahblahblah furniture, and sign this financing agreement."

"What?"

"Go sign this financing agreement."

"What financing agreement?"

"We're buying new bedroom furniture."

The end result? It could have been really ugly. I simply told her that no, we had not agreed to this purchase and that I wasn't going to meekly sign some financing agreement out of principle. If she would like to buy the bed room furniture, she would have to approach me like an adult, and we would reach an agreement.

So I dragged my feet for six months, just to make my point. Then we bought the bedroom furniture. Now, she at least pretends to give me a say so.

[Jenny AU-92 0]

Please keep us informed of the outcome. This just might get me through the next four days of the offseason.

Oh, I know you guys don't really care about my personal life. I was just hoping there was another patsy on here who might confess to having done something similarly pathetic. Then at least I'd know I wasn't alone.

I called my wife at work and told her I was boxing this piece of crap up and getting them to come back and get it and she was apparently still enthralled with their pitch. So now if I DO send it back she's going to be pissed. A pissed off wife is no way to go through life. I've tried that and it doesn't work. If I keep it, it will stand here as a gleaming silver monument to my shame and loss of dignity.

Have a...well. for lack of a better term.. a suck-off. Throw some dirt on the floor, you take the Dyson and let her take the Kirby and may the best machine win. Agree before you start that if the Dyson outperforms the Kirby, she shuts up and the piece of crap goes back. If the Kirby wins, you shut up and take it like the pansy boy you are.

[CCTAU 3,677]

They are not bad machines. And they cn do many things. My mom bought one years ago and the thing worked great. Problem is, we NEVER used more than 2 attachments. The rest are STILL in her basement collecting dust. IF you use it for half the things they advertise, you might be satisfied. For $800 you could have bought some pretty good hardwood floors and installed them yourself. Then the BROOM (which we discussed in another thread, Jenny) would be all that was needed.

We have figured out over time that the Oreck, or something similar, works just fine. The heavier it is, the less ANYBODY wants to use it, self-propelled or not.

[GalensGhost 0]

They are not bad machines. And they cn do many things. My mom bought one years ago and the thing worked great. Problem is, we NEVER used more than 2 attachments. The rest are STILL in her basement collecting dust. IF you use it for half the things they advertise, you might be satisfied. For $800 you could have bought some pretty good hardwood floors and installed them yourself. Then the BROOM (which we discussed in another thread, Jenny) would be all that was needed.

We have figured out over time that the Oreck, or something similar, works just fine. The heavier it is, the less ANYBODY wants to use it, self-propelled or not.

We've already got hardwood in the living room. Big room. 25x35 or something like that. Big enough that I've got two full living room sets, five tables, a rocker, a magazine stand, a piano and a wardrobe in it and it's not crowded. Nice pegged hardwood floors that are in need of a some buffing/waxing or something. Like I said, I don't have any illusion, however, that this machine will be able to do anything of consequence to the floors and I will STILL pay a couple of thousand to get somebody to come fix them up.