Presidential candidates and college football

[WinCrimson 61]

I was thinking about the upcoming season and Presidential race when it occurred to me that the two are more similar than different.

Southern Cal: Hillary Clinton - The alpha and the omega of politics and college football. While they're certainly both dominant in their respective fields, they're also hated by many and seem to constantly be surrounded by controversy. Since Clinton is the odds on favorite to win the Presidency in 2008, and USC is being picked to take home the crystal ball in 2007, there's no better fit.

Notre Dame: John McCain - What used to be the flagship program for the nation has now faded into the abyss of irrelevance. Sugar Bowl this. Sugar Bowl that. Blah blah blah. The fact of the matter is that the once mighty Irish have been drubbed in nine straight bowl games, and in a fashion that only John McCain can understand. Started out as the favorite and wound up in the back of the pack. (Also, Dennis Kucinich wins the election for Notre Cain's leprachaun mascot. This is not, and I repeat NOT, up for debate.)

Georgia: Barack Obama - "If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery don't never change." There could be no truer statement in describing the Georgia Bulldogs and the Obama campaign. UGA can never get past Florida (Hillary's alternate role when Bill is out on the town and spittin' mad game), and it doesn't appear that Barack Obama will be able to knock off his rival, either. And while neither of them are champions, they do perform well and are likable folks. If only Mark Richt had purple lips like his Presidential sidekick. I guess that's where the similarity ends on this one.

Alabama: Fred Thompson - Like the Tide, Fred Thompson is hanging back, waiting for the riff raff to die off before making an impressive leap to the top in one fell swoop. Although, at this point, all of this is pure speculation and wishful thinking by both Thompson supporters and 'Bama fans. Moving on, the guy hails from Sheffield and appears to be a tough, hard nosed, salt of the earth country boy who happened to make noise on the national scene. There was some 'ol guy from Morro Bottom, Arkansas that did this once. His name escapes me, though.

Boise State: John Edwards - Though you can't legitimately expect consistent success out of Edwards or the Broncos, both have had their days in the sun and come with success stories. Edwards came from humble beginnings, working long hours in mills before a successful law career and term in the U.S. Senate. BSU, on the other hand, came from freezing a** cold Idaho and a field made of blue turf. The trick plays against Oklahoma and the marriage proposal that followed compliment Edwards' lifelong trek from the outhouse to the penthouse.

Utah or Brigham Young: Mitt Romney - Well, duh. This candidate refuses to play for any other school and demands that he marry every member of the cheerleading squad.

Ole Miss: Mike Gravel - Loon. YAW YAW YAW, MIKE GRAVEL! As rambunctious and out of control as the former Alaska Senator may sound during Presidential debates, he doesn't hold a candle to that babbling imp, Ed Orgeron, the "coach" of the Ole Miss Rebels. Like the puny Rebs, Gravel is a cellar dweller and more of a pretender than contender. However, when Archie Cooper Peyton Eli Mike Gravel's son arrives on the scene, OM might be able to contend for another co-division championship. Hoist it high!

As for Rudy Giuliani, Tom Tancredo, Joe Biden, Duncan Hunter, Bill Richardson, Chris Dodd, Ron Paul, and others? Well, they're baseball guys.

[otterinbham 0]

Actually, I think Fred Thompson is more like an empty suit, devoid of substance. A throwback that the GOP Old Guard has brought forward in a fit of nostalgia, hoping against hope.

Hmmm...maybe Fred Thompson is Alabama after all.

[Guest Tigrinum Major]

I wish I could get that 2 minutes back that I wasted by starting to read that s***.

[WinCrimson 61]

I wish I could get that 2 minutes back that I wasted by starting to read that s***.

It took you 2 minutes when you say that you didn't even finish?

You obviously have poor reading skills.

[AUJarhead 72]

Notre Dame Alabama: John McCain - What used to be the flagship program for the nation has now faded into the abyss of irrelevance. Sugar Bowl this. Sugar Bowl that. Blah blah blah. The fact of the matter is that the once mighty Irish Tide have been drubbed in nine five straight Iron bowl games, and in a fashion that only John McCain can understand. Started out as the favorite and wound up in the back of the pack. (Also, Dennis Kucinich Nick Saban wins the election for Notre Cain's leprachaun mascot. This is not, and I repeat NOT, up for debate. Sorry, can't change that)

Fixed it for you.