woods1110 0 Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 GOOD, BETTER & BEST GOOD: A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!) BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post. A $40 speeding ticket was included Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs. BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Police Ball." He replied, "State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car. -------------------------------------------------------------- This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said......... (You'll love this) FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out, but had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetary. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves, and she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands phoned theother husband and said "These darn girl nights have to stop. My wife came home with no panties" "That's nothing" said the other husband "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her a** that said 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We will never forget you!'." Have a good Friday everyone!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCTAU 3,350 Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 "That's nothing" said the other husband"Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her a** that said 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We will never forget you!'." THANKS!!! For the memories....... Think she had been ringing bell number four??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrueTiger 0 Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 Those are great... Put me in a better mood. WARRR EAGLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKW 86 7,448 Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 You are a bus driver. You start your route. At the first stop 10 get on. At the second stop 8 get on and 5 get off. At the third stop 11 get off and 6 get on. At the 4th stop 9 get off and 5 get on. At the last stop, half get off and the rest leave. What color are the bus drivers eyes? You are the bus driver. There is a 500 pound rock at the top of a 400 foot hill. The angle of the hill is 45 degrees. assume no friction on hill. At the bottom of the hill there is a 500 ft peir. Assume a mu factor of .33. At the end of the peir is a grey boat. The boat is 30 feet long, approximately 8 feet wide. Assume it displaces 1 foot of water. The rock is released from the top of the hill, rolls the length of the pier and hits the boat. What color is the boat? Grey A train leaves NY going 100mph. A train leaves LA 3 hours later traveling 200mph. Assume 2000 miles between NY and LA. Which train is nearest NY when they pass? They both are equidistant when they meet, at the same place. How many animals of both genders were carried on Noah's Ark? All of them. If a hen lays 8 eggs in 7 days, how many can a rooster lay in 16? Roosters dont lay eggs. If an electric train is going 35mph in a Southeasterly direction, and the wind is blowing 35mph in a Northwesterly direction which way is the smoke blowing? It's an electric train, they dont smoke. Why cant they perform a Live Nativity in Tuscaloosa? No Three Wisemen, nor any Virgins. What is the first thing a UAT coed does in the morning? Wakes up and walks home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big dude 0 Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 The bus drivers eyes are hazel. The boat is grey. You got me on that one, but I know there's a catch somewhere. One. Roosters don't lay eggs. They're male. UP!!! The couldn't find a virgin to play Mary. Put on her pants and pick the money up off the dresser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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