Charlie Sheen , Tom Cruise, Spike Lee & Sting

[Tigermike 3,051]

He's a right Charlie

Mr Sheen is the latest celebrity to confuse fact and fiction

Marina Hyde

Saturday March 25, 2006

The Guardian

Pay attention, civilians. Actor Charlie Sheen has been focusing his mind on the official explanation for 9/11. And you know what? He's not buying it. "It just didn't look like any commercial jetliner I've flown on any time in my life," the Hotshots Part Deux star told a US radio station this week, "and then when the buildings came down later on that day, I said to my brother 'call me insane', but did it sorta look like those buildings came down in a controlled demolition?"

You're insane. Next.

"It seems to me like 19 amateurs with box cutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75% of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory."

But it is George Bush's assertion that he saw the first plane hit the north tower of the World Trade Centre before any footage of it had been released that tells Charlie he's on to something. "I guess one of the perks of being president is that you get access to TV channels that don't exist in the known universe," he continued in a manner which in no way suggests he once had a monstrous coke problem. "It might lead you to believe that he'd seen similar images in some type of rehearsal as it were, I don't know."

Mmm. For many celebrities, conspiracy theories are the VIP rooms of history. Sure, you'll have your Earl Warrens and your senate investigations patrolling the velvet rope, but if you know the right people, and have access to enormous quantities of self-regard, you can get through to the inner sanctum where they tell you It's All A Big Lie.

Frankly, with dentistry as expensive as yours, you simply can't afford to let The Man stamp his jackboot down on your face, and so it is that when faced with the inquiry "did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone?", you find yourself thinking: "God, I mean ... do any of us? Like, he had to have people, you know? At least an agent and a publicist."

Anyway, back to Charlie. "It feels like from the people I talk to in and around my circles," he blathers on, "it seems like the worm is turning."

It's hard to be sure who's in his circles, but you'd have to think there'd be a seat in the Sheen kitchen cabinet for Spike Lee, who last year told CNN he suspected the Bush administration had blown up the levees in New Orleans.

"Remember the film Chinatown?" he began promisingly, "where they flooded the LA basin ... I believe that it's not too far-fetched to think that, look, we got a bunch of poor black people here. We got to save these other neighbourhoods. What we got to do, dump this in this ward, boom. I believe it. I don't put anything past the US government."

Also taking a position round the table comes this column's beloved Tom Cruise, who famously dismisses psychiatry as a big conspiracy. Which is a little like a dehydrated man claiming water is a conspiracy. And completing the quartet is Michael Jackson, who not only claims all his recent legal bother was a vast plot against him, but was taped espousing the oldest conspiracy of all: it's the Jews! And they're targeting people in the, um, entertainment industry. "They [the Jews] suck them like leeches," he whined in a telephone call played to a courtroom last year. "I'm so tired of it. They start out the most popular person in the world, make a lot of money, big house, cars and everything and end up penniless. It's a conspiracy. The Jews do it on purpose."

Michael? You're wanted back on Planet Earth. Well, in a way.

So lonely? He must be

Ever since he cemented his eco-warrior credentials by advertising a huge gas-guzzling Jaguar, the world has wondered: what's the next inspired idea Sting's going to have? The wait is over. He's opening a lapdancing club.

God knows there are times we've all thought, "Sod the rainforest: let's go to Spearmint Rhino," but few of us have been committed enough to raise the money to stick in the bank's knickers and open one up.

Happily, Sting is all set to do just that by bringing a branch of the Forty Deuce chain of strip clubs to Manhattan, where the local press reports he is famous for insisting lapdancers keep their clothes on while performing for him. Which is not at all the sort of preposterous affectation you'd expect from the old boy.

Of course, it wasn't long ago that Sting was publicly berating Middle East leaders for failing to heed the message in his song Desert Rose, so it'll be nice to have a ready-made entertainment emporium to whisk delegations off to after any summits he's planning.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,1739206,00.html

[quietfan 233]

Well, no one ever said talent in the entertainment field equated to intelligence. Of course all of these celebrities look pretty stupid. In Charlie's case, I like to think that at least he had a hell of a good time destroying brain cells during his Heidi Fleiss/substance abuse days of excess.

But he is right about one thing:

"It seems to me like 19 amateurs with box cutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75% of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory."

Yes, Charlie, it was a conspiracy: Consisting of the 19 on the planes, apparently Zacarius Moussaoui, and who knows how many other Al Qaida plotters and leaders. When more than one person is involved in doing something, that is by definition a "conspiracy". Duh..

[DKW 86 7,440]

Just when you think dumb cant get dumber it does....amazing!