My Favorite Team Rundown So Far This Year

[DKW 86 7,429]

http://www.wagercom.com/ncaa-college-football-picks.html

1. OHIO STATE- Is this the year that the Buckeyes stop boring the **** out of me? I doubt it, but they do win. Just can’t see them winning a title replacing an entire defense. But they get to start the year at #1 so yeah team.

2. USC- Lots of talent and depth. Defense should be better after ending last year looking like they were employed by Vince Young as bodyguards. Notably getting rid of safeties Bing and Ware should help. Those two had the ball skills of a blind, deaf, slightly retarded Bangkok hooker (though if you ever have the means they’re worth a shot for the story if nothing else). If Booty can be the first QB in his family not to suck, Chauncey Washington can learn to read, and if Petey C can’t keep his boys from spending time in the pokey for “youthful indiscretions” there’s no reason they don’t have a shot at another title.

3. NOTRE DAME- How do you know ND is officially back? Mostly because Irish fans won’t shut the hell up for more than about a second. Opposing fans can and do make fun at the fact that Weiss is a tub o’ lard blessed with a face that might make his own mother gouge out her eyes. However, he is the best offensive mind in football, at any level. Based on that alone I might let him touch me where my bathing suit covers.

4. WEST VIRGINIA- Putting aside the lack of teeth and sister marrying, West Virginia is a heartbeat away from Heaven. Okay maybe not, but they do have a good football team. Whenever anybody thinks they will do well they always flop, so I’m not holding my breath. I realize disparaging comments like these mean I will have to avoid visiting West Virginia and mingling with their fans for the entire year, aw well c’est la vie.

5. TEXAS- Since Mack Brown won multiple big games last year it’s safe to say we have entered the End Of Days. Everybody needs to get right with Jesus and quick.

6. LSU- Sick freaky athletes and a QB who’s throwing motion resembles a catapult and roughly as accurate (for those not in the know catapults are not very accurate) get you to a good bowl but no title.

7. CAL- There’s nothing funny about Tedford having that much talent on offense. It’s kind of like finding a handwritten note from Michael Jackson to your child, scary and more than a little disconcerting. With a little luck they could knock off SC, and find themselves in a BCS bowl. Of course none of this changes the fact that they are all a bunch of America hating, pot smoking, hippy pole smokers.

8. MIAMI- Who took the O out of Miami? Funny part is you could seriously confuse some of the crack student athletes at UM with that dilly-of-a-pickle. Favorite off season story was definitely the Cane who got shot in the ass. That’s good stuff, but even better was that his teammate returned fire. Now that’s Canes football! The team plays together invades together. It’s gotta hurt that they are now the USC of the east coast.

9. AUBURN- They are like the Paris Hilton of college football, a lot of press and I’m supposed to watch but I just can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass. Side note: The Paris sex tape is an exception to the above rule. Just to be clear though I’m definitely not interested in the Auburn team’s sex tape. Seriously that’s just sick.

10. FLORIDA- Urban Meyer said he won’t use a tailback if he can’t find one who can do the job. He’s serious; he would totally do it, no tailback, God that makes me hard.

11. LOUISVILLE- They are very good I just have trouble getting excited about anything in Louisville. Maybe if their cheerleaders were caught doing something illicit and hedonistic we could find some common ground. Just a suggestion, no pressure, but please remember a picture can sometimes speak more eloquently than any book.

12. TENNESSEE- If Ainge has grown a brain in the last several months then they have some hope. I’m very impressed with the lack of arrests this year (or possibly the proliferation of coverups.). Either way no convictions so I’m excited for them. Erstwhile Miami LB and felon Willie Williams apparently tried to join the squad but was turned down. What in God’s name have you done if the Vols won’t take you, they would give Stalin a scholie if he ran a 4.4.

13. FLORIDA STATE- I keep hoping Bobby Bowden wakes up and realizes that FSU is going down the toilet. Bobby does the name Nero mean anything to you?

14. MICHIGAN- The Wolverines, the team that invented then perfected upper level mediocrity. We’re good but don’t be scared we’re not that good. Another fatally flawed Michigan team with the same fatally flawed schmuck of a coach. Upside, they still have very cool helmets.

15. GEORGIA- At least this year they don’t have to worry about blowing a shot at the National Championship, which must be quiet a relief.

16. VIRGINIA TECH- Beamer is the best badly burned coach in the bussiness. They’re not a real threat, but as long as they are called The Hokies (i.e a large and not particularly dangerous turkey) they will always have a spot in my top 25.

17. CLEMSON- We danced this dance before. I think they might be good, hey they are pretty good, damn these guys can ball, oh never mind, my bad, they still suck.

18. IOWA- I tried to find a famous quote about Iowa. Other than a line from Kevin Costner in field of Dreams (and no it doesn’t count) there was nothing. I’m starting to believe that nothing has ever happened in Iowa and probably never will.

19. OREGON- The Ducks will once again be the worst dressed team in the country. It’s almost like Phil Knight and some of his drunken Nike buddies keep playing a fraternity prank on their alma mater. “There’s no way they’ll actually wear that crap will they…?”

20. PENN STATE- Proving to us all that just because you wear adult diapers doesn’t mean you can’t play in a BCS bowl game. Kudos Joe Pa.

21. ALABAMA- Hawaii, Duke, La Monroe, Florida International. Wow not afraid to step up and play the big boys there are they? They are in the top 25 only because a braindead, paraplegic, disease infested crack whore with a stutter could coach Bama to wins in those games.

22. OKLAHOMA- A booster paying big time college players ridiculous amounts of money for work they didn’t do? What kind of a world do we live in? Next you’ll tell me Mel Gibson is an alcoholic anti-Semitic douche bag. Christ I thought these kids were there to get an education. The horror!

23. ARIZONA STATE- With two great QBs, whoops make that one great QB they will definitely put up a lot of points. The real question is whether the Sun Devil’s defense can get over what appears to be a terminal case of vaginitis.

24. UCLA- They had no defense and now they have no offense as well, right? Probably, but for some reason they have hope and I refuse to be the guy to extinguish it. It would be like kicking a kitten.

25. NORTHWESTERN- This should be a tribute ranking for the untimely death of Coach Randy Walker, but more really it’s because I’m doing the unholiest of unholies to a lovely young lady who went there. So just remember if you’re at a school with a poor football team, have loose morals, and are extremely flexible a top 25 ranking is just a shameful memory away.

[tigerfan1234 0]

The guy doesn't give a rat's *** about Auburn. That's fine, people will be paying attention come January.

[bigsixfive 327]

The guy doesn't give a rat's *** about Auburn. That's fine, people will be paying attention come January.

He slams 22/25 teams, don't take it personal.

[AUslug 1]

I love the line about USC's qb Booty.

[wardamneagle 0]

Now this is some funny stuff.

http://www.wagercom.com/ncaa-college-football-picks.html

[AUChizad 0]

9. AUBURN- They are like the Paris Hilton of college football, a lot of press and I’m supposed to watch but I just can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass. Side note: The Paris sex tape is an exception to the above rule. Just to be clear though I’m definitely not interested in the Auburn team’s sex tape. Seriously that’s just sick.

[vatz22au 142]

21. ALABAMA- Hawaii, Duke, La Monroe, Florida International... Wow. Not afraid to step up and play the big boys, are they? They are in the top 25 only because a brain dead, paraplegic, disease-infested crack whore with a stutter could coach Bama to wins in those games.

[otterinbham 0]

"21. ALABAMA- Hawaii, Duke, La Monroe, Florida International... Wow. Not afraid to step up and play the big boys, are they? They are in the top 25 only because a brain dead, paraplegic, disease-infested crack whore with a stutter could coach Bama to wins in those games."

http://www.wagercom.com/ncaa-college-football-picks.html

[WinCrimson 61]

"9. AUBURN- They are like the Paris Hilton of college football; a lot of press, I’m supposed to watch and I just can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass.*

*Side note: The Paris sex tape is an exception to the above rule. Just to be clear though I’m definitely not interested in the Auburn team’s sex tape. Seriously that’s just sick."

[johnwegl 11]

both very funny

[otterinbham 0]

"9. AUBURN- They are like the Paris Hilton of college football; a lot of press, I’m supposed to watch and I just can’t bring myself to give a rat’s ass.*

*Side note: The Paris sex tape is an exception to the above rule. Just to be clear though I’m definitely not interested in the Auburn team’s sex tape. Seriously that’s just sick."

Yeah, but at least he says Auburn doesn't suck.

[WinCrimson 61]

My post wasn't a jab at AU at all. I was just posting what he wrote about you guys.

Oh, and he never said we sucked either.

[vatz22au 142]

My post wasn't a jab at AU at all. I was just posting what he wrote about you guys.

Oh, and he never said we sucked either.

21... compared to 9? Ok... you guys dont suck.. your just mediocre.

Does that take care of it?

[WinCrimson 61]

My post wasn't a jab at AU at all. I was just posting what he wrote about you guys.

Oh, and he never said we sucked either.

21... compared to 9? Ok... you guys dont suck.. your just mediocre.

Does that take care of it?

#21 isn't necessarily "mediocre." It's not where we want to be... but too bad it's a freaking preseason poll.

[AWK 0]

Please keep the smack talk in the woodshed. Puh-Leaseeeeee!

[vatz22au 142]

My post wasn't a jab at AU at all. I was just posting what he wrote about you guys.

Oh, and he never said we sucked either.

21... compared to 9? Ok... you guys dont suck.. your just mediocre.

Does that take care of it?

#21 isn't necessarily "mediocre." It's not where we want to be... but too bad it's a freaking preseason poll.

True. Too bad aint it. Hype and respect is what you earn over current years. I guess Alabama has struggled the past 2 out of 3 years in that dept.?

[WinCrimson 61]

Please keep the smack talk in the woodshed. Puh-Leaseeeeee!

How am I talking smack?

And as for the hype and respect deal... I can see how many are picking us in the middle of the pack. We lost a lot last season on D, lost Croyle, Prothro won't be playing, and we'll be breaking in a new QB. I'm not saying that all of this isn't justified... just that I think we'll be a solid team this year. Somewhere around a #15 final ranking sounds about right. Trust me, we don't suck.

[vatz22au 142]

Please keep the smack talk in the woodshed. Puh-Leaseeeeee!

How am I talking smack?

And as for the hype and respect deal... I can see how many are picking us in the middle of the pack. We lost a lot last season on D, lost Croyle, Prothro won't be playing, and we'll be breaking in a new QB. I'm not saying that all of this isn't justified... just that I think we'll be a solid team this year. Somewhere around a #15 final ranking sounds about right. Trust me, we don't suck.

Ok, I might agree with that. I say Bama finishes in the top 25 due to some lousy out of conf. games. Dont expect to see your defense in the top 5 this year though. Look at the stats. Shula's first year with an in-experienced defense? # 46 in the nation ring a bell??

Kines thrives on experience. Look at the last 2 years. That experience is lost. Yes, you guys will probably win 8 games. Probably no more, no less.

[stoic-one 1,547]

Please keep the smack talk in the woodshed. Puh-Leaseeeeee!

How am I talking smack?

And as for the hype and respect deal... I can see how many are picking us in the middle of the pack. We lost a lot last season on D, lost Croyle, Prothro won't be playing, and we'll be breaking in a new QB. I'm not saying that all of this isn't justified... just that I think we'll be a solid team this year. Somewhere around a #15 final ranking sounds about right. Trust me, we don't suck.

I think he may not have just been directing that at you...

[WinCrimson 61]

Please keep the smack talk in the woodshed. Puh-Leaseeeeee!

How am I talking smack?

And as for the hype and respect deal... I can see how many are picking us in the middle of the pack. We lost a lot last season on D, lost Croyle, Prothro won't be playing, and we'll be breaking in a new QB. I'm not saying that all of this isn't justified... just that I think we'll be a solid team this year. Somewhere around a #15 final ranking sounds about right. Trust me, we don't suck.

Ok, I might agree with that. I say Bama finishes in the top 25 due to some lousy out of conf. games. Dont expect to see your defense in the top 5 this year though. Look at the stats. Shula's first year with an in-experienced defense? # 46 in the nation ring a bell??

Kines thrives on experience. Look at the last 2 years. That experience is lost. Yes, you guys will probably win 8 games. Probably no more, no less.

Yeah, 8-9 seems like a good number. And we won't be in the top 5 in defense this year... but we won't be a pushover either. We'll be ready to play on D.