Humor-- for you golfers

[lost 452]

I have worked at a Golf course ( Old Waverly at West Point Ms, one of the best courses(if not the best) in Ms)....  Saw plenty while filling in divots  to keep me amused.   But never played.   Very unusual I know for an individual who played college base ball and one year semi.   We were very poor growing up, so i just never had a desire after i got old enough to afford to.

 

But i found these for those who have AND HAD A Caddy( or was one)

* Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
* Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth"
* Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes... You miss the ball much closer now."
* Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
* Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch — it's a compass."
* Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "It's very good, but personally, I prefer golf."
* Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on" Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

 

[augolf1716 21,109]

2 hours ago, lost said:

I have worked at a Golf course ( Old Waverly at West Point Ms, one of the best courses(if not the best) in Ms)....  Saw plenty while filling in divots  to keep me amused.   But never played.   Very unusual I know for an individual who played college base ball and one year semi.   We were very poor growing up, so i just never had a desire after i got old enough to afford to.

 

But i found these for those who have AND HAD A Caddy( or was one)

* Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
* Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth"
* Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes... You miss the ball much closer now."
* Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
* Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch — it's a compass."
* Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "It's very good, but personally, I prefer golf."
* Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on" Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

 

My favorite of the lot................ I was not a caddy but I actually did say that to one of my playing partners one day. 

[AURex 1,994]

I caddied for my dad for years. He was actually a very good amateur golfer. But he enjoyed playing with an old army buddy of his, and that was different. They both loved their booze, so had bottles on ther bags. They had a wonderful time, but their golf skills deteriorated over time. By the second round, I was not only caddy, I was lookout. Plus -- Ball in the rough -- toss it out in the fairway. Ball in the sand, place it just utside the pit.

Funniest memory

Dad -- Which hole is this?
Me -- 18

Dad's Friend -- Am I on 18 too?
Me -- Yes

Me -- The green is over yonder (pointing).

 

[alexava 6,973]

Guy is on practice green waiting for playing partner. Partner calls to cancel, already late. A very attractive lady also practicing overheard and invited him to play with her. He accepted. She’s a good golfer. Beats him easily. His ego is hurt but there’s chemistry. After 27 holes it was dark, they were the last two cars on the lot. She goes down on him in the car. 
     They met up a few more times over the next few weeks playing until dark. Her winning easy each time and the same service in the dark parking lot. 
     He’s scheduled to take lessons as losing to a girl is breaking his will. But he’s also catching feelings for her. So they set a date without golf.

     He got to her house and she invited him in. She explained that before they continue she had to be honest with him. She was a couple years into surgeries and treatments and almost complete but she was born a man. 
     After burying his head in his hands in obvious anger and shame she apologized and begged him not to be mad. He went ballistic. “ You cheating sunufabich, you’ve been playing from the red tees this whole time!”

[WarTim 3,456]

Named after an old playing partner. “Highfield Rule” You can improve your lie in the rough if you can roughly prove your not lying”...