TexasTiger 12,967 Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004  BorowitzReport Archives CHANGING TERMS OF DEBATE, KERRY CALLS BUSH A LYING COKEHEAD Blow, Snow Dominate New Stump Speech Attempting to change the terms of the debate in the 2004 presidential campaign, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) came out swinging today, asking a Michigan audience, “Do you really want four more years of that lying cokehead?†Saying that a second Bush administration would subject the nation to “four more years of blow and snow,†Mr. Kerry unleashed his most savage attack on the president to date, accusing Mr. Bush of spending the federal surplus on a $40,000-a-day cocaine habit. “Where did the surplus go? I’ll tell you!†thundered Mr. Kerry, who then mimed inhaling a line of cocaine to the delight of the partisan crowd. Mr. Kerry’s decision to accuse Mr. Bush of “snorting foo-foo dust†and “tooting racehorse charlie†seemed to be inspired by the new unauthorized book about the Bush family penned by celebrity biographer Kitty Kelley, who coincidentally was named to the Axis of Evil today. But just minutes after Mr. Kerry accused Mr. Bush of “hitching up the reindeers,†Vice President Dick Cheney returned fire, telling an audience in West Virginia that if Mr. Kerry is elected, the Earth will spin off its axis and collide with the sun. After being told of Mr. Cheney’s latest dire prediction, Mr. Kerry chuckled, “I guess George Bush isn’t the only one in the White House who’s horning the Peruvian lady!†In other campaign news, President Bush told reporters today that he “doubted†that the Texas National Guard memos discovered by CBS last week could be authentic because “I know exactly where the real ones are hidden. Link linked fixed by CT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiger88 934 Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 Well, I hope he can gather up his self esteem after being beaten in a landslide by a "lying cokehead" . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hccobb 0 Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 The fact that the gallup polls are so close and material like this really scare me for the future of America. It just amazes me that so many Americans buy into this obviously transparent drivel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TitanTiger 20,499 Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 It. was. a. joke. Do I need to hold a class around here? Sarcasm & Satire 101? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasTiger 12,967 Posted September 19, 2004 Author Share Posted September 19, 2004 It. was. a. joke. Do I need to hold a class around here? Sarcasm & Satire 101? If this didn't give it away, the class better be for beginners: But just minutes after Mr. Kerry accused Mr. Bush of “hitching up the reindeers,†Vice President Dick Cheney returned fire, telling an audience in West Virginia that if Mr. Kerry is elected, the Earth will spin off its axis and collide with the sun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiger88 934 Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 I want to make it abundantly clear that I realized this was a joke! My statement was a poke at texastiger for having a laugh at GWB's expense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasTiger 12,967 Posted September 19, 2004 Author Share Posted September 19, 2004 I want to make it abundantly clear that I realized this was a joke! My statement was a poke at texastiger for having a laugh at GWB's expense. I think the piece tweaks both campaigns pretty well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hccobb 0 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 It. was. a. joke. Do I need to hold a class around here? Sarcasm & Satire 101? Sorry, I must not have scanned enough before I posted. I'll go back to lurking now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasTiger 12,967 Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 It. was. a. joke. Do I need to hold a class around here? Sarcasm & Satire 101? Sorry, I must not have scanned enough before I posted. I'll go back to lurking now. No problem. Gallup polls concern me about the future of America, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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