MEDITATION XXX

[saniflush 0]

hit the link just for the picture.....

link

Chaste Chad spits back

“Actions are visible, though motives are secret” – Samuel Johnson

I am not paranoid, but it is obvious that everyone in the media is out to get Auburn. Well, perhaps not everyone, I’m sure the Eufaula Tribune, Golf Digest, and that Opelika middle school kid are still on our side, but everyone else hates us.

Don’t believe me? Then explain this. ESPN, who is owned by ABC, who is owned by Disney, who is owned by Satan, has spent the entire season ignoring Auburn, despite its number two ranking. Sure they televised the Tiger’s opener against Washington State, but they showed it on ESPN2, a channel normally reserved for poker and cheerleading. And now, in a veiled attempt to conceal their hidden agenda against the Fighting Soldiers, ESPN will televise another Auburn game, on Thursday night, opposite Grey’s Anatomy. Needless to say, with sparks flying between Meredith and McDreamy, not a soul will be watching when Auburn and South Carolina tee it up in Columbia.

“So what,” you say. “That’s just two networks, a fallen angel and a theme park.” But it doesn’t stop there. Now CBS has joined the ranks of those who wish to urinate in Auburn’s lemonade. Since the arrival of Katie Couric, the network who broadcasts the SEC’s premier match-ups spends most of its time bashing the SEC. Spencer Tillman (Motto: Bringing back Jheri Curl one Saturday at a time) devotes ten minutes a week to telling viewers that Auburn and the rest of the SEC suck. If Tillman said the same thing about Two and a Half Men, CBS would fire him on the spot, but at least he’d be right for once.

It is easy to recognize the arrival of Auburn-hating Katie Couric as the genesis of CBS’s disdain for all things orange and blue, but exactly when ESPN’s hatred began is harder to pinpoint. Some think it occurred during the 1980’s, when Pat Dye allegedly called Lee Corso something that rhymes with “numb ton of a stitch”. Others believe the hatred spawned in the 90’s, when an Auburn sorority girl became the first female on Earth to snub the sexual advances of Kirk Herbstreit. Needless to say, whatever happened left an enormous chasm of hatred between the plains of Auburn, and the seldom referred to geography of Bristol.

Never has ESPN’s hatred of Auburn been more evident than the 2006 season. First College Gameday refused to show up for the Auburn-LSU game, and now people who can interpret tongues tell me Lou Holtz is constantly saying terrible things about the University of Auburn. Holtz, who never coached against Auburn, retired in 2004 to spend more time with his family. However the retirement was short lived, as Holtz immediately took a job at ESPN that requires him to wear a tie and spit on Mark May two hours a week.

So as Auburn fans, what are we to do about this blatant lack of respect from ESPN and the rest of the national media? Should we write angry e-mails, or spread nasty rumors about Lee Corso and Burt Reynolds? Perhaps, but I think nothing would be more affective than a mass boycott of Thursday night's game. So Tiger fans, at 7:00 on Thursday night, I suggest you switch to NBC and watch The Office. I guarantee that you will laugh, and since most experts agree that Steve Spurrier is still about 85 SEC caliber athletes away from being competitive, I promise you won’t miss anything on the Devil's network.

[AUBURNTIGERFAN 0]

That picture is great!!!!

[AU! 0]

That picture is great!!!!

I've just thought of a great game, every time ESPN praises USC/Michigan/Ohio State/Notre Dame you drink.

Every time they say something negative about auburn, you drink.

Every time Lou Holtz spits, you drink.

And if you catch Holtz spitting while talking bad about auburn, you finish your drink on the spot.

That should get you nice and toasty before the games start on saturday.

[AUChizad 0]

That picture is great!!!!

I've just thought of a great game, every time ESPN praises USC/Michigan/Ohio State/Notre Dame you drink.

Every time they say something negative about auburn, you drink.

Every time Lou Holtz spits, you drink.

And if you catch Holtz spitting while talking bad about auburn, you finish your drink on the spot.

That should get you nice and toasty before the games start on saturday.

I'm totally enforcing that at Buffalo Wild Wings.