Kamala's Fighting Camels

[Mikey 16,605]

The Socialists have a football team! Presidential hopeful Kamala Harris has picked the Fighting Camels of Campbell University as their team. The school is somewhat inconveniently located at Buie's Creek, North Carolina. However, that's a propitious choice, since there's an election coming soon and some deem NC to be an important state. In the future the team will be known as Kamala's Camels. Such changes are expensive, but billionaire lefty Michael Bloomberg is footing the bill, so money is no object.

 

The Camels are off to something of a rough start, but it's never over with sore losers. Kamala's Camels are whining about the opening game, a 27-26 loss to Georgia Southern. Never fear, there has been an investigation! There were unfounded rumors that the Russians supplied three illegal super star players to the Camel's opponent. The investigation cost the a bundle, but so what? Even though the claim was found to be a hoax, Camelbackers can now stick their fingers in their ears and shout: “ Kamala's Camels didn't really lose, the Russians helped the opponent cheat!”

 

The Camel's loss in the second game of the season is easier to explain. The 43-21 drubbing at the hands of Coastal Carolina was clearly the fault of crooked referees! The Camels have impeached those refs, but the refs just laughed and said “Who cares?”. Can you imagine such a brazen attitude?

 

The Camel's third game will be against always-tough Appy State. Kamala's lawyers are already hard at work on a lawsuit to prevent the impending blowout at the hands of the the Mountaineers from being entered as the official result. So, no need to worry about that one. “If you can't beat 'em, sue 'em”.

 

Meanwhile, since Kamala herself is following the lead of her temporary front man, Creepy Joe Biden, and making few public appearances, she has taken over the duty of coaching the Kamala's Camels cheerleaders. Her first admonishment to her new team of cheerleaders: “Honey, if you're gonna shake that booty then shake it at the right man. The correct pick here can take you a long way up the ladder. Just look at me!”

 

Be sure to stay tuned, I will keep y'all updated as Kamala's Camels fight their way through another tough season; a season when they really should be undefeated but the other teams always play dirty.

 

(Why yes, it's raining and I can't do much outside right now)

[ArgoEagle 1,788]

She just wants to be their mascot. She was named after camels.

[TitanTiger 20,483]

Way too much work went into that for it to still not be funny.

[Leftfield 2,601]

When I was in sixth grade, one of my teachers mentioned to the class that she had a neighbor who sheltered dogs. One of the dogs had a puppy, whom he had named Shango, a few months before. The neighbor trained Shango and was now looking for a loving family to take him in. I went home that night, talked to my parents, and they agreed that we could get him.

That weekend we went to pick Shango up. Being younger, I was a taken aback to see that when the man who had taken care of him brought him out, he was crying. He loved that dog and put tremendous effort in training and raising him, and was sad to see him go. At that moment I vowed to myself to take good care of Shango and give him a good life.

Shango was a Border Collie/German Shepard mix, so he was extremely intelligent. He had a wonderful disposition and was instantly friendly to anyone, while still being a great watchdog. The Border Collie in him meant he had tons of energy, which was important around my four siblings and me. 

The only hitch we ever found with Shango was that, for some reason, he absolutely hated UPS trucks. We never knew for sure, but we strongly suspected that at one time a driver came to the house to make a delivery, and either out of malice or fear kicked Shango. Nothing else really made sense. Shango could be sitting peacefully in the yard, but as soon as he saw a UPS truck, even if it was way down the street, he would take off after it, barking angrily (which he never did otherwise) the entire time. He never did this with any other vehicle. 

Over 14 years with us, Shango proved to be a fantastic dog. Tons of fun memories were made with him and he was loyal, friendly, and a wonderful companion. When I was back home from Auburn and working during the summer before my fourth year, my dad, little brother and I were working in the front yard, with Shango close by. I hear an engine, look up, and there is a UPS truck pulling up the driveway (my parents had a long, rock driveway at the time). Shango immediately tore off after the truck and began running alongside it, right next to the left-front tire. There was a point in the driveway where you could go straight or turn left. The UPS driver turned, right as Shango happened to be looking away. I watched in horror as Shango went under the wheel. I was surprised to see him jump up and run off, but he was yelping in pain the whole time. Initially I had hope that, since he was able to run, he had escaped serious injury, but after I caught up to him a little ways into the woods and got a good look at him, I knew he was done. His jaw was broken, one of his eyes had gone foggy and was damaged, and he was moving around in obvious pain and confusion. My dad ran to get his gun and quickly returned, but couldn't bring himself to put Shango down He decided we would take him to the vet and hope something could be done.

I picked up Shango and got in the back of the truck, and my dad rushed us to the clinic. I had to hold Shango down the entire time, tears streaming down my face, because he didn't realize where he was and kept trying to get up. We finally got to the vet and I carried him in. The vet sedated him, gave him pain killers, and said the best he could do was keep him overnight and hope the brain swelling didn't get him.

After a mostly sleepless night, I woke up the next morning and grabbed a quick breakfast, then noticed a message on the answering machine. It was from the vet, who confirmed what I pretty much knew: Shango had died in the middle of the night. As much as I had already accepted it, it was still jarring to hear that my friend of 14 years was no longer there. I will never forget that feeling.

I share this story not to relay any grand political or moral lesson. I only share it to point out that it’s funnier than the first two posts.

[AUDub 11,149]

1 minute ago, Leftfield said:

 

I share this story not to relay any grand political or moral lesson. I only share it to point out that it’s funnier than the first two posts.

 

Jeez that's ******* brutal. 

[ShocksMyBrain 9,366]

23 minutes ago, AUDub said:

Jeez that's ******* brutal. 

[Mikey 16,605]

4 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

Way too much work went into that for it to still not be funny.

First off, dashing something like that out isn't much work. A good tale falls into place by itself in a matter of seconds. Secondly, I didn't expect the Lefties here to like it. Thirdly, I think it's rockin' funny and so on-point.

[DKW 86 7,425]

9 hours ago, Leftfield said:

When I was in sixth grade, one of my teachers mentioned to the class that she had a neighbor who sheltered dogs. One of the dogs had a puppy, whom he had named Shango, a few months before. The neighbor trained Shango and was now looking for a loving family to take him in. I went home that night, talked to my parents, and they agreed that we could get him.

That weekend we went to pick Shango up. Being younger, I was a taken aback to see that when the man who had taken care of him brought him out, he was crying. He loved that dog and put tremendous effort in training and raising him, and was sad to see him go. At that moment I vowed to myself to take good care of Shango and give him a good life.

Shango was a Border Collie/German Shepard mix, so he was extremely intelligent. He had a wonderful disposition and was instantly friendly to anyone, while still being a great watchdog. The Border Collie in him meant he had tons of energy, which was important around my four siblings and me. 

The only hitch we ever found with Shango was that, for some reason, he absolutely hated UPS trucks. We never knew for sure, but we strongly suspected that at one time a driver came to the house to make a delivery, and either out of malice or fear kicked Shango. Nothing else really made sense. Shango could be sitting peacefully in the yard, but as soon as he saw a UPS truck, even if it was way down the street, he would take off after it, barking angrily (which he never did otherwise) the entire time. He never did this with any other vehicle. 

Over 14 years with us, Shango proved to be a fantastic dog. Tons of fun memories were made with him and he was loyal, friendly, and a wonderful companion. When I was back home from Auburn and working during the summer before my fourth year, my dad, little brother and I were working in the front yard, with Shango close by. I hear an engine, look up, and there is a UPS truck pulling up the driveway (my parents had a long, rock driveway at the time). Shango immediately tore off after the truck and began running alongside it, right next to the left-front tire. There was a point in the driveway where you could go straight or turn left. The UPS driver turned, right as Shango happened to be looking away. I watched in horror as Shango went under the wheel. I was surprised to see him jump up and run off, but he was yelping in pain the whole time. Initially I had hope that, since he was able to run, he had escaped serious injury, but after I caught up to him a little ways into the woods and got a good look at him, I knew he was done. His jaw was broken, one of his eyes had gone foggy and was damaged, and he was moving around in obvious pain and confusion. My dad ran to get his gun and quickly returned, but couldn't bring himself to put Shango down He decided we would take him to the vet and hope something could be done.

I picked up Shango and got in the back of the truck, and my dad rushed us to the clinic. I had to hold Shango down the entire time, tears streaming down my face, because he didn't realize where he was and kept trying to get up. We finally got to the vet and I carried him in. The vet sedated him, gave him pain killers, and said the best he could do was keep him overnight and hope the brain swelling didn't get him.

After a mostly sleepless night, I woke up the next morning and grabbed a quick breakfast, then noticed a message on the answering machine. It was from the vet, who confirmed what I pretty much knew: Shango had died in the middle of the night. As much as I had already accepted it, it was still jarring to hear that my friend of 14 years was no longer there. I will never forget that feeling.

I share this story not to relay any grand political or moral lesson. I only share it to point out that it’s funnier than the first two posts.

 

9 hours ago, AUDub said:

Jeez that's ******* brutal. 

 

8 hours ago, ShocksMyBrain said:

Sorry about the dog but...THAT WAS EPIC.

Touche' mon frere...

[TitanTiger 20,483]

6 hours ago, Mikey said:

First off, dashing something like that out isn't much work. A good tale falls into place by itself in a matter of seconds. Secondly, I didn't expect the Lefties here to like it. Thirdly, I think it's rockin' funny and so on-point.

"Good" being the operative word.  It wasn't.  It's third-rate boomer humor.

Second, I'm not a lefty.  I'm just an honest center-righty.

Third, your funny meter needs a tune up.

[Leftfield 2,601]

6 hours ago, Mikey said:

Thirdly, I think it's rockin' funny and so on-point.

Suddenly it's so clear why you think Trump has a sense of humor.

And I'm not a lefty, either.

[Leftfield 2,601]

1 hour ago, DKW 86 said:

Sorry about the dog but...THAT WAS EPIC.

Touche' mon frere...

[Mikey 16,605]

3 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

Second, I'm not a lefty.  I'm just an honest center-righty.

So you claim. That's not where I'd file you on my spectrum of left/right. Does the L-R location enjoy the same privilege as one's name? The spelling doesn't matter, it's how the person wants their name pronounced?

3 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

"Good" being the operative word.  It wasn't.  It's third-rate boomer humor.

Oh well, we all try our best to please the masses. There are always a few outliers and I fear that's unavoidable.

3 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

Third, your funny meter needs a tune up.

It's workin' fine. I get a stitch in my side from laughing every time Bumbin' Joe comes out of hiding and mumbles a few words before he ducks back into his basement. I see his failing health has once again forced him to cut off contact with the public at noon. I like an afternoon nap too, but I'm not pretending to be capable of holding the position of POTUS.

[Mikey 16,605]

3 hours ago, Leftfield said:

And I'm not a lefty, either.

Sure had me fooled!

[Leftfield 2,601]

8 minutes ago, Mikey said:

Sure had me fooled!

That seems difficult. 

[TitanTiger 20,483]

44 minutes ago, Mikey said:

So you claim. That's not where I'd file you on my spectrum of left/right. Does the L-R location enjoy the same privilege as one's name? The spelling doesn't matter, it's how the person wants their name pronounced?

Your spectrum detector is broken too.

If I'm a left winger, then I am the worst one ever.  I've never voted for a Democrat for president (though that might change this year as a direct message to the GOP).  I've only voted for a Democrat for Senate once in my life.  Only voted for a Democrat for the House twice and both times it was because my family knew the guy personally and he was a conservative Dem.  I'm pro-life, pro-2nd Amendment (and own guns with a concealed carry permit), and a theologically conservative Christian that believes sex and marriage are supposed to be between one man and one woman.  I believe in religious freedom and freedom of conscience.  I favor a strong military and am skeptical of the UN.

What mostly puzzles you and sends you careening off into ignorant screeds about me being a "leftie" is that I don't play team ball and mute my criticisms of Republicans and Trump while amplifying even the smallest errors of the Democrats, and that I call out conservatives for not living up to their principles.  I don't accept the sorry, sketchily sourced rumors that suffice as gospel truth for conservatives to use against Dems.  I don't think all Democrats are evil incarnate or that they all operate from bad faith.  

For these and other sins, I'm regarded as a leftie here, but that moniker is rooted in nothingness.

 

Quote

Oh well, we all try our best to please the masses. There are always a few outliers and I fear that's unavoidable.

Ok, boomer.

[Mikey 16,605]

13 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

I've never voted for a Democrat for president (though that might change this year as a direct message to the GOP). 

So, you'll vote for the Socialist ticket and aren't a lefty. Ok, if you say so.

13 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

Ok, boomer.

Is that supposed to be some sort of insult? I saw Elvis live, on stage in a movie theater before he became so famous. I saw Chuck Berry when he was a young guy, Buddy Holly before the music died and Lightnin' Hopkins perform when he was so drunk he had to be propped up on a stool to play. I loaded live air to air missiles onto USAF fighter-interceptor jets during the Cuban Missile Crisis. I jeered at the hippies in the '60's and cast my first vote in a presidential election for Goldwater against LBJ in '64. I had to push my first wife into the hotel swimming pool because she went into instant heat when Tucker Fredrickson walked by, and I stood on the practice sideline beside Coach Jordan while he fussed at Alvin Bressler for dropping a TD pass from Pat Sullivan. A boomer is a fine thing to be.

[TitanTiger 20,483]

8 hours ago, Mikey said:

So, you'll vote for the Socialist ticket and aren't a lefty. Ok, if you say so.

Well, it's only "socialist" to people who lack understanding of words and historical concepts, but yes.  Possibly.  I may vote for it in the same sense a cancer patient "votes" to take chemo.  

 

Quote

Is that supposed to be some sort of insult? I saw Elvis live, on stage in a movie theater before he became so famous. I saw Chuck Berry when he was a young guy, Buddy Holly before the music died and Lightnin' Hopkins perform when he was so drunk he had to be propped up on a stool to play. I loaded live air to air missiles onto USAF fighter-interceptor jets during the Cuban Missile Crisis. I jeered at the hippies in the '60's and cast my first vote in a presidential election for Goldwater against LBJ in '64. I had to push my first wife into the hotel swimming pool because she went into instant heat when Tucker Fredrickson walked by, and I stood on the practice sideline beside Coach Jordan while he fussed at Alvin Bressler for dropping a TD pass from Pat Sullivan. A boomer is a fine thing to be.

Ok, boomer.

[augolf1716 21,170]

9 hours ago, Mikey said:

So, you'll vote for the Socialist ticket and aren't a lefty. Ok, if you say so.

Is that supposed to be some sort of insult? I saw Elvis live, on stage in a movie theater before he became so famous. I saw Chuck Berry when he was a young guy, Buddy Holly before the music died and Lightnin' Hopkins perform when he was so drunk he had to be propped up on a stool to play. I loaded live air to air missiles onto USAF fighter-interceptor jets during the Cuban Missile Crisis. I jeered at the hippies in the '60's and cast my first vote in a presidential election for Goldwater against LBJ in '64. I had to push my first wife into the hotel swimming pool because she went into instant heat when Tucker Fredrickson walked by, and I stood on the practice sideline beside Coach Jordan while he fussed at Alvin Bressler for dropping a TD pass from Pat Sullivan. A boomer is a fine thing to be.

Damn man Buddy and Lightnin I've seen a lot of concerts but never got to see those two..........hats off to you

[aubiefifty 16,798]

23 minutes ago, augolf1716 said:

Damn man Buddy and Lightnin I've seen a lot of concerts but never got to see those two..........hats off to you

shame ya never got to see me either.

[Mikey 16,605]

15 minutes ago, augolf1716 said:

Damn man Buddy and Lightnin I've seen a lot of concerts but never got to see those two..........hats off to you

I was a teenager growing up in Miami in the 1950's, a lot of acts passed through. Lightnin' Hopkins came to a sort of "nightclub for teenagers" the Elk's Club put on once a month. He had a rag tied around his head. Once they got him propped up, he looked out at the crowd of white teenagers and said "You're gonna' see the whole show and if the cops don't like it they can go to hell". As drunk as he was, he didn't miss a lick on the guitar, didn't miss a single word of his lyrics. He ended the show with his tune "Gin Bottle Blues". A line from it: "I don't drink no more, thanks the Lord". I wouldn't take anything for seeing that.

[I_M4_AU 7,848]

2 hours ago, TitanTiger said:

Ok, boomer

Jealous?

[TitanTiger 20,483]

8 minutes ago, I_M4_AU said:

Jealous?

Not even a little. #GenX FTW

[I_M4_AU 7,848]

1 minute ago, TitanTiger said:

Not even a little. #GenX FTW

Good, you shouldn’t be at your age.  Stand by for the millennials to say “Ok GenXer” and you will understand how much of a non-issue it is. 

[jj3jordan 2,053]

I flew airplanes at FedEx for 18 years, so I understand.