Top 10 Amnesty International Recommendations

[Tiger in Spain 0]

The recent Amnesty International report accusing the US of operating a "gulag" at Guantanamo Bay included a number of demands for improvements in how prisoners are treated at thefacility. The top 10 recommendations are:

10. No fake beheadings.

9. Female guards to wear burka.

8. It's called the Holy Koran. Do not bring a Holy Bible or mention the name of the Holy Bible within 100 feet of a prisoner or Holy Koran.

7. No spinning blindfolded prisoners around before prayertime and pointing them at D.C instead of Mecca.

6. It is improper for an Arabic-speaking guard to enter a room with two or more prisoners without first announcing his understanding, especially if the conversation is about good flight schools or the number of security cameras at the White House.

5. Definition of torture includes hanging an Israeli flag in full view of a prisoner or a playing a Ashlee Simpson CD within hearing range of a prisoners cell.

4. The television must pick up Al Jazeera, CNN, and the BBC. Under no circumstances should Playboy After Dark and Fox News Channel be shown.

3. If during security checks a prisoner announces he has a Koran in his pillow case, it is a human rights violation to inspect it (no matter what the bomb-sniffing dog thinks).

2. When prisoners extol the virtues of Allah, it is blashphemous for the guard not to at least feign interest.

...and the number 1 recommendation for improving the treatment of prisoners is:

"Priest, Rabbi and a Mullah" jokes are grossly insensitive, implying the Mullah would fraternize with a Zionist and his Papist lapdog.