Cavalcade

[AWK 0]

I like the article, thought I would share.

“We’re coming to your town, we’ll help you party down …†I’m an American man. With that I honor I feel it’s time to speak up for other American men when I say we need to take a big, giant deep breath and relax.

I have to worry about putting food on the table, paying the bills, not being a jerkwad of a husband, and raising my toddler with just the right mix of kisses, Blue’s Clues and broccoli so she won’t end up dancing on a pole and blowing all her dough on therapy.

I have to worry about prostates, acid reflux, goofy looking moles, cholesterol, seasonal allergies, frequent urination, infrequent urination, male pattern baldness, chiseled abs, strange little monsters living in my toenails, not getting erections at the right time, erections that last more than four hours, and all the side effects from the alleged poisons that Tom Cruise is jumping up and down on a couch about that’ll supposedly save me from all these maladies.

I have to worry about all the aspartame from the Diet Cokes I’m hopelessly addicted to, and the heart attack I’m eventually going to have because modern science hasn’t invented mayo that actually tastes like mayo or a healthy salad that can fill up a sane and rational human being.

I have to worry about going to Florida because I’ll get blown away by Hurricane Navin, googling the word pandemic because a bird coughed on me, and getting blasted up the tailpipe by a dirty bomb and all the other weapons of mass destruction that didn’t exist before, but sure as shoot are going to now since it’ll be the in thing to do to gain street cred in certain parts of the world.

On top of all that, now I’m supposed to be “worried, very worried†about a bunch of drowning polar bears because I mindlessly threw a Styrofoam cup out of my SUV while worrying about Ontario looking like the Sahara desert 94 years from now thanks to the live adaptation of The Day After Tomorrow.

(Heavy sigh)

I’ve got news for you, pal; they’re going to nail us no matter what we do. So we might as well have a good time.

It’s time to take a break and worry about something important, like how the BCS going to screw over Auburn this year. The Urban spread is myth. Charlie Weis and Jeff Samardzija should trade hair styles. Come on everyone, let’s get some real honest to goodness goofy banter going again. We all need it.

American men, it’s time to walk into a big, fat college football hug.

CoW