2003 Darwin Awards

[bammanmr 0]

The following was e-mailed to me today. Thank goodness none are from the South.

THE DARWIN AWARDS FOR 2003:

(It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.)

THE 5th RUNNER-UP:

Goes to a San Angelo, Californian man who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old, David Hubbell, was pronounced dead at the Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m. according to the Mono County Sheriff's Department. Hubbell and his friends had apparently hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.

THE 4th RUNNER-UP:

Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch weiner from his throat where it had choked him to death.

THE 3rd RUNNER-UP:

Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag that was standing above him on an overhanging rock. He was killed instantly when it fell on him.

THE 2nd RUNNER-UP:

"Man loses face at party" is how the headline read.

A man at a West Virginian party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used a .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl.M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer said: 'I'll show you how to set it off. ' He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition on Wednesday, with extensive facial injuries according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

THE 1st RUNNER-UP:

Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that if the arrow had gone 1 millimetre to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr Delashaw said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Dr Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County District Attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

NOW, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:

The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington Amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but also having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his body and without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse still, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh on landing. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing 30' below atop his friend. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100' from the truck and dead from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

[stoic-one 1,557]

How can a guy that lived be 1st runner up, I thought the point was to remove yourself from the gene pool??

[channonc 466]

He didn't live. He died when the truck ran him over.

[stoic-one 1,557]

THE 1st RUNNER-UP:

Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that if the arrow had gone 1 millimetre to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr Delashaw said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Dr Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County District Attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

Not this one....

[Tiger Al 0]

How do they get all the details for the 'winner' if both of the people involved died???

[MDM4AU 337]

probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used a .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck

There was a show on TLC (I think?) a couple of days ago that tested this theory. I think the name of the show is "Myth Busters?" Anyway, they tried to recreate that scene and deducted that though it is possible it is highly unlikely to happen. I could explain why but I just realized that knowing all of this makes me appear to be quite the nerd! :unsure:

Also, I read the one about the concert a few years ago.