Adultery 101

[Auburn85 434]

http://www.miamiherald.com/entertainment/people/story/1379467.html

So you're left scratching your head, wondering how a guy like Tiger Woods would allow himself to get caught cheating on his wife.

We're not saying we condone Tiger's actions -- the best way to not get caught cheating on a spouse or significant other is to not cheat on your spouse or significant other. But from observing celeb and non-celeb cheaters from the sidelines for years, following these basic rules would help one cover his tracks.

1. No photos. We don't care if the photos are of you, your body parts, your mistress or the hotel room in which you are sneaking around. There can simply be no photos at all - even if the other party brings out a camera in playful fun. If there is a flash, you better dash.

2. Cash, not credit. You don't want to leave any kind of paper trail detailing where you have been and what you may have spent. Always use cash - for dinners, for gifts, for hotels. Besides, we bet that most pimps don't take American Express.

3. Get a ``booty phone.'' The best option, if you can afford it, is to use a second cellphone for calls you don't want your family or business to know about. We realize that most people can't swing that option, but at least learn to use your cellphone carefully. Always delete text messages - both sent and received - as well as voice mails and call logs. And when adding a phone number to your contacts, list it under a code name - like Driving Range or Clubhouse -- that won't look suspicious when your significant other looks at your phone.

4. Set your hours. You need to have limits, regardless of how intoxicating the rush of clandestine activities. Don't communicate with your mistress after a certain time of day. No hurried visits to the bathroom to send a message. No checking on something in the garage to arrange a future visit. Treat this like a job.

5. Have an air-tight alibi. You better have one or your on-the-side relationship built on a house of cards will crumble like a fire hydrant under a large SUV. And don't get a friend involved -- unless you have one who you can trust won't feel bad and tip off your better half. Meetings, business lunches, four-day golf tournaments in Dubai or Las Vegas can all be perfect alibis - just extend the start and finish times of each to allow some wiggle room.

-- Miami Herald Staff Report

[autigeremt 6,970]

Sounds like a pro. With a divorce rate of nearly 50% in the U.S., I think it's easy to figure what's up.

I would add........contrary to popular thought....women are nearly as guilty as men. Men are just "expected" to be the ones who do it the most.

[quietfan 233]

Sounds like a pro. With a divorce rate of nearly 50% in the U.S., I think it's easy to figure what's up.

I would add........contrary to popular thought....women are nearly as guilty as men. Men are just "expected" to be the ones who do it the most.

Just speaking for myself, I've always assumed women and men are equally guilty in any extra-marital affair..."it takes two", etc. Even when only one member of a given liaison may be married and the other single, both are equally guilty of adultery.

There may be a difference in style: Tiger is one person with apparently a history of serial adultery. Each of his mistresses could be guilty of only a single adulterous affair (I honestly haven't cared enough about their personal life stories to know), but there are more of those women.

Which is worse, one person committing multiple acts, or many people committing single acts?