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Warning! This is Satire!

Shula Keep's Player's Best Interest at Heart

Posted by: InBearWeTrustOn: 09/21/2006 10:46:15In: Commentary

Tommy Tuberville, Mack Brown and Bob Stoops should be ashamed. They wield discipline in their respective programs to gain the favor of the drive-by media, but their selfishness comes at the cost of the players.

Mike Shula recognizes the importance of athletics in his player's lives. A source close to the program explained "Education has never done nothing for these boys. They play football good and that is what is going to make them a star. Keeping these kids off the field is like taking the food out of their babies' mouths."

Despite the obvious damage keeping these players off the field will cause, coaches around the country have chosen to "suspend" players, sometimes for multiple games and, in some cases, games which could be lost without the player's help. What started in Oklahoma before the season began has now spread throughout the country, and we are facing a discipline-happy epidemic of selfish coaches putting their own reputation before their player’s lives.

Enter Mike Shula. Shula was already known for his unwillingness to bow to the pressure of the media when he refused to stop cursing on the sidelines or to switch from his acid washed jeans and denim shirts. This time Shula decided it was time to stand up for the players.

"Bama has always had its fair share of drunk drivers. If David Palmer had been playing for Mack Brown or one of these coaches today, he never would have stepped on the field" said one Alabama fan. "Shula recognizes that kids today may have moved on from DUIs and are now trying marijuana and playing with guns. Alabama has to keep up with the times and give these guys the same chances that countless other Bama players have had in the past."

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The kool-aid does flow rather freely over in west vance, keep on drinking guys. :drink1: A drunken stupor is the only way you see the team in dark pink jersey playing in the sugar bowl this year. I do agree on one point keep Shula around he is great fit for them.

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Why all the interest in Bama? Obviously, you people aren't true Auburn fans. One would think you'd be talking about your team. They are good and could really go far this year. I come over occasionally just to read and there's more about us than your own team. Guess I just don't understand why all the interest in Shula, his rules, or whatever. I like to talk football, but can't do it here. You guys want to talk about Bama and not Bama/Auburn football. Guess since I don't care about other team's coaches, rules, and so forth, I don't understand the obsession. :ua:

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Why all the interest in Bama?

And why are you here on an Auburn board hypocrit.

Obviously, you people aren't true Auburn fans.

Well let'put it this way, I ain't on a bama board.

One would think you'd be talking about your team. They are good and could really go far this year. I come over occasionally just to read and there's more about us than your own team. Guess I just don't understand why all the interest in Shula, his rules, or whatever. I like to talk football, but can't do it here. You guys want to talk about Bama and not Bama/Auburn football. Guess since I don't care about other team's coaches, rules, and so forth, I don't understand the obsession. :ua:

Go look at any bama board and see how many posts are about Auburn. We like to have fun here and bama is funny. People like you are downright hilarious. And if things don't suit you here, don't let the door hit your baggy butt.

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Why all the interest in Bama? Obviously, you people aren't true Auburn fans. One would think you'd be talking about your team. They are good and could really go far this year. I come over occasionally just to read and there's more about us than your own team. Guess I just don't understand why all the interest in Shula, his rules, or whatever. I like to talk football, but can't do it here. You guys want to talk about Bama and not Bama/Auburn football. Guess since I don't care about other team's coaches, rules, and so forth, I don't understand the obsession. :ua:

You're on an Auburn board telling us we're obsessed with your team? Put down the bong.

We talk about bammer and Coach Shiela because we're fun loving people and you guys are a constant source of goofy crap to laugh at.

Any other brilliant questions?

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