Football Jokes

[RollTideRoll 0]

An Auburn grad was walking down the street, when his old college buddy pulled up in a brand new Porsche. "Where the hell did you get Porsche?", the grad asked in disbelief. "Well," his buddy replied, "Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motions for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes, and tells me, 'You can have anything you want'. So I took the car." "That was pretty smart", said the Auburn grad, "Seeing as how her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Two Auburn golfers hit nice drives down the middle of the fairway. When they arrived at their balls, the first one was getting ready to hit, and the second one said, "Wait, that's my ball." The other said "No, it's mine. I'm playing a Titliest 1". The first one said "I'm playing a Titliest 1, also". So they argued for a few minutes, and finally a Bama golfer was walking in the next fairway, and the auburn guys asked him to come over. They explained what had happened and asked him to make the call and that they would go with whatever ruling he made. So, the Bama golfer looks down at the two Titliest 1 golf balls, and then quickly ask, "Which one of you is playing the yellow ball?"

There was this AU teacher who was yelling at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said. One of the students put up his hand. "But professor, there aren't that many in this class," he said.

[WarTim 3,456]

These came off Noah's Ark in a wheelchair.

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Oh, WAR EAGLE ! ! !

[AU4Ever 0]

I posted this one earlier today, but the thread got nudged to the second page within the next minute. It's old, but I still like it:

When Bear died and miraciously went to Heaven, God met him at the gate and led him to a small run-down shanty on the outer edge of heaven. There was a small tattered UA flag blowing in the breeze. Bear had a puzzled look on his face. He looked at God and said, "I dont understand why I get such a run down place to live in. I was the greatest coach ever. As we were coming in, I saw a mansion up on the hill that had an beautiful Auburn flag waving in the breeze. Why does Shug get such better accomodations than I do?" God replied, "That's not Shug's house. It's mine".

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

[RollTideRoll 0]

Of course, but they are funny... and easy to swap the names and so on to make fun of anything

[brankster 0]

here is a old mean one!!!!! but i think its rather funny....

what do bama fans and maggots have in common?

Both can live off a dead bear for years!!!!!

[TrueBlue72 0]

I have three short Bammer jokes.

1. Football

2. Tradition

3. Education

[AU4Ever 0]

I got one more and then I'll quit, I promise.

As Bear was growing older, he began having a problem getting an erection, and his wife was growing distraught. He called Shug up to see if Shug could give him any advice. Shug told him that he had recently had the same problem and his doctor told him take his manhood out and gently tap the footboard of his bed two or three times, and that should get the blood flowing and do the trick. Bear decided to try it a couple of nights later, so when he got home from practice late that night, his wife was already in bed with the lights off. Bear tiptoed into the bedroom, got undressed, and tapped his manhood against the bed two or three times, only to hear his wife ask, "Is that you, Shug?"

[autigeremt 6,608]

When the elephant walks through the jungle, all the other animals just look up and keep at what their doing.

When a TIGER walks through the jungle..........ALL IS QUIET! STILL! Hoping the TIGER is'nt hungry. And wishing they had a hummer or a cadilac to get into

[AUHansel 0]

I might take the Porsche, its probably worth a lot of money. hahaha

girls come and go, but gettin a free porsche, that never happens. its harder to get a porsche than it is to get a hot girl naked.

[Argo 8]

I might take the Porsche, its probably worth a lot of money. hahaha

girls come and go, but gettin a free porsche, that never happens. its harder to get a porsche than it is to get a hot girl naked.

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Just having the porsche gets the hot girls naked. And to top things off, by having the porsche YOU get to chose which hot naked girl YOU want.

[AUloggerhead 2,229]

Two uat grads working as janitors in an office building are waiting on an elevator. As the elevator doors open and one of them pushes his wheeled bucket & mop inside while the other manuvers his wheeled trash bin into the car, they notice the Auburn grad in suit & tie already inside, briefcase in hand. One of the uat grads looks at the other, winks, and decides to have a little fun. He says "Ya know, if'n ah had a doh-ter inna ho-howse an'na son at Aw-barn .... Ah believe Ah'd hafta rescue my son first." The other uat grad puts his hand over his mouth & smirks at this and then they both look at the Auburn grad for a reaction. The Auburn grad looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "You're right. That makes sense. The daughter would be fine right where she is with her mother."

WDE

[88Tiger 0]

My 8 YO son's favorite...

Must be told in a very serious tone.

Did you hear that Shula is only dressing 30 players for this week's game?

Yeah, he figures that by this time in the season that the seniors should be able to dress themselves...

Hardy har har!!!!!

WDE!!!!!!

[Tigermike 3,027]

I might take the Porsche, its probably worth a lot of money. hahaha

girls come and go, but gettin a free porsche, that never happens. its harder to get a porsche than it is to get a hot girl naked.

123249[/snapback]

Which brings to mind a joke about a monkey and an elephant that were best friends. If you have the total package, you don't need a sports car!

[tigereyes 19]

They rolled a corpse into the morgue and the Dr. told his asst. to prepare the body for an autopsy and left the room. The asst. rolled the body over and found a cork stuck in his rear end. He pulled out the plug and the ramma jamma Alabama cheer started playing. He put it back in and ran and got the Dr., watch this and pulled the plug and the ramma jamma Alabama cheer started playing again. I don't see the big deal said the Dr., I have been to Bryant-Denny stadium and heard 80,000 @ss holes say that cheer before.

[AU4Ever 0]

Bear received a gift from one of SPUAT's illegal contributors one year. It was a bolt of fine silk cloth. The contributor told him it should be enough to make him one fine suit. Bear carried the cloth to his local tailor in T-Town, the tailor measured Bear, measured the cloth and told Bear there was only enough cloth to make him sports coat. This confused Bear as he was told there was enough to make him a whole suit. So Bear calls Shug and explains his dilema. Shug tells him to come on over to Auburn and he'll take Bear to his local tailor. Bear drives to Auburn and meets Shug at the tailor shop. Shug's tailor measures Bear, measures the cloth and then tells Bear that there is enough material for a complete suite and a second pair of pants. Bear tells Shug about what his T-Town tailor told him, to which Shug replied, "Bear, you must remember, you're not near as big in Auburn as you are in Tuscaloosa."

[PChamp119 96]

I have three short Bammer jokes.

1. Football

2. Tradition

3. Education

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[PChamp119 96]

Here's another I find amusing:

Alabama is going to beat Auburn

[WaReAgLe83 0]

My favorite...

A man on a business trip is taking a shortcut along a back country road when he passes a farm with an outhouse. He nearly wrecks when he notices that there is an antenna on top of the outhouse. He goes up to the farmer sitting on his front porch and asks him what the deal is. The farmer replies, "I'm renting it out to a couple of Auburn boys down on their luck." As he drives off, the man wonders how anyone could be in worse shape. On the return trip, he takes the same road, past the same outhouse - but now there's a second antenna! He stops again to find out what's going on. The farmer chuckles and says, "Well, them Auburn boys rented out the basement to a couple of Bammers!!"