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The Legendary "Kick 'Em in the Nuts" thread

AUAeroEngineer

By AUAeroEngineer
in All Things Considered...

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jsb29 Mentor

jsb29 0

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Charging.... clear!

How's everyone doing? Anyone get married since we last talked? Get pregnant? Graduate? How's the weather? New job? Lose your job? Get a promotion? Get a demotion? Plans for the summer? Plans for next weekend? Anyone?

My old lady's pregnant with #2 and I'm trying to get another job.  Does that get me anything?

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AUAeroEngineer Founding Father

AUAeroEngineer 0

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The life of an engineer:

1. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

2. A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?

We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in,

"I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said,

"Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,

so we let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said,

"That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them."

The ophthalmologist added, "Good idea. And maybe I could examine

them to see if there's anything I can do for them."

They were silent for a moment. 

Then the engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

3. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

4. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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AUAeroEngineer Founding Father

AUAeroEngineer 0

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Charging.... clear!

How's everyone doing? Anyone get married since we last talked? Get pregnant? Graduate? How's the weather? New job? Lose your job? Get a promotion? Get a demotion? Plans for the summer? Plans for next weekend? Anyone?

My old lady's pregnant with #2 and I'm trying to get another job.  Does that get me anything?

Ask your wife  ;D

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jsb29 Mentor

jsb29 0

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Charging.... clear!

How's everyone doing? Anyone get married since we last talked? Get pregnant? Graduate? How's the weather? New job? Lose your job? Get a promotion? Get a demotion? Plans for the summer? Plans for next weekend? Anyone?

My old lady's pregnant with #2 and I'm trying to get another job.  Does that get me anything?

Ask your wife  ;D

Not until "this dang thing is out of her"  :-X

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Easybake Mentor

Easybake 0

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Charging.... clear!

How's everyone doing? Anyone get married since we last talked? Get pregnant? Graduate? How's the weather? New job? Lose your job? Get a promotion? Get a demotion? Plans for the summer? Plans for next weekend? Anyone?

My old lady's pregnant with #2 and I'm trying to get another job.  Does that get me anything?

Ask your wife  ;D

Not until "this dang thing is out of her"  :-X

you can pull out afterwards!! or wait, are we talking about the baby?  :dunno:

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AUAeroEngineer Founding Father

AUAeroEngineer 0

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More Engineering Jokes:

You might be an engineer if....

You Might be an Engineer If... (Part Two)

... you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.

... you are still drinking Mr. Pibb.

... you are at a wine tasting and you find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay.

... you bought your wife a new CD Rom for her birthday.

... you can name at least 6 Star Trek episodes.

... you can quote the scenes from any Monty Python movie.

... you can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting.

... you can't fit any more colored pens in your pocket.

... you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.

... you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.

... you ever forgot to get a haircut... for 6 months (I'm experiencing this right now, ha)

... you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

... you have ever owned a calculator with no equals key and know what PRN stands for.

... you have never backed up your hard drive.

... you know how to take the cover off your computer and what size screwdriver to use.

... you know what "http://" stands for.

... you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.

... you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.

... you think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children. (SOOOOOOOO TRUE)

... your IQ is higher than your weight.

... your laptop cost more than your car.

... your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work. (Or in my case, parents)

... you have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.

... politically correct people call you "organizationally challenged."

You Might be an Engineering STUDENT if...

... you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division (VERY True)

... you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator

... you think in "math"

... you consider any non-science course "easy"

... you understood more than five of these indicators

These things are actually hilarious to me now that I've actually worked in the field. It's weird, ha

... you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your d

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  • 2 weeks later...
AUAeroEngineer Founding Father

AUAeroEngineer 0

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Well, I just booked like four fishing trips for this summer. Sunday I'm going out on a six hour trip with friends and family, then the next wednesday I'm going on an 8 hour trip. About two weeks later, I'm going on an overnight trip out in the gulf, and I can't wait for that one. Then I'm going again in late July. I'd say I'm living up to my name

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mustache eagle Founding Father

mustache eagle 2,412

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Hey, Fish ... Ease up on the Engineer jokes ... some of them hit a little to close to home.  I am getting a complex!

You can make up for it by taking me on one of your 4 trips ... 4 by the end of July??? Really?

sunblock!

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AuburnEngineer Founding Father

AuburnEngineer 0

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Hey, Fish ... Ease up on the Engineer jokes ... some of them hit a little to close to home.  I am getting a complex!

You can make up for it by taking me on one of your 4 trips ... 4 by the end of July??? Really?

sunblock!

equation%20cartoon.jpg

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AUAeroEngineer Founding Father

AUAeroEngineer 0

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Hey, Fish ... Ease up on the Engineer jokes ... some of them hit a little to close to home.  I am getting a complex!

You can make up for it by taking me on one of your 4 trips ... 4 by the end of July??? Really?

sunblock!

They really do hit home a little too much  :laugh: As for fishing, it's one of the requirements for keeping my name  :tease:

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Easybake Mentor

Easybake 0

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I'm pretty sad that I wasn't invited Fish...

HEY EVERYBODY!!!

It's FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Uh, did you not get the four texts????

He may not have... but I did ;)

no, you dont text me  :'( I must be the biggest loser ever on AE, but not like the fat people that lose weight, but like the guy that doesn't get texted... but I bet some people are in both of those categories

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AuburnEngineer Founding Father

AuburnEngineer 0

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I'm pretty sad that I wasn't invited Fish...

HEY EVERYBODY!!!

It's FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Uh, did you not get the four texts????

He may not have... but I did ;)

no, you dont text me  :'( I must be the biggest loser ever on AE, but not like the fat people that lose weight, but like the guy that doesn't get texted... but I bet some people are in both of those categories

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Nothing to see here...

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