I hate Alabama

[GalensGhost 0]

I've read a number of eloquent rants against Alabama and their obnoxious fans in a variety of places throughout this board (and others). Let's get them all in one place. One story at a time, brick by brick, put the pieces together. We all have anecdotes of Bama churlishness, particularly those who lived during the Bear's time.

Here's one of mine. More to come.

I hate Alabama fans because they include far too many of the most ignorant, obnoxious people on earth. I was in Tuscaloosa with my kids a coupld of weeks before Christmas. Wearing an orange Auburn pullover, normal attire for me. [sidebar: There are more Auburn fans in Tuscaloosa than most people realize]. It's cold and the kids want to go to a movie to break up the shopping monotony. On the way in, a cop stops me and tells my kids I've got to change my shirt or leave the theater. He thinks it's funny. It terrifies my six year old daughter. He apologizes. We go into the theater and before the movie, they show a highlight reel of Mike Shula and the Tide football team. A group of Bammers sitting behind us start up an "Auburn SUCKS" cheer. Over and over. Auburn SUCKS. Auburn SUCKS. These aren't kids. These are grown people. My 15-year old daughter is a hothead. She throws up four fingers before I can stop her. This provokes a round of profanity from behind us. Thankfully the previews start and the bammers settle down.

Leave the theater and head back to the mall. Cashier at Hibbetts tells me they don't take Auburn money. She's kidding, I'm sure. but I've had about enough. Back out in the hallway of the mall, this stinking overweight hag in sweatpants and a red "Got 12" t-shirt gets in my path and tells me I'm wearing the ugliest shirt she's ever seen. In case you hadn't noticed, I can be a jackass myself. Winston Churchill came to mind. So I told her, "Lady, I can change shirts. But you..." And I walked off.

Okay, so maybe the orange AU shirt in Tuscaloosa when the wounds were still fresh wasn't the best idea. But I still hate Bama.

For what it's worth, a lady who has known me for 15 years saw me wearing my blue AU pullover a few days after the game and sneered "you Auburn people are really coming out of the woodwork, aren't you." How could she have missed that most of the clothes I've owned for the entire time I've known her are either orange or blue and have an AU insignia on them? I wear my gaudiest AU clothes on the days after AU loses! Anyway... I hate Alabama. Always have. Always will.

[abrnfanatc 6]

A week or so ago, I thought it was safe to go to Wally World as the Bammers were quiet (before the bowl game). I was wearing an Auburn hat, which is pretty normal attire on the weekends for me. Some schmuck wearing a "fancy" western shirt comes up to me and says..."you got some dirt on yer hat" and proceeded to brush the AU logo with his hand. Instead of decking the inbred right there, I simply smiled and said, oh it's probably just a THUMB print. Needless to say, he didn't have anything after that.

[GalensGhost 0]

My family had dinner with the families of several people who work for us Friday night. The following is an actual coversation between my six year old daughter and the nine year old son of an employee who is a Bama fan. In the sequence below, my daughter will be referenced by her initials, ET, and the bama fan's son will be noted by his, WF -- I think his middle initial is T, which is entirely fitting.

ET: Are you an Alabama fan or an Auburn fan?

WF: Bama fan, what do you think? Auburn sucks.

ET: Does not. Alabama stinks. Auburn beat Alabama, did you not know that?

WF: So what? Who won the bowl, game, huh? Who won ten games and who didn't? HUH? Who kicked the field goal and beat Texas? Huh? Who did that? Auburn didn't.

ET: I don't care. Auburn beat your stinky team. Auburn is better.

WF: Are not. Girls are stupid.

ET: Boys are stupider. Auburn beat your team. ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa-ha. Auburn is the best.

WF: Girls don't know anything about football. They should shut up.

ET: You need to shut up with your stupid getting beat Alabama team. I'm not talking to you any more. I'm going to tell my daddy.

I don't have to do anything. My kids will hate Alabama on their own without any prompting from me.

[GalensGhost 0]

In a small West Alabama town, I stopped at a country store to get a drink. I've got on a navy polo shirt with an innocuous AU logo on the left. Nothing obnoxious or overbearing.

Grizzled old coot in overalls behind the counter peers at me through his Joe Paterno glasses. Smells of stale aftershave and a lifetime of snuff.

"You've got some dog*&!@^ on your shirt, son," he rasps. And then cackles like he's just busted the funniest joke.

I left the drink on the counter, put my money back in my pocket and left. Didn't say a word.

This is day-to-day life in the small towns in the 100-mile radius of Tuscaloosa.

[GalensGhost 0]

Coming back from Montgomery after a business meeting, I stopped at a convenience store between Centerville and Pratville. This is the week after Alabama beat Tennessee.

Wearing a blue blazer and a tie with orange and blue in it (and green). AU decals on the windows of my truck. On the way in, I notice four or five guys standing around a primered up T-bird. One has a dirty Alabama doo rag on his head. He follows me in the store with one of his buds, making loud comments about "undefeated....national championship...spanking some redneck *** when Bama goes to Auburn"other such typical drivel. I ignore him.

Go to get into my truck and he hollers across the little parking lot: "HEYAuburn!"

I look in his general direction. He grins like a dirty possum and says:

"I got one word for ya. Roll TIDE."

At that point, I couldn't resist.

"What year did you say you graduated from Alabama?" I asked.

His crew hooted with laughter.

Flash of anger from Mr. DooRag. "You saying I'm dumb?"

"Nope, you did that yourself," I yelled as I closed the door and left.

I hate Alabama fans.

[saniflush 0]

A group of Bammers sitting behind us start up an "Auburn SUCKS" cheer. Over and over. Auburn SUCKS. Auburn SUCKS.  These aren't kids. These are grown people.  My 15-year old daughter is a hothead. She throws up four fingers before I can stop her.  This provokes a round of profanity from behind us. 

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I can tell that your daughter will make a wonderful young lady down the road. In these times where kids go astray it is nice to hear of some that have their lives in order!

[vatz22au 142]

After the bashing Bama received at Jordan-Hare, I proceeded to exit the student section and walk back to a tailgating spot. Upon hitting the Momma G's intersection...I came upon one bama fan. I sat there, waiting for the chance to cross the street...when suddenly I hear right in my face," 12 national championships.....you can't beat that..."

I then looked at this guy in a wierd daze. Can fans really be this delusional? Here, we have a fan who had his own team just beaten bad....and I mean bad....by their own in-state rival....and all he can do is prance around Auburn yelling 12 national championships? Is it a state of non-belief? Has the fact that Bama can't beat Auburn really triggered something deep within this person's head?

Time will only tell.

I then looked at the fan, shook my head in a concerning affair, held up 4 fingers, and walked away.

As for the other "class" acts in the state of Alabama that represent their team so well....you all nailed it.

[AUesquire 1]

I just received an e-mail from a Bammer with a long list of "Honk if..." sayings about Auburn losing their bowl game and Bama winning 10 games and 12 national championships blah, blah, blah. I was in a hurry (I do work sometimes, ya' know) but had to fire off what came to mind.

Honk if you make up cute sayings for bumper stickers in order to make yourself feel better about getting your arse handed to you by your biggest rival for the 4th straight year.

Honk if you continue to use excuse after excuse for the position your program is really in, when in fact, you did it to yourself by paying $150,000.00 for an overweight, overrated, lineman who can't spell his name and contributed exactly ZERO to your program.

Honk if your current head coach has little or no ability to stay upright in a chair for long periods of time.

Honk if you've slept with Mike Price.

His response was quick and simple. He responded with "Terd".

To which I promptly replied, That's "Turd" as in "Crimson Turd"

[AWK 0]

Iron Bowl 2003

I left the game around the 3rd Quarter because the girl i was dating had become ill(not from alcohol), my good friend,myself, and my ex headed back to our tailgate spot. No one was there from our group, but there were a group of older adults sitting around a TV watching the game. Me and my friend decided it would be OK to watch the game.(since everyone at AU tailgates are friendly) What we didnt notice is that they were a bunch of retarded UAT redneck fans.....After watching the game for about 5 minutes one of the toothless members of the crew asked us to leave. Me, in my typical smartass form, asked him why..........and he responded with......"because you are hitting on our ladies"..... Let me point out two things real quick, #1 my girlfriend at the time was standing two feet from me and #2 their "ladies" looked like freaking rejects from the Jerry Springer show. After the man said the ridicolous statement, there was about a 2 second pause, and i replied, "I have had a few beers today, Sir, but there is no way I could get drunk enough too hit on your "ladies"....." Thank Goodness some of my friends were returning to the tailgate, because it was about to be Royal Rumble 13

[WarTim 3,456]

Hate is such a harsh word. After all, it is really hard to hate some one you OWN.

[GalensGhost 0]

Hate is such a harsh word. After all, it is really hard to hate some one you OWN.  

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I once owned this dog that would crap all over itself whenever it heard thunder. Much like Brodie soiled himself at the sound of the approaching AU defense.

I owned that dog. I hated that dog.

[WarTim 3,456]

Hate is such a harsh word. After all, it is really hard to hate some one you OWN.  

211741[/snapback]

I once owned this dog that would crap all over itself whenever it heard thunder. Much like Brodie soiled himself at the sound of the approaching AU defense.

I owned that dog. I hated that dog.

211753[/snapback]

Good point Ghost. I stand corrected.

[AUloggerhead 2,231]

I haven't lived in AL in over 20 years but I still have memories of how idiotic the bammie fans were then (like they still are now.) I lived in Mobile in the early '80s and had some out-of-town college buddies come down to attend a wedding. We're out at a restaurant getting some breakfast and are naturally talking about football. The conversation turns to how tough our schedule had been playing Texas, FSU, UF & UT in the SEC, not to mention the Amen Corner, and then topping it off with a bowl win over Michigan. In contrast, I point out how easy a schedule uat ALWAYS seems to have where they play Vandy, MSU & UK in the SEC, Rutgers or some such OOC team. I then make the comment that "uat is ducking UF & UGA" (e.g. uat never played UGA when Herschel Walker was tearing up the rest of the SEC.) A shriveled up old coot smoking a cigarrette two tables over wearing (what else) a dirty mesh back baseball cap with an "A" on it interrupts our talk with the comment, "maybe UF & UGA are ducking al'bamuh." One of my friends loudly berates him for being so rude to interrupt a private conversation that didn't concern him. He has no comeback although you can read it on the glower on his face he's pissed that anyone should dare question the almighty crimpsum freakin' tahd. Inside, I'm laughing my azz off at how delusional they ALL are. Nothing's changed. WDE

[SouthLink02 8]

I have to admit.

I don't mind Bama

[sogaaufan 27]

How do you feel about Spurrier there Southlink? If you aren't a lifelong AU fan (preferably growing up in the state of Alabama) you will NEVER understand the sentiment in this thread. I have lived in Ga since 1989 (I grew up just outside of Mobile) and I'll assure you, you guys don't have anything that compares to the AU-UA rivalry. I've tried to explain it to hundreds of dawgs and you guys will never get it. Someone once even tried to compare it to GA-GATech. What a joke.

I graduated from high school in 1983 (the end of the great Bear Bryant run) and it was tough to be an AU fan in those days. I can remember being called an idiot by a school teacher (a grown man) because I wore an Auburn shirt to school. I was 12 years old at the time. I could give you a list a mile long of instances like this that has shaped my attitude toward the tahd.

If UA played the Talibahn I couldn't find anyone to root for.

[SouthLink02 8]

How do you feel about Spurrier there Southlink?

I actually like him to be honest.

I respect the hell out of a man who dominates the SEC like he does.

[abrnfanatc 6]

Okay, Slink. A better question should be, how did you like the Florida fans while Spurrier was busy dominating Georgia and the rest of the SEC?

I think that is the prevailing attitude here, ire and anger with fans, not coaches.

[SouthLink02 8]

Okay, Slink.  A better question should be, how did you like the Florida fans while Spurrier was busy dominating Georgia and the rest of the SEC?

I think that is the prevailing attitude here, ire and anger with fans, not coaches.

I wasn't a UGA fan back then

I really didnt know jack about UGA until I went to school at UGA in 2001

But, I know what you mean. I was just kidding.

[GalensGhost 0]

Okay, Slink.  A better question should be, how did you like the Florida fans while Spurrier was busy dominating Georgia and the rest of the SEC?

I think that is the prevailing attitude here, ire and anger with fans, not coaches.

I wasn't a UGA fan back then

I really didnt know jack about UGA until I went to school at UGA in 2001

But, I know what you mean. I was just kidding.

213627[/snapback]

Hijacks by nouveau UGA fans are not allowed. There are other places to post your Georgia-related poop.

[abrnfanatc 6]

Back to the subject...

Saw this and thought it was hilarious. Just another example of Bammers living the dream through someone else.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewI...item=8369597908

Notice the winning bidder's screen name.

[saniflush 0]

Wish I would have thought to print them up....

First I can take a joke so it doesn't hurt my feelings and

Secondly there is nothing like takeing a trailer payment or their chaw money away from them.

[abrnfanatc 6]

Yes, but think of the poor kids who have to do without the "fancy" Got 12 T-Shirts if they spend on this one...

[sogaaufan 27]

Are we to assume that the number after his name means that he is the 119th pipeman?

[WarTim 3,456]

I absolutely LOVE it! This proves, no matter how much they may deny, that they HATE the "FEAR the THUMB" thing. GREAT. They will hear it EVERY SINGLE day from ME!

[abrnfanatc 6]

Happy Birthday Tim, you have at least one wish come true today.