For those who appreciate satirical news outlets, this is the greatest SCOTUS brief you'll ever read

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

Anthony Novak sued a local Ohio police department for violating his constitutional rights after he was arrested for creating a Facebook account parodying the department. The case made its way to SCOTUS after the Sixth Circuit granted the officers qualified immunity (the government's response brief hasn't been filed yet). With that as backdrop, you will love this amicus brief filed by news outlet The Onion. The amicus brief was submitted in support of Mr. Novak's petition. Here is the link: https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242596/20221006144840674_Novak Parma Onion Amicus Brief.pdf

 

[homersapien 11,367]

52 minutes ago, NolaAuTiger said:

Anthony Novak sued a local Ohio police department for violating his constitutional rights after he was arrested for creating a Facebook account parodying the department. The case made its way to SCOTUS after the Sixth Circuit granted the officers qualified immunity (the government's response brief hasn't been filed yet). With that as backdrop, you will love this amicus brief filed by news outlet The Onion. The amicus brief was submitted in support of Mr. Novak's petition. Here is the link: https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242596/20221006144840674_Novak Parma Onion Amicus Brief.pdf

 

OMG!   That was absolutely, freakin hilarious!

I kept thinking this had to be my favorite paragraph, but it seemed like each subsequent paragraph would trump it.  (There I go mentioning Trump again )

Presumably, the original story of Mr. Novak's actual arrest is true?  (I am almost afraid to ask.)  And presumably if so, The Onion actually filed this amicus brief?

What a fabulous exposition on parody!  And I can certainly see why it appealed to a lawyer.  Thanks so much for sharing!

(And keep us updated on the case please.)

Edited October 20, 2022 by homersapien

[AUDub 11,147]

"First, it’s Latin. And The Onion
knows that the federal judiciary is staffed entirely by total Latin dorks: They quote Catullus in the original Latin in chambers. They sweetly whisper “stare decisis” into their spouses’ ears. They mutter “cui bono” under their breath while picking up after their neighbors’ dogs. So The Onion knew that, unless it pointed to a suitably Latin rallying cry, its brief would be operating far outside the Court’s vernacular."

ded

Edited October 20, 2022 by AUDub

[homersapien 11,367]

The Onion learned about the Sixth Circuit’s ruling in
this case, it became justifiably concerned.
 

First, the obvious: The Onion’s business model was
threatened. This was only the latest occasion on which
the absurdity of actual events managed to eclipse what
The Onion’s staff could make up. Much more of this,
and the front page of The Onion would be indistin-
guishable from The New York Times.

Edited October 21, 2022 by homersapien

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

"INTEREST OF THE AMICUS CURIAE

The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events. Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.

In addition to maintaining a towering standard of excellence to which the rest of the industry aspires, The Onion supports more than 350,000 full- and part-time journalism jobs in its numerous news bureaus and manual labor camps stationed around the world, and members of its editorial board have served with distinction in an advisory capacity for such nations as China, Syria, Somalia, and the former Soviet Union. On top of its journalistic pursuits, The Onion also owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily."

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

4 hours ago, homersapien said:

Presumably, the original story of Mr. Novak's actual arrest is true?  (I am almost afraid to ask.)  And presumably if so, The Onion actually filed this amicus brief?

Correct. Here is the docket: https://www.supremecourt.gov/search.aspx?filename=/docket/docketfiles/html/public/22-293.html 

The Onion filed its amicus brief earlier this month, on October 3rd. I'm waiting for The Babylon Bee to step in!

[AUDub 11,147]

6 hours ago, NolaAuTiger said:

"INTEREST OF THE AMICUS CURIAE

The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events. Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.

In addition to maintaining a towering standard of excellence to which the rest of the industry aspires, The Onion supports more than 350,000 full- and part-time journalism jobs in its numerous news bureaus and manual labor camps stationed around the world, and members of its editorial board have served with distinction in an advisory capacity for such nations as China, Syria, Somalia, and the former Soviet Union. On top of its journalistic pursuits, The Onion also owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily."

Everything about this amicus brief is solid effing gold.

[homersapien 11,367]

 

"In this case, by contrast, the Sixth Circuit ruled
that the defendant officers “could reasonably believe
that some of Novak’s Facebook activity was not par-
ody” primarily because Mr. Novak “delet[ed] comments
that made clear the page was fake.” Pet. App. 8a–9a.
But the lack of an explicit disclaimer makes no differ-
ence to whether a reasonable reader would discern
that this speech was parody.
 

Just to be clear, this was not a close call on the
facts: Mr. Novak’s spoof Facebook posts advertised that
the Parma Police Department was hosting a “pedophile
reform event” in which successful participants could be
removed from the sex offender registry and become

honorary members of the department after completing
puzzles and quizzes; that the department had discov-
ered an experimental technique for abortions and
would be providing them to teens for free in a police
van; that the department was soliciting job applicants
but that minorities were “strongly encourag[ed]” not to
apply; and that the department was banning city resi-
dents from feeding homeless people in “an attempt to
have the homeless population eventually leave our
City due to starvation.” Pet. App. 139a–41a"

 

[homersapien 11,367]

"The Onion intends to continue its socially valuable
role bringing the disinfectant of sunlight into the halls
of power. See Buckley v. Valeo, 424 U.S. 1, 67 (1976)
(quoting Louis D. Brandeis, Other People’s Money and
How the Bankers Use It 62 (National Home Library
Foundation ed. 1933)). And it would vastly prefer that
sunlight not to be measured out to its writers in 15-
minute increments in an exercise yard."

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

THE BABYLON BEE HAS STEPPED IN. I REPEAT, THE BABYLON BEE HAS STEPPED IN! https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/244213/20221028092221628_Babylon Bee - Amicus Brief.pdf

@AUDub

@homersapien

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

On 10/20/2022 at 3:59 PM, NolaAuTiger said:

I'm waiting for The Babylon Bee to step in!

Glorious.

[homersapien 11,367]

Pretty good, but not quite as funny as the Onion's.

 

"As a matter of fact, The Bee is serving a brutal life
sentence in Twitter jail as we speak.8 Its writers
would very much like to avoid a consecutive sentence
in a government-run facility."

 

"Truth is stranger than fiction. And fiction is ille-
gal. At least in the Sixth Circuit. "

 

"The Onion may be staffed by socialist wackos, but
in their brief defending parody to this Court, they hit
it out of the park. Parody has a unique capacity to
speak truth to power and to cut its subjects down to
size. Its continued protection under the First Amend-
ment is crucial to preserving the right of citizens to
effectively criticize the government.

Furthermore, parody shouldn’t be stripped of con-
stitutional protection just because it’s not clearly la-
beled as parody. And requiring that parody be written
so as to ensure that the most gullible in our society—
the Facebook-using grandmother, the tween TikTok
addict, the CNN reporter—don’t take it seriously ru-
ins the parody for everyone else."
 

 

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

16 hours ago, homersapien said:

As a matter of fact, The Bee is serving a brutal life
sentence in Twitter jail as we speak.8 Its writers
would very much like to avoid a consecutive sentence
in a government-run facility

Pure Gold!!!

[aubiefifty 16,770]

On 10/20/2022 at 10:41 AM, NolaAuTiger said:

Anthony Novak sued a local Ohio police department for violating his constitutional rights after he was arrested for creating a Facebook account parodying the department. The case made its way to SCOTUS after the Sixth Circuit granted the officers qualified immunity (the government's response brief hasn't been filed yet). With that as backdrop, you will love this amicus brief filed by news outlet The Onion. The amicus brief was submitted in support of Mr. Novak's petition. Here is the link: https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242596/20221006144840674_Novak Parma Onion Amicus Brief.pdf

 

i never saw this before but i have to say i saw several words i have no clue to what they mean. and i probably read close to fifty books a year. but i use to love the onion and did not know they were still around. have you been sued for malpractice yet? grins..................i kid