From the talk shows

[Piglet 0]

"President Bush is getting a lot of grief from conservatives about Harriet Miers' lack of legal opinions, which is kind of surprising.  A woman without any opinions?  That's like a Republican's dream, isn't it?"

--Jay Leno

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"But this sort of barrenness is threatening to the Republican base because they're generally people who hate sex and are bad at it.  So they fear that their own population will dwindle because there won't be enough Republicans willing to **** each other.  Harriet Miers isn't using the equipment God gave her for making babies, and that's just wrong.  It's like God giving you a beautiful garden and you not strip mining it for coal."

--Bill Maher, on the fact that Harriett Miers isn't married with children

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"Over the weekend at one of the games---Houston and St. Louis---one of the camera men caught former President Bush and his wife Barbara Bush kissing. Y'know, by god, you know you're at a dull game when you'd rather make out with Barbara Bush."

--David Letterman

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I don't know what to do to keep from getting the Avian Flu, but my first step is staying away from any bird running a fever.

--Will Durst

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"According to the latest polls, just 39% of Americans approve of the job Bush is doing. The White House is jumping on this 39% thing, they're saying he's now the president who represents minorities."

--Jay Leno

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Bill O'Reilly: There's a lot of bad people out there and it's our job to go after them.

Jon Stewart: So when are you going to start?

[AURaptor 1,137]

Thanks for reminding me why I don't watch those shows any more. Here I thought that getting up at 5am was keeping me from some funny t.v., when in fact, I wasn't missing anything.

Will Durst is the only 1 partially funny, and who has half a clue of what goes on in the world.