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Today, We Salute You, Mr. Internet Bama Fan!


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Some of you may have or may not have seen this before.

Bud Light presents, Real Men of Genius. (Reeeeeeeel men of geeeeniooooouuussssss!)

Today we salute YOU, Mr. Internet Bama Fan! (Mr. Internet Bama Fan!)

Only you realize the full weight of the NCAA's conspiracy against you. When other teams meekly accept that they pay players, you blame Tennessee. Even though you are dominated by your cross state rival, you maintain in the face of all facts that you are the premier program. When your quarterback admits the truth you vilify him in public.

(From crimson hero to crimson zero!)

While other fans concern themselves with jobs and success in life, you vent your frustrations into the nether world of cyberspace.

(Venting into cyberspace!)

Your unfailing eye for details picks up things that no one else sees, including the officials, and the replay guy, and the people in the stands, and the four million watching at home. Only YOU realize that Kenny Irons fumbled before he crossed the goalline. Only your all seeing eye presents the foregone conclusion that the coin toss was the moment that decided the game.

(Coin toss wins it all!)

Other teams assume that quality of play determines who wins the game. Only you realize that moral victories and whether or not the opposing team's coach celebrates with his fans is more important than the actual score.

(I won in spite of the score!)

So here's to you oh arbiter of college football. Keep typing away in the sure knowledge of your irrelevance. And know this, win or lose, in your mind you always win.

(Knowledge of irrelevance!)

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