UNBELIEVABLE

[TMAN34 0]

this is a joke, literally, for all those scratching their heads

Miami Punishes Players by Making Them Attend Class

The University of Miami handed down harsh penalties today to its football players who were involved in a wild, in-game fight on Saturday night, requiring all those who were involved to attend a class. Some will even have to attend two classes.

"We have to get the point across to our players that this type of behavior can not happen, at least in front of cameras," said head coach Larry Coker. "If they want to get in huge brawls off the field and away from TV cameras, that's one thing. But they can't be doing it on television. And in hopes they realize that, we're really bringing the hammer down on them by making them go to an actual, university-level class. I realize it's harsh, but hopefully we won't have something like this happen again."

Miami's players felt the punishment was unfair and that it could only lead to more on-field brawls and outbursts.

"When I was recruited to come here I was told that if I play my cards right I could get out of here in three years and be in the NFL," said freshman defensive back Ryan Hill. "Nowhere in the whole recruiting pitch was there any crap about academics or going to a class. I mean, this is Miami. It's understood what we're here for. We play football and some nerds take our tests and write our papers so the NCAA doesn't bother us. That's how it's been for years. Making us go to a class is only going to piss us off and make us act out even more. And I can't wait, to tell you the truth, because that was tons of fun on Saturday night."

Sophomore safety Anthony Reddick, one of the players required to attend two classes, said he may instead decide to leave the program than subject himself to the horrors of education.

"I was talking to this one girl I hooked up with at a party last night, I can't remember what her name was but she's a student at Miami. Anyway, she told me that some of the classes here are in the morning and that they last as long as an hour," said Reddick. "I'm hoping she was drunk when she said that because there's no way I'm going to get up before noon to attend any f-ing class. And, now that I think about, I know she was drunk when she said that because she passed out a few minutes later and didn't wake up again until after I had sex with her and pushed her body out into the hall."

And while several of the punished players are like Reddick are considering leaving Miami, others are willing to grit their teeth and suffer through a class.

"If I have to go, I'll go," said sophomore tight end DajLeon Farr. "But they can't make me learn anything. I've made it this far without knowing how to read, and I see no reason to change that now."

[abrnfanatc 6]

You forgot to mention the mandatory trip to 31 flavors after each class.

[kickerman97 3]

wow.

[saniflush 0]

I think it is a joke...literally

[KunzelTiger 0]

where did this come from? theonion?

[aumoore 0]

This has to be a farce..but the sad reality is it is probably pretty close to the truth/

[WarTim 3,457]

You forgot to mention the mandatory trip to 31 flavors after each class.

Wrong "school"....same type "players", but, wrong "school".

[AU alum 2]

You forgot to mention the mandatory trip to 31 flavors after each class.

I thought SPUAT was the only "institution" that did that. (I cannot call it a school).

[autigeremt 6,684]

In all fairness to the University of Miami, the school is not that bad!

But the football team needs to be disbanded! I mean, come on! The players and the fans acted like they were at ringside instead of a football game! The school needs to make some huge cuts and start over, or disband all together. The ACC wishes they had not allowed them into the conference for sure!

[AFTiger 282]

No link. I frankly don't believe it>