Journalist critiques KFC's "Famous Bowl"

[Tiger in Spain 0]

As we consider the worst fast-food offering ever, let us begin with the artifact itself: KFC's new Famous Bowls product consists of a plastic tub of mashed potatoes or rice, topped with yellow corn, fried chicken nuggets, gravy and three varieties of grated cheese. All in one container, all to be consumed as a single homogenous mass, spork after spork of undifferentiated food matter.

And there it sits on my desk, a steaming, sweating pound of food goo that I purchased at a drive-in window (more anonymous that way) for $3.99. Let me tell you, it's one thing to muse upon the Famous Bowls in a detached, ne'er-shall-pass-my-lips sort of way. Quite another to address the product, spork in hand.

And now, in the interests of participatory journalism, I take a bite. Hmmm. Uh-huh. OK. It's like throwing up in reverse.

The French culinary aesthete Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin reminded us that food is culture, and so we have to wonder what he would say about the Famous Bowls and life in this America. The French, after all, knew something about revolting peasants.

Even in a nation that has made the bulk fast-food bolus something of a culinary art, KFC's Famous Bowls are somehow splendidly, transcendently awful. Perhaps it's because, if you retain any of your childhood aversion to foods touching, the Famous Bowls will send you shrieking into traffic. Perhaps it's because it so brazenly exposes its own purpose: to economically pack the gullets of the poor. Gone is even the pretense that someone might eat this for its taste. This is gerbil food for the disenfranchised. One KFC marketing exec, in a moment of linguistic clarity I'll bet he wishes he had back, is quoted as saying the meals are directed at "heavy fast-food users." Never was the connection between fast food and addictive drugs made more explicit.

The Famous Bowls, according to KFC, are designed to lure more lunchtime customers with a meal that has all the goodness of KFC's popular dishes—like gravy—in one convenient, portable, easy-to-inhale serving. And thus the gustatory equivalent of composting.

A couple of questions immediately present themselves: Why not go all the way and top the Famous Bowls with an apple pie and pour Coca-Cola over them? To save customers the struggle to pocket their change at the drive-thru, why not throw it on top as well? If the product developers thought Famous Bowls were a good idea, I have two words for them: chicken smoothie.

You might have expected, after Morgan Spurlock's hilarious and scary "Super Size Me"—the 2004 documentary that charts his declining health on a steady diet of McDonald's—that the fast-food industry would be at least a little self-conscious about such offerings. Actually, no. McDonald's did begin to offer healthier menu options and retired the notorious Super Size option. But what has fueled McDonald's recent turnaround (revenues up 33% in three years) is the company's Dollar Menu, a smorgasbord of slow-acting poisons (trans fats, sugars, sodium and kilo-calories), marketed primarily at teenagers and minorities.

To keep pace with McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's pumped up their dollar-priced menu offerings. Wendy's, deciding its Biggie drink wasn't biggie enough, recently began offering sodas in 42-ounce cups. Great, a beverage I can swim in.

In the face of criticism drummed up by "Super Size Me"—and the 2001 book "Fast Food Nation," the film version of which will appear in theaters this fall—the industry has executed a marvelous bit of jujitsu, marketing even more heinous concoctions as manly, red-state antidotes to froufrou girlie food that would be imposed by the meddlesome big-government lunch lady. I love the Burger King ad for the Texas Double Whopper in which a mob of men burns its tighty whities, waving signs that say "Eat This Meat" and singing, to the tune of Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman": "I am man, I am incorrigible, and I'm way too hungry to settle for chick food."

There is no shortage of fast-food travesties by which to be astonished. Consider the Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger, weighing in at a heart-plugging 1,420 calories, 101 grams of fat and 2.4 grams of sodium. A ballpark in St. Louis offers a bacon-cheeseburger served on a Krispy Kreme doughnut (which doesn't sound half-bad, actually). The Southern California restaurant chain The Hat serves French fries in a paper grocery bag and a Pastrami Burger the size of a moose's head. It's the only place I know where meat is a condiment.

Compared to these offerings, the Famous Bowls (710 calories, with 29 grams of fat and 2 grams of sodium) are relatively healthy. And so what if it's all in one bowl? NASA used to serve astronauts Thanksgiving meals in a squeeze tube.

And yet I remain appalled—as well as a little woozy from all the salt. It's one thing to say Americans eat like pigs, it's another to give it the force of literalism. But that's just what the trough-like Famous Bowls do. If there were a Food Court at The Hague, the Colonel would be in big trouble.

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[saniflush 0]

I like them....Does that make it wrong?

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Absolutely not. This article was written by one of those light in the loafers, tofu eating Californians.

[saniflush 0]

Hint to everyone else...Ask for extra gravy! They never give enough gravy!

[bammanmr 0]

This article was written by one of those light in the loafers, tofu eating Californians.

249168[/snapback]

I was gonna say, what the f does some LA guy know about food. I'd lay 10:1 odds he's never had real mashed 'taters in his life.

[quietfan 233]

When it comes to diet, to each his own. Short of cannibalism, everyone should feel free to eat and enjoy whatever they like.

It's a personal decision best left to an individual and his stomach (...and his arteries, his cardiologist, and his heirs. )

[Jenny AU-92 0]

I must admit, I looked at the commercial and thought "Heart Attack in a Bowl"...

I wouldn't eat one.

[saniflush 0]

The media has got you all suckered into thinking that salad is good for you....Little do you know.

[Boonan 0]

The media has got you all suckered into thinking that salad is good for you....Little do you know.

249378[/snapback]

Oh, the ever-vicious salad lobby!

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Grown men have been taken down by a simple garden salad. They're not to be messed with.

[saniflush 0]

Grown men have been taken down by a simple garden salad. They're not to be messed with.

249391[/snapback]

They would have you believe that there is something wrong with red meat, and deep fried chicken and pork chops. Ingrates!

[Tigermike 3,026]

This article was written by one of those light in the loafers, tofu eating Californians.

249168[/snapback]

The media has got you all suckered into thinking that salad is good for you....Little do you know.

249378[/snapback]

What's that about tossed salad?

[saniflush 0]

You said that not me.

[otterinbham 0]

Speaking of fast food, has anybody seen the movie "Super Size Me?" I recommend it. I'm not a militant eater, believe me (Heck, I just went to Hardees for a steak biscuit this morning), but I've really slashed the amount of fast food I stuff down my maw. It was a great movie, and definitely not in the same vein as Michael Moore and the rest of the Aluminum Foil Hat Brigade.

[AURainman 6]

Would I recomend Super Size Me to anyone? Yes.

Do I believe any of the anti-McDonalds stuff they spew? No.

Its still good to watch.

Anyone who lives on fast-food is gonna get fat. I think everyone knows that.

[AUChizad 0]

Supersize Me didn't convince me of anything other than I was hungry, and that McDonald's looked really good.

I do think it's a half-truth hippie propaganda film on par with Michael Moore (or the New York Times).

1. The fact that three McDonalds meals a day is not the healthiest diet plan, is as groundbreaking as, say, some atheletes take easy Sociology classes.

2. He was previously a vegan, so the change of diet was even more extreme. Also, he worked out regularly, and during the filming of this movie he even drove short distances instead of walking, and usually ate his last meal of the day IN BED to minimize a possibility of working it off.

3. The two guys he interviews in the streets of New York that say they eat McDonald's every single day, and then show off their six pack abs, completely disprove his entire premise. When the filmmaker suggests that it is a direct cause of obesity, they say "Do some push ups." Also in the film is the guy that has eaten something like 5 Big Macs a day for something like 30+ years, yet is average weight at worst.

[AUloggerhead 2,229]

Grown men have been taken down by a simple garden salad. They're not to be messed with.

249391[/snapback]

OSHA will be coming out with new regulations regarding the safe carrying of salads while walking up & down stairs. All food courts in malls with multiple stories will be affected.

[rexbo 104]

When it comes to diet, to each his own.  Short of cannibalism, everyone should feel free to eat and enjoy whatever they like.

It's a personal decision best left to an individual and his stomach  (...and his arteries, his cardiologist, and his heirs.    )

249195[/snapback]

Agree, just don't claim the heart attack on your medical insurance and I have no problem. Eating McD's and KFC's everyday is akin to firebombing your house and then calling Allstate and asking them to build you a new one...

[big dude 0]

QUOTE(quietfan @ Jul 18 2006, 08:34 AM)

When it comes to diet, to each his own. Short of cannibalism, everyone should feel free to eat and enjoy whatever they like.

It's a personal decision best left to an individual and his stomach (...and his arteries, his cardiologist, and his heirs. )

Agree, just don't claim the heart attack on your medical insurance and I have no problem. Eating McD's and KFC's everyday is akin to firebombing your house and then calling Allstate and asking them to build you a new one...

That could possibly be the most absurd thing I've ever read. There are ALOT more variable that feed into the cause of heart attacks and heart disease. Only ONE of them is diet.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Grown men have been taken down by a simple garden salad. They're not to be messed with.

249391[/snapback]

OSHA will be coming out with new regulations regarding the safe carrying of salads while walking up & down stairs. All food courts in malls with multiple stories will be affected.

249826[/snapback]

Thank you, Logger! Someone finally caught it!

[Ranger12 46]

I must admit, I looked at the commercial and thought "Heart Attack in a Bowl"...

I wouldn't eat one.

249372[/snapback]

I'm with Jenny on this, but not because of the health reason. I just does not seem appetizing to me. When I eat chicken nuggets or fingers, if I have mashed potatoes with them, I am guilty of dunking my chicken in BBQ sauce and then in my mashed potatoes. However, for some reason, this KFC bowl just turns my stomach looking at all that thrown into a bowl. It probably tastes good, but I would have to get past the visual part of it first. Yes, I know what some of you will say, "this comes from a guy who used to eat MREs and also had to sample bugs in training".

[AUloggerhead 2,229]

Grown men have been taken down by a simple garden salad. They're not to be messed with.

249391[/snapback]

OSHA will be coming out with new regulations regarding the safe carrying of salads while walking up & down stairs. All food courts in malls with multiple stories will be affected.

249826[/snapback]

Thank you, Logger! Someone finally caught it!

250089[/snapback]

You're welcome. I hate having to explain my jokes, too.

[Jenny AU-92 0]

I have no freaking clue what you guys are talking about with salads and stairs...

[saniflush 0]

I have no freaking clue what you guys are talking about with salads and stairs...

250528[/snapback]

I just assumed it was a hit on OSHA and some of the idiot regulations they have.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Look, You two should really know this one.