little johnny jokes

[Guest auburn warrior]

little johnny walks into arbys and says i'd like an arbys melt, the baconator, steak house burger, quarter pounder and a coke for 5.95 the cashier replies the baconator is sold at wendys, the steakhouse burger is sold at burger king, and the quarter pounder is sold at mcdonalds, little johnny replies but the sign says any 5 items for 5.95, the cashier replies but thats only arbys not mcdonald's, burger king, or wendy's, little johnny then replies well you shouldn't say any items for 5.95

[White Tiger 0]

j/k

[doug3020 842]

little johnny walks into arbys and says i'd like an arbys melt, the baconator, steak house burger, quarter pounder and a coke for 5.95 the cashier replies the baconator is sold at wendys, the steakhouse burger is sold at burger king, and the quarter pounder is sold at mcdonalds, little johnny replies but the sign says any 5 items for 5.95, the cashier replies but thats only arbys not mcdonald's, burger king, or wendy's, little johnny then replies well you shouldn't say any items for 5.95

Since there's no emoticon for this, picture my hand in my arm pit and my elbow flapping up and down making fart noises. Boo...

[around4ever 4,139]

Study hard warrior.  You'll never make it as a joke writer or comedian.

Write that down on a sheet of paper and put it on your wall.

[White Tiger 0]

[WarEagle196 0]

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "cause he'd be screwed if he needed glasses."

[WarEagle196 0]

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil

(You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.)

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School ..

Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me, Mary Margaret, who created the universe?' When Mary Margaret

didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took

his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Mary

Margaret.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and

Savior?' But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came

to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!'

shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and

Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question....'What did Eve say to Adam after

she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up

and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll

break it in half!'

The nun fainted...........

[WarEagle196 0]

The Polite way to Pee

>

> During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

>

> "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

>

> Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

>

> The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite." 

>

> "What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

>

> Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

>

> "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

>

> And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

>

> "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to  introduce you to after dinner."

> 

>  The teacher fainted

[Guest auburn warrior]

[jsb29 0]

Little Johnny's preacher was planning on eating lunch with Johnny's family one Sunday.  Little Johnny was sitting on the porch when his baby brother came and pooped on the porch next to him.  About that time the preacher walked up, so the only thing Johnny had time to do was cover it up with his hat.  The preacher asked Johnny what he was hiding under his hat.  Little Johnny, quick thinker that he was, said "the fastest animal on earth."  The preacher then said that he wanted to see it. Johnny told him he couldn't remove the hat because the animal would get away.  In his infinite wisdom, the preacher told Little Johnny that he would "put one hand on each side, and when you lift the hat, I'll close my hands and catch him."  Little Johnny, knowing he had no other outs, agreed. The preacher counted 1.......2.......3. Little Johnny lifted his hat, and the preacher clapped his hands together.  Johnny said "see I told you he was fast, in fact he was so fast, he s%&^ on you and left."

[Guest auburn warrior]

little johnny would make a good tv show

[The Defiant 133]

I got a good Little Johnny Joke,

One day little Johnny was with his mother and dad and they were getting ready to see their friends new addition to the family.  Little Johnnys' mother grabs him up close and says " Now little Johnny you be extra polite when we go to see the baby, because when the baby was born it had no ears.  i don't want you to say anything about his ears in front of them"  Little Johnny agrees with his Mother and they get in the car and head out.

They had been at the house for a while and they went into the baby room  and little Johnny leans over the crib and peers at the baby.  The babies mother says " Little Johnny asks if the baby has good eye sight?"  The Mother says " Why yes Johnny the Doctor said he has 20/20 Vision"  Then Johnny says " Well that's good because he would be S.O.L If he ever needed glasses!"

[Holland's Fro 0]

This is my favorite little johnny joke:

So little johnny and little jerome are in 2nd grade and they were in class one day. The teacher asked little johnny how to spell "apple". He says "A-P-P-L-E", and she says "Good you get an A". She then asks little jerome how to spell "apple", and he says "A-P-P-L-E", and she says "Good you get a B". Little jerome goes home and complains to his dad about it and his dad responds "Dont worry son, its only because you're black".

The next day they take a test. Little johnny gets an A, and little jerome gets a B, even though he had the same answers as little johnny. So he goes home and complains to his dad about it, and his dad responds "Dont worry son, its only because you're black".

The next day, little johnny and little jerome are both peeing in separate stalls. Little jerome looks over the stall and begins to laugh uncontrollably and runs home to his dad. He tells his dad, "My wiener is WAAAY bigger than little johnny's! Is that because I'm black too?". And his dad responds, "No son, that's because your 14 and in the 2nd grade."

[aubman1 0]

Little Johnny's teacher, Sister. Martha, told the kids to go home and ask one of their parents what they do for a living.  When called upon, they were instructed to spell the occupation and tell what their parent's job duties were.

The next day in class Sister Martha told the students to raise their hands and she would call on a student to stand up, spell the occupation, and explain what their parents did for a living. Little Johnny had his hand up first, but Sister Martha called Amy to stand up and tell the class what her parent does for a living.  Amy stood up and said, "My mom is a nurse, N-U-R-S-E.  And she gives shots and takes people's temperature."

Sister Martha said very good Amy.  You may sit down.  Little Johnny's hand shot up first, but Sister Martha called on Paul.  Paul stood up and said, "My dad is a lawyer, L-A-W-Y-E-R.  My dad sues people who do bad things to other people."  Sr Martha said, very good Paul.  You may sit down.  Once again, Little Johnny's hand was first up, but she ignored him and called on Tyrone.  Tyrone stood up and said, "My dad is a carpenter, K-a-r, I mean C-A-R-T, I mean C-A-R-P-A.....Sr Martha said, that's ok Tyrone, sit down and work on it and we will come back to you. 

Sister Martha looked over the class and Little Johnny's hand was up and he was waving it wildly across the air.  Sister Martha took a deep breath and calmly said, "OK johnny, tell us what your parent does."  Little Johnny shot up and said, "My dad is a bookie, B-O-O-K-I-E, and he will give you ten to one odds that Tyrone can't spell carpenter!"