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Guest auburn warrior

By Guest auburn warrior
in Fun & Games

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Easybake Mentor

Easybake 0

Posted
Posted

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered

assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for

your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried

in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a

good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like

every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars

to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss

America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you

naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze

these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible

crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to

smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you

going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why

can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point

to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both

dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he

just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,

what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call

it a hemorrhoid when it's in your a$$?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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fourthvision Founding Father

fourthvision 0

Posted
Posted

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

====================================================================

guilty. :laugh:

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Easybake Mentor

Easybake 0

Posted
Posted

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

====================================================================

guilty. :laugh:

i got you!  :tease:

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macus23 Experienced

macus23 24

Posted
Posted

Japan is an "Empire", so the ruler of Japan is called the "Emperor".

Spain is a "Kingdom", so the ruler of Spain is called the "King".

So since England is a "Country", the queen should be called the " :-X"

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macus23 Experienced

macus23 24

Posted
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Why is it called the County "Fair" when every game you play there is rigged???

How young can you be and still die of old age???

In the age of political correctness, its no longer acceptable to use the term "redneck".  The proper term should be "Inbred American".  (or turd)

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kickemintheB31345162796 Collaborator

kickemintheB31345162796 0

Posted
Posted

A mushroom walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "We don't serve your type."  The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.  The bartender says, "Why do you have that steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"  The pirate says, "Arrgh.  It's driving me nuts."

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you."  The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?!"

A man walks into a bar and hears someone say, "Hey, you look great!"  He looks around but doesn't see anyone.  He hears the voice say, "Nice haircut."  So, he asks the bartender what's going on and the bartender says, "Oh, that's the peanuts.  They're complimentary."

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Hey, where's the bar tender?"

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"

A rabbi, a nun, a priest and an indian all walk into a bar.  The bartender says, "What is this?  Some kind of joke?"

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll take a...    beer."  The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"  The bear says, I've had them all my life."

Two cannibals are eating a clown and the first one turns to the second one and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?

Two cannibals decide to eat a tourist.  The first cannibal says, "You start at the feet and I'll start at the head and we'll meet in the middle."  So, after a while,the first cannibals asks, "How's it going?"  and the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball."  The first cannibal says, "Slow down!"

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Track_em Contributor

Track_em 0

Posted
Posted

A guy gets home from a long day at work and says to his wife, "Honey, will you get me a beer its about to start."

His wife obliges.

The man finishes his beer and asks again, "Get me another beer will you? Its about to start."

Slightly annoyed his wife grabs another beer for her hard working husband.

The man downs his beer and calls to his wife again, " Another beer please, its about to start."

Even more annoyed she grabs the beer and shouts at him, "What the hell is about to start I've been handing you beers since you got here!"

The man enjoys his beer as it starts. ;D

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  • 2 months later...
auburnman0716 Rising Star

auburnman0716 0

Posted
Posted

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered

assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for

your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried

in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a

good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like

every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars

to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss

America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you

naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze

these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible

crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to

smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you

going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why

can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point

to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both

dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he

just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,

what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call

it a hemorrhoid when it's in your a$$?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,

but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

of course you would trent

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