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How to speak Turdlish, a compilation...


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How to speak Turdlish, a compilation...

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Turdlish: language that describes interactions with the average Bammer fan.

Turdism: any of many parts of the Turdlish language that describes interactions with the average Bammer fan.

Juwan-a: Turdlish for "You want to." Ex. "Juwan-a go throw a brick through the HC's window?"

Juwan-a-mo: Turdlish for "You want anymore?" Ex. "Juwan-a-mo prepaid credit cards to give to that recruit from Mobile?"

Mari-juwan-a: In honor of a good kid getting his face bashed in with the over the top GOB network power play at work in his case. Seems the entire state smells coverup and special treatment with how miraculously his multiple charges are disappearing faster than a case of cheap beer at a Bama booster meeting.

West Vance/South Northport: For bammers that try and portray a small backwoods city in West Alabama as a culturally significant metro area.

Thugscaloosa: In honor of the city of Tuscaloosa's incredibly poor violent crime stats and the frequent Bama player arrests.

Turdscaloosa: "Flush twice, its a long way to Turdscaloosa."

Turdscaloser: In honor of Alabama's surprisingly poor record at home at BDS, very poor against rival Tennessee and amazingly poor against arch-rival Auburn. Ex. "Auburn is undefeated in Turdscaloser."

Tuberville-Denny Stadium, JH-West: In honor of Auburn's and Coach Tommy Tuberville's perfect record of domination in playing in T-Town.

The Insane Asylum, Inmates, etc: Auburnite referring to Alabama fans, students, grads honoring Bryce State Mental Hospital being connected to the Turdscaloser Campus.

Keeping it in the Family: this has three different meanings for bammers. (1)saying used to make sure money that changes hands does not become public information(2)saying used when hiring a new head coach(3)saying used when expanding a bammer's family unit

Butthead Britt: for unceremoniously head butting a Tuscaloosa policeman 2 years ago trying to arrest him for public intoxication. It is not known if he even got charged or even got team discipline for that.

Got 12....?: statement made by Turd fan acknowledging you are winning the current debate and on the field.

12 MNCs: Used by people outside of the Alabama fan base discussing the "Alabama's 12 Mythical National Championships." I could spend the next 30 minutes of your time showing you how this is not true, but suffice it to say Alabama is the only team in history to claim an "MNC" in multiple years in which they were soundly defeated by the real NC. They even claim an NC in a year with 3 losses and were ranked 20th in the AP poll.

Destiny: reference to a bama HC throwing away a $10M contract for a night of drunken entertainment with an ugly Stripper.

Slutwiler: The biggest girls dorm in T-Town.

The Morgue: second hand name for BDS since it resides next to a cemetery. Also about the dirth of fan noise when the Tide plays there.

Flipper, Sheila, etc: reference to CMS and his often Metrosexual appearance.

CMFS: literally Coach Mike F@#$%in' Shula, in honor of 3 years of the worst sideline potty mouth in the SEC!

Gilligan: CMFS again. refers to his "I AM TOTALLY LOST" looks he often gives and his slight build and knack for wearing just the right color red shirt.

Turdishun: Bama fans and their inability to move past 1982 when Bear died.

Paul Finebaum: say what you will but PF is making a fine living of repeating the same ole schtick year after year. All PF has to do is criticize a Bama HC, feed the delusion, etc and the Bammes call in and the ratings go up. Auburn fans seem to have figured the guy out and now steer clear of him for the most part. It is fun to listen once in a while just to remind yourself that you are not them....

WWBD:The most frequently asked question on the Paul Finebaum Show. Callers call in everyday and ask "What Would Bear Do?" everytime the football team appears to be even mere mortals. WWBD long ago replaced WWJD as the number one question in Bama fans lives.

Jim from Tuscaloosa: Most prodigious caller to PFS, sometime multiple calls a day. Jim's favorite phrases are: "That's not right Paul", and "WWBD?" Jim is the caller most in need of prozac, lithium, a trip to Bryce's. He is overly emotional, overly critical, over the top.

Among Jim's claims to Fame:

"I was a better ball player than Willy Mays."

"I played basketball with Joe Namath. Namath was a better basketball player than football player."

"I was addicted to gambling Paul." etc, etc, etc.

Jim, it seems, has done everything, been everywhere, and knows everybody.

Jim is said to be a practicing attorney in T-Town. Wonder why Juwan Simpson didnt hire him to defend him? Maybe because Simpson isnt that dumb.

Phyllis from Mulga: The sometimes painful to listen to Bammer caller to the PF show. Over the top is an understatement with Phyllis. She embodies exactly what most of the world see in most Bama fans. Uneducated, lives in a doublewide trailer, and all her self esteem is caught up in what happens to a bunch of 18-22 yearold kids in T-Town. She is quoted, audio linked, all over the Internet and now is part of the outside world's view of the Bama Nation. Her audio of "Leave them the hay-ull alone pee-pull!" gave Phyllis instant recognition in the sporting world from now on as it was linked, downloaded, and shared across the Internet.

Shane from Centerpoint: PF's brother-in-law and de facto ghost co-host of the PFS. Shane calls in with just a bit too much inisider info on whatever Paul is too squeamish to talk about. If the topic can get PF in trouble with the natives, you can bet Shane will call in and get it out there.

"Shanehead," "Full of Shane," "Shane for brains": Even the Turd fans enjoy the word play on Shane's name, and he seems to eat it up as well.

Bama's Shotgun Offense: refers to numerous gun related arrests in TurdTown dating all the way back to 1979-1981 era. There was a poster decades ago pointing it out even then.

Getting Rival-ed: when the bama homers running Rivals will suddenly lower your signee's ratings and raise the Alabama bound athlete's ratings. Funny how predictable these are from year to year. Ex. Carnell Williams was lowered two stars by Rivals the day he commited to Auburn.

"Itsa kin-spiracy I tell you!," or "Bama against the world!": refers to the Alabama fan mantra "If we aint winning, we are being cheated by the refs, the SEC, the NCAA, Phil Fulmer, the team that beat us, the world, etc."

Mullet Nation: refers to the toothless, chronically unemployed, redneck bama fans out there. They are so over the top because their entire self worth comes from a $5 dollar t-shirt they just bought of the clearance rack at the local gas station. These folks usually have no ties whatsoever to any university and, thank God, they pick "Alabammer" in droves. They picked Bama as a team to support just like they pick their nose. It was just "handy."

"The Quad"?: where Auburn beat Alabama for the first time in Turdscaloser.

Bama Class: refers to bama fans throwing bricks thru windows of Bama HCs, cursing their own players after a loss, (Roger Schultz), internet planning to vandalize rivals campuses after games, etc.

"...he's a Bear man" or "He's one of us": refers to players and coaches of Bear Bryant, almost all of which have been caught cheating during their careers by the NCAA. Wonder where they learned that? Just proves that the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

Albert Means: almost innocent bystander that was caught up in famed scandal out of Memphis. Received $150k worth of cash from...

Logan Young: Notorious Bammer Booster of great fame. Now that he is dead, the Bammers swear that he bought many players for the Tide over a thirty year period dating back well into the 70s. But was as innocent as the driven snow on Albert Means even though he was convicted in Federal Court on four charges. "It was all a kinspiracy to frame him and them." His death was a conspiracy too. Young died trying to not get sent back to prison for violating non-drinking parole agreement over money laundering charges for paying Albert Mean's Coach Lynn Lang.

Lynn Lang: greedy HC of Albert Means that ultimately did in the Tide football team for the decade of the 2000s by screwing his asst Milton Kirk out of the moeny he was promised for his part of illegal recruiting scam. Lang at one point had six different teams on a string trying to buy Means. Almost all turned him to the SEC.

Milton Kirk: 3rd most hated man in Tide booster meetings. Turned info over to Memphis Commercial Appeal that started the NCAA investigation and cost Alabama years of embarassment. Was the accomplice that didnt get his share of the dirty money supplied by Logan Young.

Coach Phil Fulmer, Phatlock, Phatman, The Great Pumpkin, etc.: is said to have organized the NCAA investigation that stripped UAT of 21 schollies and set them back years in recruiting and etc. The No 1 most hated man by the Bama Nation. Funny, but Fulmer isnt snart enough to figure out how to lose about 100 pounds but he is "the evil genius" in Bammer minds across the globe.

Roy Adams, TennStud: 2nd Most Hated Man in Alabama circles. made uncannily accurate posts on VolChat during the NCAA investigation that made the Bama Nation extremely mad at him. Is said to be in cahoots with Fulmer even though Fulmer openly curses and calls Adams a "queen" in public and on the Internet.

Red Elephants: Supposedly super secret handshake society that was supposedly organized by Bear Bryant. I personally think it was organized by Coach Xen Scott back in the early twenties. Reportedly leads the recruitment process for Alabama. This group is why every coach since Bryant has won at least ten games in one season. They keep the talent level so high that any coach, no matter how ill equipped, should win 10 games at Bama.

NCAA, NaziCAA: The single most hated organization by the Bammers.

4th and 19: The single play that cost them the 4-9 season back in 2003 if you listen to the Tide faithful.

Barn, Agbarn, AllBarn, AwBarn, Moooo Ageweeeee, etc: What a Bama fan that has never stepped foot on a college campus anywhere calls Auburn University.

Rammer-Jammer I: What Alabama fans sing when they win, before the game, in the toilet, as they make love, as they marry their sister, etc. Is a rub "your nose in it because we have no class" song that started sometime in the late eighties for bama fans. Many agree it is funny to hear then sing "we just beat the Hell outta you" after barely scraping by an opponent. See ISU Poulan-WeedEater Independence Bowl in 2001.

Rammer Jammer II: A song Auburn folks sing only in JH-West after their now as usual beating of the Tide on their own field.

History?: Another attempt to survive on accomplishments that happend over 25 years ago.

Bammers: Rhymes with "Rammer-Jammer,"and "going to the Slammer" etc. refers to 90%+ of the Alabama Fan base that has never even been to Turdscaloser and could not find it with a road map, directions, and all day to get there.

Heisman Trophy: What every single Bama qb, rb, and sometime even lineman recruits are going to win each and every year for the next four years after they sign with Bama. Funny, but for all the mind-numbing yearly multi-repetition of these claims, no Bama player has never won even one Heisman Trohy. BTW, It is a named after an Auburn Coach.

Delusion: It is every single year predicting a national championship even though no one with a sliver of intelligence thinks you will win. It is talking about a MNC after you lose three games. It is calling to a radio show and running wild scenario after wild scenario on how "the Tide" can win another MNC without somehow winning even the SEC West.

Wingnut: What the Turds call Coach Tommy Tuberville, in reference to his larger than the norm ears, as he continues to beat them in the Iron Bowl. With little hope in sight the Bammers have reverted to true form and name call anyone they cant beat EX. Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer above. He is presently at four in a row in wins and can tie the Auburn record of wins versus Alabama this year in Turdscaloser.

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