Donutboy 0 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 HOW TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN 1. You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity and budget surplus under Clinton was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but today's recession and budget deficits are all Clinton's fault. 2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. 3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time. 4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs. 5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun. 6. You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says. 7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor. 8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty. 9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still wouldn't vote for Al Sharpton. 10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit. 11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. 12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands. 13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio. 14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins. 15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out. 16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. 17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads. 18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MDM4AU 336 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 This (or something very close) was posted not too long ago and received a "good Dem" post just like it. Both are old and not funny anymore. Good try, though. Guess with Bush getting the Kudos and all this weekend (as far as Pres. '04 candidates go) someone had to try and post some liberal spewage, quick! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TitanTiger 20,519 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 I know, I know...funny and all. But allow me to skewer a few of these because after all, is it really funny when it's just a total farce, or mainly when there's at least a grain of truth to it? 1. You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity and budget surplus under Clinton was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but today's recession and budget deficits are all Clinton's fault. Something of a point here, but you have to ask yourself...how do you give Clinton a lot of credit for a recovery from the shortest recession in history that started 21 months before he took office and a downturn that started 9 months before he left? 4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs. Actually, this makes no sense. It's liberal trial lawyers that are pushing the smoking and fatty food lawsuits. A LOT of conservatives feel that any idiot who sues the companies who make cigarettes or double cheeseburgers pretty much forfeits the right to any amount of respect they once may have been owed. 8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty. Non-sequitur. Besides that, "loves" is probably too strong a word in connection with "death penalty". "Tolerates" would be fine, or if "loves" really floats your boat, try this: "God loves justice." 9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still wouldn't vote for Al Sharpton. Can you believe that society is color-blind (or at least would be if Jesse Jackson would quit screaming all the time) and still believe Al Sharpton is an imbicile even if he was purple with green and pink polka-dots? 17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads. Actually, these are among the things we EXPECT government to do and wish they'd learn to focus on them instead of the myriad projects they've unconstitutionally overtaken in the last 50 years or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKW 86 7,447 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time. I am against most goernement programs. I expect the option ot opt out of the worst investment program ever devised so that me and my family can actually not be held hostage to yet another horribly managed government program.....Just like US Government employees and Congressmen opt out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aucorner 0 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 some liberal spewage, quick! <cough>communist spewage<cough> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger in Spain 0 Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. I could ask Ted Kennedy the same thing 3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time. Aren't Republicans the ones that catch all the flak from you libs for cutting or dipping into the social security fund? 5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun. Actually, yes I do. I love my guns. 9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still wouldn't vote for Al Sharpton. Not too many democrats have voted for him or Jesse Jackson either. It's not because they're black. It because they're loudmouth idiots. Ask Condi Rice if being black hurt her opportunities. 11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. I believe that if little Ahmed or Apu can pray to Allah or Buddha without threats from the ACLU, little Billy should be able to pray to Jesus as well. 12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands. Oh yeah, I forgot. If Billy Clinton cheats, everyone cheats. BTW, what is the definition of sex again? 16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton. The Jesus I know hates no one, not even democrats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donutboy 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 This (or something very close) was posted not too long ago and received a "good Dem" post just like it. Both are old and not funny anymore. Good try, though. Guess with Bush getting the Kudos and all this weekend (as far as Pres. '04 candidates go) someone had to try and post some liberal spewage, quick! Come on guy. Grow a sense of humor. You think we haven't already heard the jokes of the day that you Repubs post? They're jokes. Don't take 'em so personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bammanmr 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 You must remember Donnutboy, when the pubs talk its fact, but when liberals speak, its 'sewage'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarTim 3,457 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Slick willy is a "man" with no honor and no character. The day he left office was one of the BRIGHTEST in recent history. Right is right and left is wrong. WAR EAGLE ! ! ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aucorner 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 You must remember Donnutboy, when the pubs talk its fact, but when liberals speak, its 'sewage'. it is because we are all elitist pigs who want to provide for our children's future and not give away what we earn to the people that are so-called less priviledged....... always remember.....capitalism is what made us great and will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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