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#BamaHateWeek (Bama Jokes)


caleb1633
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Don't be drinking anything hot...

 

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What are the four best years of a Tide fan's life?

Third grade.

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A friend and I were travelling through Tuscaloosa when a guy threatened to get his Dad, Uncle and Brother to beat us up.

We were relieved when we found out they were all the same person.
Edited by ToraGirl
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What’s the nicest thing to say after a break up with a girl from Tuscaloosa?

I hope we can still be cousins. 
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Two Bama fans were in a bar one night bragging about their latest accomplishment. The bartender noticed the two guys bragging to the women and curiosity got the best of him. "What's the good news?" he asked.

One of the men turned to the bartender and proudly said "Me and Bama Bob just put a puzzle together and it took us a year!"

"A year?" the bartender asked, "You guys are proud of that?"

"Hell yes!" said Bama Bob, "The box said up to four years!"

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Edited by ToraGirl
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Auburn intern and Bama intern working with the same company one summer. Both needed to take care of restroom business one morning and in adjacent toilet stalls.

Bama intern: Hey man, no toilet tissue over here. Can you slide some to me under the partition?

Auburn Intern: Just noticed none here either.

Bama Intern: What do we do?

Auburn Intern: After careful thought replies, hey, use three or four dollars.

Auburn intern is at the the sink washing his hands when the Bammer comes out of the stall with horribly disgusting soiled and stinking hands.

Auburn Intern: What is your problem fellow. Told you to use three or four dollars.

Bama intern: All I had was $1.79.  Six quarters, two dimes, a nickel, and four cents.

 

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An Auburn fan goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

The Auburn fan says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"

The Auburn fan says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

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An Alabama fan thought that it was about time that he settled down.

So he went to his father and asked him "Dad, what should I look for in a wife."

His father shrugged, "It's all relative."
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Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Alabama library?

Thirty students were stuck on the escalator.

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A student went to Alabama on a football scholarship. He was a great running back, but a poor student.
At graduation, he didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Bubba could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.
The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only.
The dean was on the stage and told him to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, "Sir, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." He said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. "Sir," he said, "How much is three times seven?"
He looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question. The Alabama students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"
Then he held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. He said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."
A hush fell over the auditorium and the Alabama students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

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The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the Univ. Of Alabama and I need some help. If I were to give you 20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

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3 little people decide to set a Guiness world record. The first says “I have the smallest hands.” The second says “I have the smallest feet.” The third says, “I have the smallest brain.” (It’s a family website...but you can substitute here.)

Each little person meets with the record keeper.
 

The first Says,  “It’s official. I have the smallest hands in the world!”

The second little person says “It’s official. I have the smallest feet in the world!”

The third little person meets with the record keeper and looks dejected. “What’s wrong?” His brothers ask, “Don’t you have the smallest brain in the world?” 
 

The third little person says, “Who the h— is this Nick Saban guy?”

 

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Little Johnny grows up in Bama family.
One day he tells his father,"Dad, I'm gonna be an AU fan." BAM! Dad slaps his head. Tells him to go tell his mother what he told him.
Johnny tells mother,"I'm gonna be an AU fan." BAM! Mother slaps his head. Tells him to to go tell his brother what he told her.
Johnny tells his brother"I'm gonna be an AU fan." BAM! Brother slaps his head and says"Lets get the family together to discuss what you have done."
The family gathers and father asks "Well, Johnny I hope you've learned your lesson today." 
Johnny says, "Yessir I sure have. I've only been an Auburn fan 30 minutes and I hate you Alabama bastards already."

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