LegalEagle 22 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Have him wear a clown suit. Your clients will think it's all an act - he'll be all the rave at hole 19! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigermike 3,054 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Dear TEED OFF, You are playing golf, after you wash his balls for him, you do the honors and tee it up for him. When you do, tee up an exploding ball. Dressed in the clown suit, it will go over great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrnfanatc 6 Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 Teed Off, Before including your husband in another round with your clients, attach a remote activated shock collar to his jewels. If he does screw up and start a tantrum, the spectacle of watching him hop around after you pull the trigger should win you a client for sure. Abbs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keoson7 28 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Dear Teed Off, It sounds like your hubby is buying a few too many adult beverages from the cart girl. Send him to rehab and psychiatiric counseling , and by all means, make him take some Golf lessons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger in Spain 0 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 Have him wear a clown suit. Your clients will think it's all an act - he'll be all the rave at hole 19! 243297[/snapback] Legal takes this one. BTW, I would like to add that I am as gentlemanly on the golf course as I am in real life. I mean who among us (those that are golfers) have never cursed a wicked slice once or twice? Personally, I think the poor guy's wife is being a drama queen. Dear Abby: One of my best friends, "Patty," just became engaged. Patty was one of my bridesmaids and even acted as my unofficial maid of honor. She loaned me a small amount of money, which I haven't been able to pay back yet. Patty called me the other day. When we spoke, she mentioned the money and asked when I would repay the loan. Then, she told me her mother is having reservations about me being a bridesmaid. She said her mom wanted to make sure I knew they couldn't afford to pay for my dress. The thing is, I already knew I'd have to pay for it. I'm the only bridesmaid she has said that to, and I feel insulted. I was already planning on buying my own dress. My husband now refuses to go to the wedding, and I'm having doubts about even being in it. The wedding is scheduled for next year, so I can't blame it on pre-wedding jitters. What should I do? Should I suck up my pride, or should I refuse to be a bridesmaid? - Almost-Broke Bridesmaid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keoson7 28 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 First, you should get a second(or first) job and pay your friend back. Sometimes people help friends, even when they can't afford too. Or perhaps your husband should pay her back. He sounds like a real psycho, God forbid you pay back a loan? Her mother is just letting you freeloaders know, your friend didn't have you to raise. While you're at it, get all of her clothes you've borrowed over the years out of your closet and give them back. With friends like you, who needs enemies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saniflush 0 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Dear BrokeBack Bridesmaid, Maybe if you concentrated on repaying the loan it wouldn't be an issue....Let me guess you haven't even attempted to pay part of it back? At least that would show some want to do right instead of looking like the freeloader you obviously are. As for your husband, he's a man. He didn't even want to go to his own wedding. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrnfanatc 6 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Dear Almost Broke, Can I borrow $50...nah, just kidding. I am completely flabbergasted that they would even mention who would pay for the dress. You have made it quite obvious who will ultimately pay for it by not even attempting to pay back money you had earlier purloined from them in the first place. Take the money they "loaned" you and buy your husband some counseling. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigermike 3,054 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Dear Almost-Broke, Many people have been there, done that Almost-Broke thing. But most do something about it. Like work a 2nd or 3rd job. If I may be bold, if you and your husband were to work an extra job, then you might not be Almost-Broke. You would be Almost Solvent. You would be Almost a good friend to Patty and pay her back. You would be Almost a good citizen. If you and your insulted husband were to both work an extra job you wouldn't have time to be writing a stupid, whinny letter to me. Pay your debt to your friend! Pay off all your maxed out credit cards! Pay your utility bills on time! Pay your loans on time! In fact tear the credit cards up, you are too stupid to have them anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCTAU 3,346 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Dear Almost-Broke, In an age where friendship is really hard to keep, you have proven once again that when its your turn to step up, you suck. You should be excited that your friend still considers you a friend after YOU not treating her with the same respect. As long as you are in her debt, whatever she decides to include you in is her choice. Her mother probably has a few good friends who owe her nothing. She knows a degenerate individual when she sees one. And in you, she sees a real live no-go-getter. Your husband was not the focus of the invitation. He is only there to support you. Whether he goes or not is your issue, not your "friends." Go ahead and RSVP that you cannot afford to attend until you are all payed up. Then get off your lazy ass and pay up. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger in Spain 0 Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 abrnfanatc & Tigermike get the nod. Today's gem: DEAR ABBY: I am being married this summer to my fiancee of five years, "Beth." I had always assumed that my brother, "Mike," who is also my best friend, would be my best man. Mike is gay.When I asked him, I was stunned at his response. Mike said he loves me and Beth, but refuses to be part of a ceremony celebrating something for which he is discriminated against emotionally, financially and socially. He refuses even to attend. Now that I have been forced to confront this issue, I realize my brother is right. Beth thinks he should "get over it," and he needs to accept that it's just "the way things are in the world." As hurt as I am, I can't hold against my brother his refusal to participate in what he refers to as a "reminder that he is considered a second-class citizen without the same civil rights" as I have. How can I handle this without turning it into something that could overshadow what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life? -- DISAPPOINTED IN WESTLAKE, OHIO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keoson7 28 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dear Disappointed, It sounds like your brother is a real selfish person. It's best that you either find a real best MAN, Or just cancel the wedding altogether. Because chances are, Beth will take you to the cleaners, as soon as she ain't happy any more. So save your self now and send Beth packing, You'll be glad you did. Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LegalEagle 22 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dear Disappointed: Drop your brother off at a biker bar. They'll kill him. The funeral will be over in no time, and it will be clear sailing for the wedding. If you start feeling bad about your brother not being at your wedding, just remember, he wasn't coming anyway! Be fruitful (not "fruity") and multiply. [Notice: Please do not send anti-gaybashing notes to me. The fruitcake should have "sucked it up" and gone to his brother's wedding without being such a "pain in the butt."] ABNER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCTAU 3,346 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dear Disappointed, There is nothing worse than a militant gay. Nothing matters to them except themselves. Your concern for him just shows that you have the capacity to care for him no matter what. But he has no concern for you. Typical of militant pole smokers. Get somebody who's favorite Saturday morning cartoon is not Captain Rump Ranger to be your best man. Use your dad. It's obvious he has at least been with a woman. And if he does shoe up, make sure he doesn't bring a humdred friends to all march around outside with littel silk shorts on(whew! It's getting hot in here) protesting the fact that they can't "marry."(paintball guns work well in this scenario) Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abrnfanatc 6 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dear Disappointed, If you are truly worried about your brother's feelings, tell him he can wear a dress if he likes. If he cared at all for you, he would suck it up (no pun intended) and do the best man thing anyway. Abbs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKW 86 7,441 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dear Disappointed:Drop your brother off at a biker bar. They'll kill him. The funeral will be over in no time, and it will be clear sailing for the wedding. If you start feeling bad about your brother not being at your wedding, just remember, he wasn't coming anyway! Be fruitful (not "fruity") and multiply. [Notice: Please do not send anti-gaybashing notes to me. The fruitcake should have "sucked it up" and gone to his brother's wedding without being such a "pain in the butt."] ABNER 243783[/snapback] Abner wins the "How I Really Feel" Award from me today. Your self expression, whether I agree or not is refreshing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigermike 3,054 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dear DISAPPOINTED, Look on the bright side. Even if he will not attend the wedding, he may still be the planner and decorator. Also since he is a butt pirate, more than likely you will never end up on the Jerry Springer Show because he has been in the bushes with Beth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCTAU 3,346 Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Hey, Abby. Where are you? We are ready with more pearls of wisdom.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiger in Spain 0 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Share Posted June 30, 2006 I've been juggling about 20 chainsaws and 30 cats here the past few days. LE wins the last round. DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter, "Liza," is going through a divorce that has turned ugly, with her soon-to-be ex, "Dick," choking and threatening to kill her.The problem is, my oldest daughter, "Mimi," has remained in contact with Dick. She claims she doesn't want her children "to suffer the loss of an uncle they really love." Mimi had promised Liza she would no longer speak to Dick, but when Liza went to her former home to pick up some personal items, she saw on the caller ID that Mimi had been calling there several times a week. Liza is devastated and feels Mimi has betrayed her. When she called Mimi to discuss it, Mimi refused. Liza then announced that she would never speak to Mimi again. I feel that Mimi did betray Liza, but I had hoped there would be further communication. Mimi is now avoiding me. There have been other sticky situations in the past when Mimi has deprived family members -- including me -- from seeing her children as a means of punishment. I am at a loss. I feel supportive of Liza because I know she really needs me and is being subjected to problems of all kinds from all sides. -- HEARTBROKEN MOTHER IN OHIO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keoson7 28 Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Dear heartbroken mother, It appears that you have a case of Dick, slapping and choking Liza, while her sister is wanting to be choked and slapped by Dick. The old uncle Dick excuse may make Mimi feel better about herself, but I can plainly see that she wants Dick. I'm sure it must be very hard on you, knowing all the problems Dick is causing. It's just a matter of time before Dick is choking and slapping Mimi, Who knows, she might like it? ann That was a hard one......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lukeduke 8 Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Dear mother, This is a sticky situation as it usually is when choking and Dick are involved. The best thing would be for Liza to choke Mimi about her visits to Dick, but this probably wouldn't wake Mimi up. Mimi is obviously visiting Dick for something other than the kids having their uncle around. Presumably, your little Mimi is a freak who likes to be slapped around by Dick. In my experience, if your daughter likes to be choked by Dick, there's not much you can really do about it other than let Liza know that she'll have to get over it. Either that or see if one of Mimi's ex boyfriends will choke her, so Mimi sees how it feels. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny AU-92 0 Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Dear Stupid, Dick isn't your ex-son-in-law. Dick is doing Mimi. Might as well be nice to him because he is gonna be around for a while. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GalensGhost 0 Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Dear loser, Some great girls you've raised. Eliza is getting choked by Dick. Mimi loves Dick so much, she sneaks around her sister to get her some. Maybe she'd like to be choked by Dick, too. Looks like you've really got to take this problem by the throat. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCTAU 3,346 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Dear Mom, DICK? Need I say more? Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKW 86 7,441 Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I am so glad this thread didnt turn dirty.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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