What would you say if you were an advice columnist

[CCTAU 3,346]

Is it over?

I was having so much fun.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

No, I took some vacation days and am just getting back into the swing of things. I have 4 evaluations to catch up on, then it's back on.

[saniflush 0]

Evals?????? You got folks on here with skilzz and you are gonna do them yourself....You ought to post them and let us fill them out for you.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Evals??????  You got folks on here with skilzz and you are gonna do them yourself....You ought to post them and let us fill them out for you.

241967[/snapback]

What can I say, I am a glutton for punishment. 2 of these would have been right up you guys alley! These guys were a challenge. I had quite the job of turd polishing. I'm proud to say that I finished them all up this morning.

Game on

Dear Abby: Most of us appreciate the joy of a new parent showing off snapshots for the first few months of a child's life. But enough, already!

My co-worker's first child will be 1 year old next week. Every single week he walks around the office, fresh pictures in hand, stopping at desks up and down the room.

We understand his pride, but our forced grins are getting old. Can you, maybe, send a message to new parents out there to let it rest after the first few months? How about posting a Web site that people can visit at their leisure? I don't want to be cruel, but I don't want to be trapped into dutifully "oooing" and "aaahhing," either. Help! – Baby O.D.

[saniflush 0]

"DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE ."

*Remmbered this is a family board(most of the time). I abstain

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear ooh-aah-eeh-aah-aah,

Just tell them that they should put new pics up in their workspace and everyone can visit and look at their leisure. If they continue, tell them they are ruining your bonus for the year. Unless, of course, they are the boss. In that case, ooh and aah and live with it.

Abby

[abrnfanatc 6]

Dear OD,

The next time your co-worker brings over new pictures, tell him the kid is the ugliest you have ever seen. You will never be bothered by the proud parent again I guarantee, with the exception of the EOC suit that is.

Abby

[Tigermike 3,054]

Dear O.D.,

When your Buddy shows up with new pictures, roll your eyes, get a shocked look on your face and say "Dude, your son is starting to look just like your wife, and he was so pretty as a baby."

[saniflush 0]

Dear OD,

"Damn the kid does look like me!" That should solve the picture problem.

Abby

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Dear OD,

The next time your co-worker brings over new pictures, tell him the kid is the ugliest you have ever seen.  You will never be bothered by the proud parent again I guarantee, with the exception of the EOC suit that is.

Abby

242273[/snapback]

We have a winner! I envisioned OD having a can of cream of mushroom or split pea soup handy so when he saw this person heading towards the desk with pictures in hand, he takes a quick mouthful and does the "gag and vomit" routine at the sight of (and all over) the new pictures.

Dear Abby: How should I tactfully suggest to my husband that we need marriage counseling? I don't want to provoke an argument.

We have just grown so far apart, and it's only been eight years. Everything is so negative, and I'm afraid I don't like him anymore. – Feeling Alone

[keoson7 28]

Dear Feeling.

The seven year itch is a year overdue, Counseling will never help a heartless wench like you. Your mind is already made up. I hope for his sake your hubby has started to accumulate his own secret cash stash, Divorce is costly. Move out and start seeing that someone you have been fantasizing about, in a few months he'll dump you like you deserve.

Ann

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Feeling.

  The seven year itch is a year overdue, Counseling will never help a heartless wench like you. Your mind is already made up. I hope for his sake your hubby has started to accumulate his own secret cash stash, Divorce is costly. Move out and start seeing that someone you have been fantasizing about, in a few months he'll dump you like you deserve.

                                            Ann

242525[/snapback]

Dude,

I'm not even sure if I could come up with something this bitter. Sounds like you are familiar with this scenario.

Dear feeling,

If you don't do anything, you will regret it and become bitter (see above). Do yourself and your spouse a favor and discuss it. He probably feels the same way. Guys can go for years with the white elephant in the room and never acknowledge it. Then one day, they just shoot it. Call before the shot.

Abby

[Tigermike 3,054]

Dear Alone,

If it's been eight years you need a little diversion. Call me my # is BR 549.

Abby's son.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Dear Alone, 

If it's been eight years you need a little diversion.  Call me my # is BR 549.

Abby's son.

242747[/snapback]

Awesome!

Dear Abby: We recently moved and would like to meet more of our new neighbors by inviting them for wine and cheese.

However, many of the nearby residents are young parents with small children, and I do not relish merlot and brie spilled onto our new white carpets by visiting toddlers.

Can you suggest a firm but polite way to say, "Please come, but leave the kids at home"? Help! – Florida Reader

[keoson7 28]

Dear Florida,

Just say it,"you hate kids". Why would the kids have a glass of wine? I think you have had a few too many glasses of wine yourself. Send the kids out back to play by that gator infested canal, they won't be a problem for long. Drink up WINO!

Ann

[SupperClub 0]

Dear Florida,

What makes you think your new neighbors want to come over to your wine and cheezy party? I'm sure they already have a bitter enough taste in their mouths when they realized their property value dropped by 10% as soon as your 1974 Nova pulled into your driveway.

If by some miracle (or out of sympathy) they do accept your invitation, please remember: Boones Farm Strawberry Hill and Velveeta are not acceptable.

Abby

[Jenny AU-92 0]

Dear Pretentious,

If you don't want the kids to come, then offer to hire a babysitter. Why should these parents have to fork out the big bucks for a sitter just so they can come over and ooh and ahh over your tacky white carpets. Who the hell buys WHITE carpet?

Besides, if you are planning on serving merlot with Brie, anyone with half a brain wouldn't spend money on a babysitter to spend time with a wannabe wine snob like yourself. EVERYONE who's anyone knows that merlot is too light for paring with a soft but flavorful cheese like brie. A Cabernet or red zinfindel is a much more appropriate choice. Current trends even suggest a Chardonnay can be a nice paring for summertime in hot weather states.

But never merlot.

Philistine.

Abby.

[saniflush 0]

Dear Florida,

I wouldn't worry about your carpets......I hear wine in a box comes right out when spilled.

Abby

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear FLawda,

Three words. Bar B Q. Rent one of those inflatable jumpy things and cook up some good barbeque with beer. You might want to throw one of those "why bother" veggie burgers on the grill for you and your significant other. Then sit back and enjoy life as it was meant to be, outdoors with no pretensions.

Abby

[LegalEagle 22]

Dear Florida,

I suppose you lack the menial sense to say, "My husband and I would like to meet you and your husband as well as some of the other couples in the neighborhood; would you be available to visit us Friday night around 7 o'clock for some wine and cheese?"

Leave off the, "Why visit third world countries when we can just have you over?" Also don't say, "I'll bet you've never seen a cork that wasn't on a fishing line, have you?" Leave off, "Did you know you could eat cheese as well as use it for rat bait?"

BTW, when did Boonesfarm start making a merlot? (Remembering all the trips to Columbus, GA to by Boonesfarm.)

[DKW 86 7,441]

Dear Pretentious,

Who the hell buys WHITE carpet? 

Besides, if you are planning on serving merlot with Brie, anyone with half a brain wouldn't spend money on a babysitter to spend time with a wannabe wine snob like yourself.  EVERYONE who's anyone knows that merlot is too light for paring with a soft but flavorful cheese like brie.  A Cabernet or red zinfindel is a much more appropriate choice.  Current trends even suggest a Chardonnay can be a nice paring for summertime in hot weather states.

But never merlot.

Philistine.

Abby.

242867[/snapback]

I have $100 says this "whine and cheese" snob owns a leased out the rear BMW or Lexus SUV, cannot breathe writing the mortgage check, and is head over heels in debt.

[Tigermike 3,054]

Dear Florida Reader,

Just ask your neighbors to bring the Spam since it goes well with merlot with Brie. Just add a PS to the invitation and instruct them to leave the kids at home. They will get the hint that you only want to get them in the hot tub.

[bammanmr 0]

Dear Pretentious,

Who the hell buys WHITE carpet? 

Besides, if you are planning on serving merlot with Brie, anyone with half a brain wouldn't spend money on a babysitter to spend time with a wannabe wine snob like yourself.  EVERYONE who's anyone knows that merlot is too light for paring with a soft but flavorful cheese like brie.  A Cabernet or red zinfindel is a much more appropriate choice.  Current trends even suggest a Chardonnay can be a nice paring for summertime in hot weather states.

But never merlot.

Philistine.

Abby.

242867[/snapback]

I have $100 says this "whine and cheese" snob owns a leased out the rear BMW or Lexus SUV, cannot breathe writing the mortgage check, and is head over heels in debt.

242932[/snapback]

...and is more than likely from Jersey or Philly.

Jenny gets my vote on this one.

[DKW 86 7,441]

Dear Pretentious,

Who the hell buys WHITE carpet? 

Besides, if you are planning on serving merlot with Brie, anyone with half a brain wouldn't spend money on a babysitter to spend time with a wannabe wine snob like yourself.  EVERYONE who's anyone knows that merlot is too light for paring with a soft but flavorful cheese like brie.  A Cabernet or red zinfindel is a much more appropriate choice.  Current trends even suggest a Chardonnay can be a nice paring for summertime in hot weather states.

But never merlot.

Philistine.

Abby.

242867[/snapback]

I have $100 says this "whine and cheese" snob owns a leased out the rear BMW or Lexus SUV, cannot breathe writing the mortgage check, and is head over heels in debt.

242932[/snapback]

...and is more than likely from Jersey or Philly.

Jenny gets my vote on this one.

242977[/snapback]

No, they live South of Airport Road in Huntsville and have a second condo in FL. I could show you 20k of these people in South Huntsville. Lived there for years and went to UAH. These folks are freakin everywhere in South Huntsville. Somewhere there is a thread about South Huntsville Barbie and Enginerd Ken. "They are so in debt they cant buy a personality. They drive German cars because Japanese or American is just blasse'. They have motrgaged their lives on keeping up the Joneses that also have no personality. He smokes cigars he doesnt like. She buys clothes she hates. They spend every waking moment working so they can buy something at the Mall or in the gym working out. They are so tired keeping up with the Joneses that they they havent had sex in a year."

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Jenny!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I enjoy playing golf. I am in sales, so I have the opportunity to invite clients to play golf. When I include my husband in these events, it can become very uncomfortable. If his round is not going well, he becomes upset, curses loudly and slams his club to the ground. It is extremely embarrassing to me, and I'm sure it makes my clients uncomfortable.

I'm hesitant to say anything to my husband about his behavior because I have to imagine that he isn't happy with himself when he acts that way, either. I'm considering not including him in future rounds that involve clients, but don't really like that alternative. What would you suggest? -- TEED OFF IN HOUSTON

I think my wife wrote this one!