What would you say if you were an advice columnist

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and the mother of a 10-year-old daughter, "Savannah," who is in the fourth grade.

Savannah claims that I am smothering her. She is not allowed to have sleepovers, and she may not attend any of the co-ed parties her friends throw. No sugar is allowed in our house unless it is a special occasion like a birthday. Whenever she goes to a friend's house, I call every hour to see how she is doing.

In the kitchen, Savannah is not allowed to use the stove, the oven, the blender, or any other appliance unless I am there to supervise.

My daughter attends an all-girls school because I don't want her exposed to some of the things boys do when they are her age. Savannah is not allowed to wear makeup, and I shop for her. Every morning, before she leaves home, she must come to me so I can monitor what she is wearing.

Abby, I love my daughter very much, and I only want what is best for her. Do you think I am smothering her? -- GOOD MOM IN HOUSTON

[keoson7 28]

Dear Good Mom,

You need to get a life, before your smothered daughter takes hers, to escape you. You need serious psychiatric help immediately.

Abbs.

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Mommy Dearest,

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS! Actually many parents have the same fears that you have, but we tend to let our children THINK they have more freedom than they really do. Its called raising a child, not a dog. As parents there are many things you do not want your child exposed to, but eventually they will have to encounter them. So what to do? Meet the stituation half way, NOT THE CHILD. The child should never make or manipulate the decision. Maybe she should be allowed to attend co-ed parties but in a manner such that she has to be picked up early. As far as monitoring clothes, absolutely. Teh use of appliances should be allowed according to the training you have provided. If you stink at teaching, then continue the supervision. If you have done a good job, then just require notification. When your child is at someone else's home, call less and call discreetly. Explain to the other parent that you are have a hard time letting go. Every hour on the hour is a little much. If you child has an issue with sugar, then by all means, regulate the sugar. If not, then allow some treats. This doesn't mean fill the house up with zingers. Just a few things. 10 may be too young for makeup. Wait till puberty is in full bloom, then cover the zits. Eventually your child will need to know the proper way to deal with the opposite sex. Allow her to be involved in functions that include both. Church is a good place to start. Parenting is not always being the jailer. But it is not being you childs friend either. Parents must grow as children do. So allow yourself a little growth.

Abby

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman who has entered the workforce for the first time. I work at a large company that employs very few women. Abby, I am a very average girl who has never been the center of attention, but here at work it's a different story. Here, I get treated like a supermodel.

People fawn over me, ask me personal questions, ask me out and just want to be my friend. It's hard to get work done with so many men coming by every day, and it's embarrassing for me.

I have tried to be cold to some of them to get them to stop coming by, but it doesn't work. How can I discourage random people from coming by just to say "Hi" and have a conversation all the time? They don't start conversations with all the men who sit near me, so why should they start one with me? It's making me want to leave the company and never come back. -- PLAIN JANE IN TEXAS

[keoson7 28]

Dear Jane,

Use this attention to advance your career, I bet you feel like Nick $aban at the Tuscaloser Airport, You might think you're plain, but the depraved coworkers think differently. Good luck, when it gets too bad, a big fat sexual harassment suit settlement, will help ease the pain.

abbs

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Plain Jane,

Use this opportunity to sleep with every guy in the office. The experience you get will no doubt blow your future husband away.

Abby

P.S. Pun intended.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I spent a long weekend at a hotel with a number of other friends and acquaintances. I found out later that he had allowed one of his male friends to use our room for a tryst with someone else's wife.

Should I continue to trust a man who would aid and abet another couple in committing adultery? -- WONDERING IN MOBILE, ALA.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: I am in dire need of your help. I have four brothers and one sister. My oldest brother stays with his girlfriend. My sister stays out of town. My second-oldest brother goes to college during the week and comes home on weekends. This leaves me, my third-oldest brother and my little brother at home.

We have certain chores that have to be done when we get home from school, and they must be completed before Mom comes home. The problem is, my third-oldest brother goes up the street and my little brother goes somewhere else, leaving me at home to do all the work.

When Mom gets home and the work isn't done, she blames me, even though there are two more people here that could have helped me. Abby, please tell my mother that if three people are meant to do chores, she shouldn't blame just me! -- MAD AND CONFUSED SISTER, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

[keoson7 28]

Dera mad,

Sorry your brothers are so lazy, your mother is making some fine lazy men out of them. When you get old enough move out.

Abbs

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: "Jake" and I have been together for five years. He finally proposed last summer. Well, I made a mistake and complained about the ring he'd bought. He took it back, but still agreed to marry me -- without the ring.

I have apologized to Jake every day since for what I said, but we are now split up. (We still talk and see each other once or twice a week.)

Abby, Jake refuses to forgive me and make up. I spend all my time alone while he goes hunting with his friends or out drinking with them. I'm tired of not being forgiven. I know what I did was wrong. How long can you say, "I'm sorry"? -- BROKENHEARTED IN ALABAMA

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Homely,

If you die before you wake, who'll feed Jake?

Your answer should be, "Who cares?

Move on.

Abby

[keoson7 28]

Dear money grubber,

Can't you see Jake was testing you with the phony undersized cz. You failed, because you are a greedy gold diggin' Ho. Jake is much happier without the burden of your selfish ways. Good luck being an Old Maid

Abbs.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I retired several years ago and moved back to Scandinavia, where we spend most of the year. We live on a fixed income.

A number of people have contacted us either asking to visit or have a family friend visit us to show them around the country. Abby, the cost of gasoline reached the equivalent of $7.50 a gallon last summer, plus the cost of road tolls and ferries makes it quite expensive.

How do we let people know that we can't afford to just drive them around, plus offer them food and lodgings in our home? -- JUST CALL ME JOHN

[keoson7 28]

Dear John,

It's quite simple. Tell them they are more than welcome to come, but need to rent their own car, and bring their own groceries. If they wait for you to show up to get them, they didn't get the message. Tell them You didn't retire to become a tour guide.

Abbs.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: I need to know if I'm being unreasonable. A few nights ago -- around 3 or 4 in the morning -- my husband got into bed and woke me to have sex. I had only been asleep for a few hours. He knows I have to get up for work by 7 a.m. It's not the first time this has happened. When I tell him I need my sleep, he gets mad and says I'm rejecting him. Then he gives me the silent treatment.

Abby, I have never been a morning person and have always needed my sleep. This is a recurring problem that affects other parts of our relationship. My husband and I have been married 15 years and have quarreled continuously over his "nocturnal needs." I should add that he is unemployed and can sleep any time he wants.

How do you suggest I get my hubby to be more considerate without hurting his feelings? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN THE MIDWEST

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Zombie,

Don't even get me started on this one. No work, no play. Good night.

Abby

[Tiger in Spain 0]

I was divorced and recently got married for the second time, so I am not unaware of how the in-law relationship is supposed to work. The problem is that my new mother-in-law thinks she knows everything and always has to be right.

If something is mentioned at a family function, she always has her two cents to put in, and if the story is not exactly the way she sees it, she corrects whoever is talking. I dread going to family functions.

I have never been confrontational, but now find myself constantly on guard. I am even beginning to feel good when I prove her wrong! What can I do? I have spoken to my husband about it, and he just says, "When is my mother going to learn?" That's all the input I get from him.

She literally is the mother-in-law from "Everybody Loves Raymond." Please help. — At a Loss for Words

[keoson7 28]

Dear at a loss,

Just make it a point to not talk to her. Unless you have such a big mouth you can't help yourself. Otherwise quit whining and accept her as a know it all.

Abbs

[Tiger in Spain 0]

DEAR ABBY: For five years I have exchanged letters with a wonderful pen pal. We are both females in our early 60s and have a lot in common. We trade recipes, bookmarks, etc. Reading her letters has been a delightful experience.

Recently she got her letters mixed up, and I got one that was meant for a close friend of hers. When I read it, I realized her life is not at all how she has described it to me! Do pen pals lie because their chances of being found out are slim?

I now realize our relationship is based on lies. Why would she deceive me? -- DECEIVED AND ANGRY IN QUEBEC

[abrnfanatc 6]

Dear Deceived,

You really should forget the pen pal thing and just join an internet forum. Those people never lie.

Abbs

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Old pissed-off fench canadian,

People like to have a few fantasies. Unfortunately, you penpal is starting to hit dementia. Start making up outlandish stories about how you have just found a new passion...swinging. Go into lurid detail of all of the debauchery. It sould be fun.

Abby

[CCTAU 3,346]

DEAR ABBY: I accidentally found out that my husband had bought a cell phone for another woman (on OUR family plan!) and has been calling her three to five times a day, sometimes hiding in our garage or waiting until I leave the house on an errand.

Also, he has been baby-sitting her son in his office every day after school. Abby, this woman does not even have a job. She is just too lazy to pick up her kid.

I told him to get rid of her or I am leaving. Am I being unreasonable? -- FURIOUS IN DAYTON, MINN.

[CCTAU 3,346]

Dear Furious,

It only costs $5 a cylinder to re-key a lock at Home Depot. You are way behind.

Abby

[keoson7 28]

Dear dummy,

When you get the outrageous phone bill it will be too late.

Abbs

[CCTAU 3,346]

We need some more of you creative types to help with these people's problems. Please give us your sage advice. How can any of these people overcome their issues without your advice?