Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?

[Tiger in Spain 0]

Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?

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We’ve all heard the “official conspiracy theory” of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we’ve all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

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1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

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3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

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6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to “bullseye womprats” on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be “impossible, even for a computer.” Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

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8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

Use this link, Luke

[otterinbham 0]

Holy Cats, that was brilliant. Thanks for exposing this whitewash. Now we can prosecute the guilty parties.

[Tiger in Spain 0]

I was initially leaning towards posting it in the political forum to liven things up but thought the humor would get lost.

[AUslug 1]

I was initially leaning towards posting it in the political forum to liven things up but thought the humor would get lost.

Humor is lost on a certain group on this board but I'm not going to name names . I believe that the Death Star's destruction is Bush's fault.

[otterinbham 0]

I was initially leaning towards posting it in the political forum to liven things up but thought the humor would get lost.

Humor is lost on a certain group on this board but I'm not going to name names . I believe that the Death Star's destruction is Bush's fault.

I would also add the apparent warming on Mars. Somehow our space probes must have begun melting the Martian icecaps.

[AUslug 1]

I was initially leaning towards posting it in the political forum to liven things up but thought the humor would get lost.

Humor is lost on a certain group on this board but I'm not going to name names . I believe that the Death Star's destruction is Bush's fault.

I would also add the apparent warming on Mars. Somehow our space probes must have begun melting the Martian icecaps.

Maybe we need to send Al Gore to Mars and see if global warming has spread across the solar system.

[AURaptor 1,137]

What did the Emperor know, and when did he know it ?

[Bottomfeeder 244]

YES.

[CCTAU 3,369]

Two words...

THE FORCE.

[BustemBigBlue 181]

Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army-storm troopers, dignitaries- the only people onboard were Imperials. So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.

In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.

-Randal in Clerks

[AUChizad 0]

Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army-storm troopers, dignitaries- the only people onboard were Imperials. So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.

In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.

-Randal in Clerks

Dammit, you beat me to it.

Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer...Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements. And speaking as a roofer, I can say that a roofer's personal politics come heavily into play when choosing jobs.

Three months ago I was offered a job up in the hills. A beautiful house with tons of property. It was a simple reshingling job, but I was told that if it was finished within a day, my price would be doubled. Then I realized whose house it was.

Dominick Bambino's.

"Babyface" Bambino? The gangster?

The same. The money was right, but the risk was too big. I knew who he was, and based on that, I passed the job on to a friend of mine.

Based on personal politics.

Right. And that week, the Foresci family put a hit on Babyface's house. My friend was shot and killed. He wasn't even finished shingling. I'm alive because I knew there were risks involved taking on that particular client. My friend wasn't so lucky. You know, any contractor willing to work on that Death Star knew the risks. If they were killed, it was their own fault. A roofer listens to this...not his wallet.

[otterinbham 0]

Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army-storm troopers, dignitaries- the only people onboard were Imperials. So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished. The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction. A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.

In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms. All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.

-Randal in Clerks

This might be the funniest damned thread I've read all week long.

[Streyeder 0]

All of you would love this:

http://www.adpov.net/

[Ranger12 46]

Clerks is one of those movies I can watch anytime it is on and still laugh at it every time. Clerks II was not near as funny as its predecessor.